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This blog entry is part of the "ALL ABOUT MR.GREEN" SERIES.All names have been concealed in an effort to protect my own privacy and and also protect the identity of all other parties that are described in these blog articles.
None of these articles are meant as an effort to win back anyone or reconnect with anyone.None of these articles are meant to invade anyone else's privacy or meddle with their current lifestyle either.
These articles are just my effort to purge out all my bad,sad feelings about this person that still are deep rooted in my soul.These blog articles are just so that i can DETOX myself of so much heartache,feelings of second guessing myself and my judgement,the sadness,hurt,yearning and missing someone -that came with my having interacted with this person.I highly regret that I ever made his acquaintance, coz now I am left with a deep dent in my heart and soul and I feel DAMAGED .
Damage that he can never UN-DO !
THE IRONY OF MR.GREEN'S CONTRASTING WORDS-PART TWO
In Dec 2009, mr.green made a PUBLIC tweet, on his timeline,and it read like this.
somebody helped me to be healthy xyz(his name) ,hoping ,wishing,praying,wanting another motivational email in a time of need.Else I could be lost
After reading this tweet,I kinda figured that this somebody was ME! but then,you never know,who else was also writing him motivational emails ...
Given that he was OFFICIALLY with this woman in his city and yet,was still secretly exchanging deep emotionally charged emails with me,with no intention whatsoever of ever leaving that REAL-LIFE woman he had on hand.
Given that he was capable of doing that,ANYTHING WAS POSSIBLE.
Given that he had the capacity to maintain a POKER FACE,like everything was "NORMAL" and as usual,while he was around her,when infact,he was exchanging deep,emotional,spiritual and intellectually stimulating emails with me,kinda told me that THIS MAN HAS dichotomized his brain.
The part of the brain that was fucking that woman , was this OTHER SIDE,that he would switch ON,while in her presence and the part of his brain that was romancing me,WAS THIS YET ANOTHER SIDE,that he would switch ON,while he was talking to me.And,while he was talking to me,he probably would switch off HER side and while he was fucking her at night, or early morning(before leaving for work),he would switch off MY SIDE of his brain?
Well,AN EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED AND EMOTIONALLY NULLED state of brain is able to do a lot of CONFLICTING ACTIONS,because it switches off its QUESTIONING SIDE OF CONSCIENCE.
gosh,i DIGRESS so much on a tangent!
coming back to the sentence,GIVEN,given that I knew that he is such a mentally compartmentalized person,by then,I HAD figured out ,that it is perfectly possible that he might be talking the same way he talks to me with a third person or a fourth person or many such women at the same time and I WON'T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE...just like this woman he was fucking on a regular basis in his own city didn't know the difference...when he started emailing me...
An emotionally intelligent person should be able to sense a change in the personality of their spouse ,EVEN,if the spouse,DOESN'T come out and say what he or she is doing behind their back.
Anyways,after reading that tweet,it struck me,
Given that he is a poker faced mind,IT IS POSSIBLE,that the MOTIVATIONAL EMAILS,were from ANOTHER SOMEBODY?
So,but,I HAD TO REALLY REALLY KNOW!
So,I emailed him ,IMMEDIATELY...within a half hour after that tweet.
I had to EGO-BOOST myself with a confirmation that the SOMEBODY he referred to in that tweet, was infact me.
He emailed back immediately too..just like was customary back then...
It was newyear's or christmas eve I think and he was just going back home after a SPREE of office drinking parties...
HE WAS DRUNK when he made that tweet!
Part of me was disappointed and part of me was sad and part of me was happy.
Why was I happy?
Do people tend to TELL TRUTHS WHEN DRUNK?
if so,THEN,the liquid courage has made this man BLATANTLY make public tweets about his INNER FEELINGS,without thinking about the fact that the had THOUSANDS of other followers,who were ALSO,reading that public tweet.
Why was I sad?
Again,PEOPLE DO THINGS they don't REALLY MEAN TO DO,when they are drunk.
So,really,a drunkTHANQ note ,doesn't stay valid..coz,he really probably NEVER MEANT IT with all his conscience.He wasn't in his RIGHT MIND while typing out that public tweet.
I WOULD RATHER that people thank me IN FULL CONSCIOUS MODE,rather than in a drunken stupor.
So,why was I disappointed?
I mean,the reason why i started talking to this guy,was to COUNSEL him out of his alcoholism.So,now,the fact that he was DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND..kinda totally disappointed me.
So,I EMAILED HIM TO FIND OUT THAT NIGHT,who,this "SOMEBODY" was.
He wrote back ,saying that IT WAS ME.
So,yeah,I WAS HIS MOTIVATIONAL PERSON BACK THEN.
truth be said, I AM STILL HIS MOTIVATIONAL PERSON.
he derives from me in his darkest hours.I KNOW THAT,he knows that.HE HAS TOLD ME THAT.
(Tearing up slightly now)
FASTFORWARD FIVE MONTHS
During this month,HE SAID AND DID, things that IMMENSELY HURT ME..emotionally!
This hurt that he gave me during that month,UNFORTUNATELY stays with me till today...four years later.
I STILL HURT today,when I THINK OF THOSE HURTFUL MOMENTS.
HIS WORDS and his actions were thoughtless and immature and self-centered and PETTY!
There are MATURE,adult ways to deal with situations...but the way he DEALT with his "situation" was useless,moronic,immature and stupid!
HIM not wanting to talk to me anymore was NOT the issue at all.Everyone has a right to choose not to talk to anyone they don't want to, at anytime.
THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE.
The issue was ME MISSING THE MEMO.
The issue was,HIM NOT TELLING ME,and telling everyone else!
HIM choosing cheap methods to convey that message Was what hurt me.
There was no need to drag in hapless third parties into the scene at all.
IN MAY 2010,he made this following PUBLIC tweet,AS A REPLY TO A THIRD PARTY, -
@123(third party) My big mistake was not keeping my tweets private.oh and talking to her
At that point of time,HE WAS SO CAUGHT up in his need to prove himself a nice man to his so called "friends" that he decided to cast me as the VILLAIN in his story..Where,he is this happless victim man with public tweets and I am this crazy lady on twitter,who read his public tweets and STALKED HIM and he being the nice man JUST TALKED TO ME and ofcourse,THAT WAS SUCH A MISTAKE on his part.
WHAT THE F*CK!
WHAT THE F*CK!
you shameless idiot!
WHAT THE F*CK!
And ofcourse,this third party person(just like all escapist third party people all over the world) likes listening to dramatic gossipy stories where a talented doctor woman is cast as this stalker villian against this VICTIM MAN,to whom, THEN ,she shall be the shoulder to cry on!
( I think,talentless financially dependant housewives derive great pleasure when talented young women are cast as villians in stories where men like their husbands are the happless victims.makes them feel better about their shitty ,purposeless lives I suppose!)
WHAT THE f*CK.
All third parties must always have the intelligence to know that ALL STORIES HAVE TWO SIDES.and they are just a mere onlooker third party,WITH NO clue as to what happened REALLY!
Anyways,AGAIN,this blog entry is the second in the series of the title-IRONY OF MR.GREEN'S CONSTRASTING WORDS
One thing I would like to tell him is,"DUDE,it is so easy to make another person look like a crazy-looney"
All of us are crazy-loonies,IF WE MICROSCOPICALLY EXAMINE ourselves..
let me tell you your REAL MISTAKE.
your real mistake was to continue in a dysfunctional relationship with this woman whom you continued to fuck even after you started talking to me.
YOUR MISTAKES,are too many,
a lot many.
And I shall talk about more of them in forthcoming blogs.
I SHALL ALSO TALK ABOUT ,
MY OWN MISTAKES TOO..
which there are too many too.
Tags: #irony, #contrasting_words, #emotionally_disconnected, #poker_face, #mr_green, #2009 , #2010, #journal , #life_stories , #all_ABOUT_mr_green