My fondest memories of me with my dad,so far!

1/My earliest memory of him was me and him walking in the evening to
the juice bar near our home,me holding his fat index finger (he was
not fat,but he had chubby hands) ,the index finger which he would
point out to me ,gesturing for me to hold it.I prolly was four or five
then?evening walks and grape juice..(which I found too sour to my
taste btw,so I would drink pineapple juice)

2/As a kid,in second grade,I remember him offering to make me instant
ramen noodles-and he was enticing me saying how tasty it was gonna
be.It was early evening.This memory is imprinted in my mind for some
reason!We had a cherry wood cupboard and bright windows in that living
room back then.

3/As a kid,my dad would make us FINGER CHIPS,his name for freedom
fries..or french fries.HE MAKES THEM WELL TOO.Fresh cut potato fries
are the best.

4/Sometime around fourth/fifth grade,he taught me how to use the knife
and fork.We had a green dining table then and the kitchen opened up to
a spacious backyard with a kitchen garden...And one morning , he was
like,wait,you are doing it wrong,hold the fork with your left hand and
here pick up the knife, hold it with your right..and boom,I LEARNED
instantly.

5/Sometime during sixth grade,my mom was out of town and so,for
dinner,my dad took me to a restaurant and I had tomato soup...the
croutons crunched in my mouth and back then I didn't know what I
ate--I didn't know they were croutons...so,I thought to myself that
they were magic ingredients in the soup that crunched in your
mouth..Awwww

6/Also,in seventh grade,my dad made me my school lunch for 4 days when
my mom was out of town..So,each day,in my school lunch,I would
find,PLUM CAKE in my lunch box, in addition to the usual fare..What a
tasty surprise..awww.

7/Yeah,another fond memory was our sunday strolling trips when I was
in first and second grade.We would walk all the way to the strip mall
near our home and they he would buy shampoo for himself and he would
buy BUBBLEGUM for me..There has been many a sunday wherein,i have
swallowed the bubblegum while chewing on the way back and then spent
all sunday worrying about what would happen to me coz i swallowed
gum..true story

8/Another evening stroll memory with my father is that of our bakery
visits..he would buy me glazed cherries or cumin tea biscuits at the
bakery and I would watch all the evening walkers at the stores while
we strolled...awwww.What fond memories(wonder,if dad remembers our
strolls-must email him or call him to find out)

9/As I grew up,dad kept traveling so much for work that he barely got
time to spend with us.so,some stories amiss from that phase of my
childhood.

10/This may not be a fond memory but a deeply imprinted memory of my
dad walking around with the vacuum cleaner all around the house
cleaning on sundays, not allowing us kids to sleep in late on a
sunday!
..the vroom vroom of his vacuum cleaner would automatically wake up
us ,as he would mindlessly try to vacuum around us in our
bedrooms..LOL..SERIOUSLY,,,come on!

11/During eleventh and 12th grade,my dad has accidentally come across
me on streets,RIDING the motorbike..."JUST TOO FAST" to quote his own
words..He would be like, " I saw you riding here and here on your
bike..I saw you from my car ..and you were just riding too
fast"'LOL...and yeah,,he would be after my case for not washing my
bike and keeping it clean...btw,,the motorbike was his gift to me for
TOPPING IN SCIENCE AND MATH AND EVERY other subject in school in the
tenth grade...Yay me!

12/One fond memory with him was me at 16yrs of age,learning to drive
and then with our chauffeur beside me in the front of the car and my
dad and sis and mom on the back seat.I drove on the freeway for the
first time ,very efficiently ..and everyone was so proud of me ,that
I drove so well, and then I GOT STUCK on gear shift on the way back
..and all hell broke loose..LOL..Then the chaffeur had to take over
and get the car out of the mess ..

13/Before entering med school, I actually semi graduated in
biochemistry..so,during that grad school,one of my grad school friends
would visit me at my home quite often..For some reason,my dad kept
complaining that I made friends with NO-GOODERs.
seriously,he would mock this poor girl(in her absence ofcourse) .NOT a
fond memory,but a deeply imprinted one at that.

14/My dad came with me when i took my college admission tests prior med school.
and my dad came with me when I joined med school...Such a proud day
for him...and then I called mom and told her I got into med school...A
BIG dream realized for me..AND I am glad my dad was there that moment
to share it with me..:))I think I made him damn mighty proud that day!

15/During the first year of med school, my dad and mom ,would come
visit me often,coz in their minds,I was still their little daughter
and so,they thought, i needed frequent checking on....
My dad would buy me BOXES of chocolate bars during each visit,enough
to last me till the next time he visits.
GENEROUS dad my dad...not just with chocolates but with BUYING ME
BOOKS-VERY GENEROUS,no questions asked,all books will be bought
without question...:))))

16/I think>>> I kinda moved away from home at the age of 19 for med
school and NEVER MOVED BACK...I have from time to time STAYED with my
parents for long periods, maybe a few months...but, see, WE BIRDIE
KIDS have flown the nest...We are now strong , professional
women..dreaming our own dreams,making it big ...and making our parents
proud...but my dad misses us ...one day very recently blurted out,"oh
but I love for my kids to be near me all the time"

MANY more fond memories waiting to happen..and so,on this day.
I WISH MY PARENTS...both mom and dad,,GOOD HEALTH AND HAPPINESS and A
LONG HEALTHY LIFE...coz,when I FINALLY receive my NOBLE PRIZES,I want
them sitting proud in the audience..cheering me away...HUGS DEAR PA
AND MA!
tAGS:father's_day,father,mother,memories,my_fondest_memories_with_my_dad,childhood,happy_moments,biography,life,love,family,father_and_daughter,

The extremely agreeable woman with no personal personality

These women are extermely agreeable, and take upon the personality of the male sexual partner they are with...and they have NO REAL AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY OF THEIR OWN.
The moment they divorce the old husband or BF and get with a new boy, they funnily take upon the personality and opinions of the new boyfriend...
NO personality of their own there...This might make them seem very agreeable and EASY for LOSER MEN to want to be with.Ya know, the kind of men who feel threatened by anything that is NOT easy and NOT usable(...but then..even easy gets boring after sometime..... )
The reason why these women are so agreeable is because all through their childhoods they have been brought up by parents who directly and indirectly make it known to them that THEY DON'T MATTER, THEIR ORIGINAL OPINIONS DON'T MATTER, THEM HAVING AN OPINION IS A HINDRANCE,
These girls are often taught via subliminal messages that Their main role in life as female children is to be a 'PRINCESS" (WTF?) and they just need to keep sucking up to the dad by being the  "daddy's girl"
These women grow up into idiot adolescents with no personal life goals other than "making some lucky man very happy someday" and do they? NO
They end up emotionally confused and extremely disconnected to their surrounding which sometimes can come across as being pleasant and agreeable
Tags:psychology,psychiatry,women,girl_children,Gender_abuse,gender_discrimination,anger

Screaming at your mother constantly pointing out her shortcomings-how useful is that?

Copyright(c)2009 Lecinqblog.Please do not reproduce without permission from Author.

I am Visiting parents....constant occurance In my home these days...While I am screaming at my own mom in one room.(while my mom stands there listening to my repeated criticisms of her and how she failed as a parent),at around the same time my dad is screaming at his mom in another room of the same house..My dad's mom is 95 yrs old...mind it.....the old lady is getting screamed at by her son...LOL..seriously...NEED THIS BE HAPPENING..he is complaining about how bad a parent she is..LOL..no really..he is 65 years old
MORAL OF THE STORY?
1/we all are defined by our childhood experiences on a thousand different levels..
2/we expect our mom to be a WONDERWOMAN..anything short of us , always disappoints us
3/Screaming doesn't help anyone ever...or maybe it does, to vent.., to put a point across..maybe it works on some level..but there are better methods...maybe..maybe not..NOT SURE ABOUT THIS POINT
4/For some reason...mothers go on a guilt trip much more often than the fathers..so ,it is easier to make them cry with our screaming about how bad a parent they have been ...IS THIS SOCIAL CONDITIONING that makes us all expect more from moms than dads? is it social conditioning that ABSOLVES the dads of an equal responsibility in parenting?(topic for another blog entry)
5/btw..RIGHT NOW i AM WEARING A TSHIRT..THAT SAYs.."DON'T GET ANGRY, GET INVOLVED"
6/We are all children ..we all become kids once in front of our own parents...

Dogs are not children, Children are not dogs-Pets and selfishness

Well, This blog is about what makes me angry. This blog is also about psychology behind human behavior. This blog is also about tips to deal with anger.
Dogs and dogs, Children are children.
I get severely angry at people who have dogs because they want to be entertained or those that want to feel bigger and important and feel loved and in control and those that want someone begging them for food and someone that they can order around.
You know what, sometimes people have children for the above mentioned reasons. You know, sometimes people want to have children for the sole reason that they can have someone smaller than them that will need them for basic needs like food and clothing and thus they can go around ordering the kid to sit and stand and what not and sometimes people have kids so that they can feel like this bigger person in control and want to misle this constant need of their children as love .
In short, many immature people have either dogs or even kids for very selfish reasons, reason that satisfy them and them alone. Such parents are totally worthless .
In my opinion any animals doesn't deserve to be a pet. Every animal in the human kingdom that was naturally born will be able to fend for itself and even hunt for its own food. It is a natural instinct. No animal in this world is built in a way to be happy in an enclosure or to be chained or belted or to live in small spaces. Dogs run faster than a human, they are prefectly capable of going for your neck and killing you .So being a better hunter and a true carnivore they are perfectly above you in the food chain so to speak. I mean, You toilet train a dog or a cat coz you don't want your house dirty. But you know what, why must a dog in the wild, first go through the torture of living in stupidly small houses designed for humans and then on top of that need to get toilet trained at that? Why? They would not need toilet training if they were not forced to live in homes that are clearly designed for human purposes . Yeah, the horror of getting male dogs sterlized and female dogs splayed. What the hell is with that ? The horror of pet stores. seriously.
We try to have pets for our own selfish needs of loneliness where we want to feel not alone. The dogs don';t want it , the cats don't want , the fish don't want it..They are free human being. They run faster than we can. They can jump over walls in a jiffy. fish in the sea travel thousands of miles during breeding season. And yet the horror of first of all confining these animals in closed spaces and then teaching them tricks in exchange of food , VVery cruel. Look at it this way. You take a woman, put her in a room. feed her, then impregnate her against her will and then sell her female babies to someoneelse, who then again ties her up in a room and then feeds her regularly, and toilet trains her and such and then again, bargains tricks for food? how would that look? Huh?
Yeah, on the other hand, I have seen many a parent who force their kids to do this and this coz that is what they would like as a parent, Very cruel.They dress them a certain way . I have seen parent bring their 3 yr old girls to the swimming pool dressed in a two piece bikini, Seriously, This is a child. She is going to take another ten years before she gets boobs, so please stop dressing her in a bikini like that. Sometimes parents are so eager to show off their babies as eye candy to others. Ya know, teach them lil things to say or do which are suppossedly cute in the eyes of adults. No Madam, your child is not a dog.
Also, I mean, someone says, " I don't want children. I have my dogs." Gosh, to such people, first off, Children and dogs are not the same. Dogs belong in the wild. Children a symbol of love. Neither one of them is here to perform your tricks or act like trophies.
Thank you very much for reading this to the end. Most people don't like a mirror to their life.They like living in denial.

Why do men leave you after having a baby ?

Okay, this is not me asking this question. Someone actually sent in this query. So ,of course, I decided to keep their request. But then, since I am a physician and have read my fair deal of psychiatry and behavioral science at med school, I am kinda equipped to answer this question for ya.I figured that my other usual readers might like to know the answer to this question as well.

The literal question that they asked was
" Why do men have a child with you and then leave you ?"
Anyways, MY ANSWER :

                                              First off, this is a sad situation to be in, if at all anyone is in this situation. Coz, you are viewing the whole situation is , Someone LEFT me , rather than viewing it as , The relationship just didn't WORK FOR THEM.
                                Look at this way.If they really want to be with you, they would,yeah?simple and clear.If they don't want to be, there obviously is a reason(right or wrong is not the point.They just don't want to be with you in the key )
                                     You are subconsciously viewing this situation as a personal failure, as if something was not adequate in you coz of which this person left you. Such a inadvertent self blame leads to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

                              My first advice would be, please understand that people do things  mostly because of  who THEY are , even more than whom they are reacting to . The way people respond to a situation has got to do more about the person's past experiences than even the situation itself. It is all relative perception.

                                       Okay, well, perhaps this person typed this question out as a general query keeping in mind a stereotype in certain communities where men have sex with you and then as soon you are are pregnant or you have their child, they give up and walk way from the relationship.
                                             I have seen this a lot in Brazilian and South American communities where the spread of AIDS has been rampant mainly because of men impregnating and walking out and the harm of multiple sex partners etc.Such walking out on pregnant partners is very common in other countries of low standards of living-Carribean, African countries (most of them ) ..So, yeah poverty is one big reason too.
                     A child does cost a lot to bring up and the guy just fears the monetary ramifications and runs away..All because, biologically he can run away from the fetus he took part to create.That in one  biological ramification of being male..I am sure if the pregnant female could somehow run away from the unwanted fetus she would too.But that is the topic of a whole other blog entry.

                                   Coming back to the present topic of why men leave after impregnating a female,
more.

                                         I really don't like stereotyping to explain human behavior. Each of us are so unique  in that>>We would be doing a ton of injustice if we tagged all male behavior into one and all female behavior into one. So most stereotyping is inaccurate . yeah, sometimes people deliberately try to conform to common stereotypes so that they can be called normal. You know, like these social rules where they say>This is what men are supposed to do and since i am a male, i better behave the same way they say I am supposed to behave or else, i am going to be called weird.

So , anyways, a guy has a child with a woman, they he leaves her/ why do you think that happens?
                                              First off, no matter what the situation has been that had led to the birth of the child, someone walking out of a relationship even after having a child says that they really don't feel the connection with the woman to want to stay with her , the child withstanding.
                                  This can happen
a/if the pregnancy was unexpected,
b/had happened due to failure of contraception or
c/if the woman had the child in spite of his wishes of continuing the pregnancy or
d/she told him that she was using contraception but wasn't actually taking any precautions and now he feels stuck with a child he didn't want to have in the first place.

                      Many people try to use a pregnancy as a emotional tactic to force a man to stay with them. well, having said all that, now that a child is already born, if the guy is a generally responsible parent , he would rather prefer to stay in the relationship just for the child. But if he is a little panicky or feels highly betrayed that he is very very angry and sees himself as a victim, then the anger goes beyond parental instincts.Then he might want to get out of it just to prove a point that he cannot be duped into a a relationship just due to a pregnancy.

Now, all of the above explanations are only for a pregnancy that was not planned.

There are so many cases where couples get married or otherwise, see their relationship going downhill once a child is born.
                           Sometimes people meticulously plan a pregnancy and have a child but after they have the child, they start bickering about who will change the diapers and who will feed the baby and such. It gets bitter and bitter as arguments continue this way.
                                  Often, a time of pregnancy or the time period when the mom is breastfeeding, she is most vulnerable, since of course she is the one breastfeeding at all odd hours no matter what and she is the one going through all the biological changes no matter how supportive the spouse is,.
                                           At the end of the day the mom might feel like she is doing much more than the husband in terms of child care. When women feel like a victim they get quite emotional and might bring up the issue with the husband and then again arguments might sprout up .
                                      In such a case , since the guy is not biologically undergoing any change , as in, he is not carrying the baby physically, it is easy for him to walk out even. IN a fit of anger, some men do walk out just coz they can .
                          As in, they are not carrying the baby and they can escape out of it at the peak of frustration. Such a walking out is truly representative of the fact that the father of this child is irresponsible in someway. And also because it is possible for him to walk away much unlike a pregnant woman who is in her advanced pregnancy and she is frustrated too but just can't walk way coz she is carrying the baby. It is all about biology and physiology.
                                         Also , sometimes, people don't think hard about what having a child entails. They make eager immature decisions to have a child and actually not mentally equipped or prepared to be a good parent and in such a situation, they end up repenting after having the child and most likely since they can't send the child back into the vagina, just do some resentful style of parenting.

                                In such situations too , men walk way quick , first off , they are scared and irresponsible and well, biologically since they are not breastfeeding they use that as a lame excuse for not taking custody of the child .
                                               So , for all the woman who want to have a child with a man.
a/Please take you time.
b/Both men and women need to actively use contraception till the time that both man and woman are very eager to become parents.
c/If one person forces or emotionally blackmails another person into a pregnancy , then the results of such parenting are going to be forced and resentful and disastrous.
d/Don't use pregnancy as a tool to ensure that someone will stay with you forever.
Since, I think everyone deserves to be with someone who doesn't need to be forced to be with them.

Won't you want a partner who wants to willingly stay with you even without a pregnancy rather than someone who is irritated each day that you tricked them into staying with you?


Also,
a/children are not a joke,
b/They are not your personal tools to use against your spouse. Please don't drag them into family feuds with your spouse, brainwashing them and forcing the children to take sides and such. Please leave them out of the fights.


Well, last word,

Men first have children and then leave you , coz,
a/ possibly they don't feel the love anymore with you or
b/because they are irresponsible parents who are scared of responsibilities as  a parent or
c/the stress of parenting has taken a toll on the relationship or
d/he never loved you in the first place,and the child was the last straw that tipped the scales
e/ the pregnancy was accidental or
f/he doubts it is not his child or
g/he loves the child but doesn't want to be with you anymore.
There are a lot of scenarios and therefore let us not stereotype behavior.
I hope this answers your question.

What causes anger?

I think anger mostly stems from this inability to do anything to correct a situation which causes distress and this may be anything from oppressive parents or an oppressive spouse on whom you are financially dependant .It Could be anything or anyone from whom you feel you have no choice to get away from...That helplessness when compounded from repeat occurance of the same distress gets bottled up in anger and if this anger is not unbottled in a conscious manner by assessing and acknowledging the actual cause of distress, it might end up causing a change in personality pattern.
I have seen quite a few people who are abused by their parents who end being the same worthless parent that caused them such distress.I have see this relative of mine..All her life , she was treated like dirt at her home by her mother and now she is a parent and she herself ends up behaving the same nasty way with her own daughter.Hmmmm.I would think she would actually make an effort to be different..but i think sometimes people are like that...Prolly this is the only chance in life she is getting to talk down to someone or to control someone else's life...and she is knocking herself out...the hapless child..hmmm

Why don't stupid people stop having kids? what kind of question is that

"Why don't stupid people stop having kids?"
well !
First off, I came across this goal on 43things, where quite a few people had this goal to
STOP STUPID PEOPLE FROM HAVING KIDS
Needless to say, i went around reading the comments and such.
Finally ofcourse, I put in my two cents on here for everyone to read about this issue.
Now that i did this, I thought, i might as well come here and share my two cents with the blogger readers here
Here goes :
You know what, the lesser the person is capable of achieving anything in life, the more they are depressed and unsure of themselves.The more unsure they are of themselves, the more insecure they are.The more insecure they are , the more they will try to have people in their life who have no choice(with respect to being with them or leaving them ) and those who cannot abandon them.This is where kids figure.YOu see, kids cannot run away till they are 18.So, these stupid people are ensured validation each and every day for a period of 16 yrs or 18 yrs where other human constantly has to ask their permission to do things which kinda makes them feel important.That kinda makes them feel more worthy.This is exactly why , stupid people deliberately have more kids when infact they could do some service to the world and not have any.Having said that, sometimes, children that are born to such worthless people have undergone trauma due to stupid parenting for 16yrs , they tend to develop a completely opposite personality and might actually end up overachievers.You see, they know on a first hand basis how stupidity sucks.So, they try to go ahead try not to be stupid.

The wrong reason to want to be a parent

5/29/08 7:15 AM

Sometimes, i look at parents and it makes me mad.
They are so unfit to be parents.
To me, parenting is a noble job , a job of great honor and responsibility.
I find it silly when i see parents who just almost seem to enjoy ordering their kids around.They like to roll their eyes and stifle their tone and set rules for the children just coz it make them feel like they are a somebody with subordinates whom they can control and order around and the sad part is that these subordinates(unlike subordinates in a work situation) that they are bossing around are so tiny that they can't even quit their job and run away from this tyranny.
There are these other group of parents who just want a barbie doll..They like this daily chore of bathing and clothing this lil baby .These parents scare me the most.I mean, the barbie doll of their's is going to to grow up in a year or two and what then are they going to do then? People need to understand that children have their own personality, they deserve to be treated with respect too. And yeah, if you lie a lot in your daily life and then set hard and fast rules your children not to lie to you, trust me, they will end up liars just like you anyways.
CHILDREN LEARN BY EMULATION.SO, SET A GOOD EXAMPLE