An Antidote to Anger

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Martyrdom vs powertripping inside families-oscar husbands praising their wives' sacrifices

In all these oscar ceremonies and grammy ceremonies...we see a lot of
MALE NOMINEES and there are not that many female nominees..why is
that?
is it because NOT AS MANY WOMEN ARE IN POSITIONS OF making movies or
music and getting qualified on the basis of their NON-BREEDING WORK?

that is a sad situation in itself

and

and,
TO TOP OF THAT SITUATION , which as a 36 yr female surgeon, who is in
the middle of all the REAL ACTION in my profession,the situation that
there are not as many FEMALE OSCAR NOMINEES except , best lead female
actor, who is nothing but a hypersexualized dummy for most part OR A
CARICATURIZED SUPER-WOMAN, ...the situation it irks me..

FEELS LOPSIDED..

now to top off this lopsided situation, WE HAVE , all the male oscar
and grammy winners, COME UP ON STAGE, and thanking their wives for THE
SACRIFICES they had to make for their husbands to get here on the
oscar stage..

WHAT KIND OF SACRIFICES? being a housewife, and not have a job or a
personality or a human role other than being personal companion, sex
concubine, housekeeper and kid caretaker and arm candy at parties..

is it that sacrifice these man are talking about?

AND WHY EXACTLY ARE THESE WIVES, STAY AT HOME SEXUAL PARTNERS?
why don't these women have jobs of their own?
because they are not educated or qualified enough to have any job that
will earn enough money to have the same kind of lifestyle they would
get by just being a rich housewife?

is a rich housewife just a glorified sex pet?

IS THE POOR HOUSEWIFE just cheap unpaid slave labor?

WHAT ARE THESE SACRIFICES THAT THESE OSCAR WINNER MEN, glorify and romanticise?

WHAT THE FUCK?

where are the birth family members of all these housewives? DID NOT
THE BIRTH FAMILY, educate and empower these women enough to enlighten
their brains to a point where they see the meaninglessness and
pointlessness of a housewife..

FOR ALL THE INDIGNANT HOUSEWIVES , reading this and immediately
gearing up to attack me saying, " DO YOU KNOW HOW TOUGH BEING A
HOUSEWIFE IS?"

yeah, I AM NOT HERE CLAIMING THAT BEING A HOUSEWIFE IS EASY..

it is tough

and it is unfair

and it is unnecessary..

and it is a form of sexual slavery being all rosied up in the name of
chauvinistic family values...

what family values?

a family value, where first you FORCE, women to socially not have any
role other than their biology,
AND MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT FOR WOMEN TO GET AN EDUCATION OR A JOB IN SOCIETY ,
so that they are SO DEMORALIZED that they think being a financially
dependant sex pet who also doubles up as breeding machine and triples
up as housekeeper and quadruples up as a companion of the guy,

AND never GETS OFFICIALLY PAID for it all, and anything that she owns
, IS SOMETHING SHE HAS TO CO-OWN with the guy , her husband , WHO
SEEMINgly, IS NOW PROVIDING FOR HER..

"providing"?
WHAT IS HE PROVIDING?

he is gaining free, sex, free labor, free breeding services AND she
needs to earn some money for all of that..AND THE PROVIDING THAT MEN
CLAIM TO DO is just an UNDER-PAYMENTS for all these so called
"services'

AND so, in this very UNFAIR SOCIAL SYSTEM AND ARRANGEMENT,

because most women are uneducated or talentless, THEY ARE POWERLESS
FINANACIALLY and
thus, the only way they weild any power is by MANIPULATING THE MEN IN
THEIR LIFE and

this they do so in semi-fear and very carefully, AND THEY DO IT EMOTIONALLY,

AND one of the biggest tools powerless housewife women use to weild
power by emotional manipulation is by putting this ACT OF MARTYRDOM..

which brings back to the point of the oscar husbands praising their
wives' for their martyrdom...

and honestly?

IN A REAL EQUAL RELATIONSHIP, THERE NEED NOT BE ANY MARTYRDOM AT ALL...

it is mutual helping out, there is mutual companionship and their is
mutual sex...
sex is NOT A SERVICE that women provide men..

AS FAR AS PREGNANCY IS CONCERNED..yes
NATURE CHOSE WOMEN to be powerful and vital in that department..

BUT THE DAYS WHEN offspring or having offspring means having more
human workpower inside farmhouse families is gone..

and thus HAVING CHILDREN. OR WOMEN BEARING CHILDREN FOR THEIR PROVIDER
HUSBANDS, and men benefitting from the numbers and power in numbers of
having as many offsprings is gone too...(THANKFULLY!)

BUT THEN EVEN NOW, in so many son centric cultures, women still use
the one last biological power they have , to offer to BEAR SONS to
bargain for a house to live in or partake of their husband's
earning...

SO, YEAH, and this POWERLESSNESS INSIDE FAMILIES, so many escapist
women, TURN AROUND and pretend or present as MARTYRDOM TO THEIR
HUSBANDS..

LIKE AN APPEAL TO recieve favors...

and it is SHAMEFUL that women are still needing to do that...

EACH WOMAN MUST HAVE A MONEY EARNING JOB OUTSIDE Of her sexual relationship...

keep money out of sex and pregnancies..

pregnancy is biology
sex is LOVE...

don't mesh it up with financial arrangements..

because when you make one sexual partner incharge of doing jobs THAT
PAYS THE MONEY and the other sexual partner in charge doing the
DRUDGERY JOBS of the household and this job is NEVER PAID directly..

THEN IT ENDS UP AS A VERY UNHEALTHY SEXUAL ARRANGEMENT

WHERE

seemingly

ONE PARTNER appears to be doing something very important, that is PROVIDING

and

the other partner IMMEDIATELY ENDS UP LOOKING AND FEELING a subordinate...

AND such a situation needs to POWER-TRIPPING often seen in
chauvinistic , son centric cultures...

and this power tripping causes FALSE BELIEFS AMIDST THE POWER TRIPPING MALES..

who almost believing in fallacious concepts like, " it is a man's
world" and " we are doing a favor by allowing the women to live and by
providing for them " and " we need to patronize and take care of women
coz they are socially powerless"

and so,
first off, IT IS NOT A MAN'S WORLD..coz, first off, for a man to
exist, a woman has to first exist before him and then decide to give
birth to him...

so, IT IS A WOMAN'S WORLD ALL THE WAY..

that is how nature designed it..

nature designed women to be incharge...because of their biology.

nature designed women to make milk out of blood and that is why, WOMEN
ARE PROVIDERS,..NATURE PROVIDERS...
they provide nourishment to the baby on demand..
THAT IS WHAT A PROVIDER REALLY CAN AND WILL BE ABLE TO DO...

SO, yeah...

DEAR OSCAR WINNERS, ESPECIALLY MALES, stop praising your housewives
for their sacrifices..IT IS OFFENSIVE

and yeah, DEAR RICH HOUSEWIFE..what you really are, is a FINANCIALLY
DESPERATE PERSON, WHO GAVE UP AN IDENTITY, just for creature
comforts..

get an education, get a job, get a choice in life, get an individual
identity outside of your sexuality and biology

Tags: #oscar #grammy #black_tie_events #girls_for_STEMM
#GIRLS_IN_ALL_JOBS #GENDER_EQUALITY #gender_dynamics_inside_families
#commodification_of_female_bodies #breeding_services_of_the_housewives
#real_housewives_of #rich_housewife #provider #it_is_a_man's_world
#lactation #pregnancy #parenting #gender_roles_inside_families
#girl_child #GIRL_CHILD_EDUCATION #son_centric_cultures #chauvinism
#feminism #biology #relationship #happiness #equality #sexual_slavery
#modern_day_slavery #slavery_concepts #modern_day_inequality
#social_problems #socially_sanctioned_slavery

ugly verendah

When an ugly person sits out in a verendah watching passers by, NO ONE
REALLY CARES or bothers them and they get to have a good time
but when a pretty person sits out in a verendah , THE PASSERS BY START
WATCHING THEM and having a good time instead..

Pretty poeple are such a spectacle aren't they?
I HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM ALL MY LIFE...SERIOUSLY, and i hate it...

being a spectacle feels like BEING USED..

I know a lot of STUPID PRETTY PEOPLE, who really have no other skills
and then , they try to MONETIZE THEIR PRETTY by offering to be a GOOD
SPECTACLE..

pretty might work very well for STUPID PEOPLE..
but PRETTY REALLY HAS NO USE for peopel WHO ARE ALREADY TOO TALENTED
to not feel the need to COMMODIFY THEIR BEAUTY..

being a female and being a doctor and then finally being a PRETTY
FEMALE DOCTOR and MOST DUMBCHIT MEN ON THE STREET come running to you
all drooling, NOT KNOWING HOW SMART YOU ARE, coz they assume every
young looking female THING ON THE STREET is just stupid and waiting to
be molested...

WHAT THE FUCK!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

MR.c'S stories about his dad-when ex boyfriends make you proud for having desired them once

You know how,when you look up old boyfriends or old crushes and then,
you are relieved that you never ended up with them coz they turn out
to be such damaged goods later in life?

and sometimes, YOU GET ASHAMED when you look up old boyfriends coz you
start wondering, "what was i thinking!!>why did i like this fucktard
so so much back then?? he is a jackass, what was i thinking!!how did i
ever like this guy back then?"

and sometimes, you look up old crushes and look at how fantastic they
are and FEEL PROUD that you had it in you to know how to choose a
good man...

and surely, MR.C is one of these type of men.

I ALWAYS LIKE IT when one of my old crushes time and again proves to
me WHAT IT WAS IN THEM that made me like them so much..
HELPS ME VALIDATE MY OWN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE WHEN IT COMES TO
SEXUAL CHOICES I MAKE.

I remember writing a blog entry way back in 2006 about mr.c, ABOUT how
attracted i was to his personality, his face, his body, everything.
I FOUND HIM A TOTAL PACKAGE.AND everytime i feel a lot something or
someone, I BLOG IT OUT.

BACK THEN, my blog readers found it amusing that i took the time to
WRITE SUCH AN ELABORATE BLOG ENTRY SAYING HOW MUCH I LIKED MR.C.

years later, i stopped keeping track of him and then in 2012, i
looked him up again and was kinda disappointed to know that he has
finally settled down with this woman.

what disappointed me? his choice of woman
-I felt he deserved better, i felt he settled for less.surely, he
could have done better.

sadly, i see so many intelligent men SETTLE for less when it comes to
chosing a wife/gf.

Maybe men are conditioned to think that all women are going to be the
same old stupid and the best bet they have at making a better choice
is by finding a PRETTY WOMAN.

i don't know,
beats me as to why so many intelligent men end up with stupid wives!

yet another "feminine" woman, the kind of "fake femininity" that is
DRILLED INTO THE MINDS OF WOMEN, to conform to , to PROVE THEIR
FEMININITY..

he got engaged to her coz he got her pregnant?? i don't know, THAT
WHOLE STORY DISAPPOINTED ME and i was like, "another one bites the
dust"

and

I WROTE YET ANOTHER BLOG ENTRY IN 2012, ABOUT MR.C,about how
disappointed i was in how and whom he finally ended up with..

I wrote that blog just to get it out of my system.

and then,I automatically kinda erased him out of my head with that blog entry.

Very recently however, i happened to listen to mr.c talk about his
childhood and ofcourse, he is now MARRIED to his baby momma and
settling down and all..

I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE AND JUDGE HIM ON HIS MARRIAGE AND SUCH.

but, this story from his childhood that he shared atleast MADE ME FEEL
LESS ASHAMED ABOUT MYSELF FOR HAVING BEEN SO ATTRACTED TO HIM AT ONE
POINT..

A MOMENT where one of my exboyfriends makes me feel proud THAT I DO
LIKE QUALITY MEN..

so, mr.c, told this story about how his major influences were his
grandmother and mother..males with female mentors and female role
models always end up QUITE BALANCED.

men who are believers of the feminine power or have witnessed it first
hand during their childhoods tend to be actually inspired by them as
role models and that TOTALLY APPEAL TO ME...as a powerful smart young
woman looking for young men WHO INFACT REALLY KNOW WHAT A STRONG SMART
WOMAN IS ALL ABOUT , AND KNOW FIRST HAND HOW TO INTERACT WITH
THEM...without giving them a headache each day..

ONE MAJOR REASON BACK THEN WHY I FOUND MR.C very attractive was coz HE
WAS SO BALANCED...the right balance in everything
THE RIGHT BALANCE of confidence and yet the humble attitude to have an
open mind to keep learning forever.
THE RIGHT BALANCE to know that he looked good and yet to know that
good looks are not everything
the right balance between having the smartness to finish top honors in
college and yet knowing when to listen to his heart and take an about
turn to embark in a completely different field of work..
MR.C IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE.very balanced dude..such men calm me down
and allow me to relax..coz, i can trust them with things that i
usually burden myself to complete ..

so yeah, coming back to the childhood story mr.c told

he proceeded to tell this story about a conversation his father had
with him when he was a teenager,
father" " boy do you like beautiful women?"
and he recalls being half baffled by that question
and then proceeding to answer, "yes"
and his dad apparently told him, "if you want to GET a pretty wife,
you must become rich" and

i can clearly see the SHOCK and disdain on mr.c's face while he is
recalling that moment, where he realizes that not only is his dad
COMMODIFYING WOMEN as SOME SHINY trophy OBJECT THAT CAN BE PURCHASABLE
WITH MONEY

but i can see how INNATELY, mr.c, disagrees with this chauvinistic
mindset where a woman is just a mere commodity and trophy
and what all men can expect in a wife is a shiny object to fuck
and where relationships are nothing but a nightly fuck with a shiny
trophy object
and due to the limited expectation from such marriages,
men often SEE NO EMOTIONAL REWARD from marriage and seek it elsewhere
in their wingman company
and just have the wife for mindless fucks
and because marriage is just is only a mindless fuck and a safety net,
NO EMOTIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL COMPATIBILITY IS REQUIRED BETWEEN MAN
AND WIFE ANYMORE
AND once that need is removed, women often end up being picked solely
on their appearance.
and once women start getting picked that way based solely on how
pretty they look
WOMEN LEARN TO TURN OFF THEIR EMOTIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL DESIRES TOO
AND START PICKING MEN WHO CAN THEN create a COMFORTABLE LIFE FOR THEM
AND THAT MEANs, "rich men" with whom they have nothing in common and
sometimes not even sexual attraction...

and so, NOT ONLY WAS MR.C's dad a chauvinistic emotionally dead man
with no REAL UNDERSTANDING OF A FULFILLING FUNCTIONAL MARITAL OR
ROMANTIC RELATIONSIP, he was also teaching the next generation of
boys, HIS OWN SON, how to commodify and objectify women..

AND FUNNILY, from the very tone in which mr.C described this story, I
CAN RECOGNIZE, how much he disagreed to that whole concept of seeking
INCOMPLETE EMOTIONALLY DYSFUCTIONAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MAN
AND WOMAN
AND

at that moment, his own current marriage, withstanding,
I FEEL A MOMENT OF PRIDE in him,THAT AT ONE POINT, I WANTED TO DATE
MR.C.with my whole heart...

he made me proud for the fact that i once desired this man.
this man, WHO IS EMOTIONALLY IN TOUCH WITH HIMSELF..
hugs!

TO THIS DAY, OUT OF ALL THE MEN I HAVE DESIRED ...mr.c IS ON THE TOP
TWO LIST of BALANCED MEN...who calm me down and make me trust
them..HUGS..

Tags: #emotional_intelligence, #mr_C,
#chauvinsitic_expectations_from_a_marriage, #Trophy_wife,
#commodification_of_women,#pride, #ex_boyfriends,#sex,#sexuality

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Paranoid about the unknown-a good or a bad thing

paranoid about something unknown?
it could just be a manifestation of your inner fears compounded by your inner insecurities.
inner fears laced with bad past experiences.
much like, ONCE BITTER TWICE SHY.

sometimes i meet NEW PEOPLE.I like them and then i start talking to them and they haven't yet had a chance to know me at all.
and yet some of their reactions to me are weird and then i spend hours trying to figure out what i said or did that caused them to react so strangely..almost as if they already knew me and what they already knew for sure was something they disapproved of

and trust me, THE MORE PEOPLE KNOW ME , THE MORE THEY LIKE ME.it doesn't happen the other way round..

that is when i realized that when you meet STRANGERS and they give you strange funny reactions, it has got more to do with THEIR OWN PAST independant of you and your personality..

ONE BIG LESSON LEARNED AT THE AGE OF 35 NOW IS that when you have done nothing wrong to someone and yet they behave is a weird fashion with you almost as if you did something to them, it has mostly got to do with them.THEIR OWN LIFE, THEIR OWN PAST EXPERIENCES, THEIR OWN PERSONALITY AND THEMSELVES AND NOT YOU...

point in question?
people online almost PROJECT THEIR OWN FEARS onto every anyonymous blog or anonymous twitter account they see.

I already have stalker problems for years now due to VARIOUS GROUPS OF PEOPLE FROM VARIOUS SITUATIONS independantly stalking me or judging me or FUNNILY INTERPRETE MY BLOG ENTRIES IN A TWISTED MANNER because they assume that anyone anonymous MUST BE someone they have had a recent fight with...

STRANGE THAT...
i have never personally had arguments or fights with anyone in THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD EVER...except mr.green
AND HE IS A JACKASS-AN ALMOST FIFTY YEAR OLD JACKASS....who himself knows that he was the liar and what he did to me was really really really really unforgivable..
he knows that.we discussed stuff after our great fight in 2011 and we went our own ways...END OF STORY..

BESIDES HIM, i have NEVER HAD FIGHTS WITH ANYONE EVER..
so, it beats me as to why SO MANY PEOPLE JUST LATCH ON TO ANY ANONYMOUS BLOG THEY FIND AND ASSUME IT IS SOMEONE THEY KNOW...
GOSH!
too much baggage and too much paranoia...and hundred percent of these people I DON'T KNOW, I HAVE NEVER INTERACTED WITH THEM OFFLINE OR ONLINE..

i do only three things on the net-blog on blogspot, tweet on twitter and email for work or blogs...
and that is about it...

i have friends who use facebook or instagram or tumblr and coz of my friends , i go there to see their photos when they tweet about them..

and I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE A YOUTUBE ACCOUNT...duh..i am private enough NOT to want to post pictures on the net..how on earth am i going to post videos?
mainly got to do with safety issues, coz , as a doctor , I SEE atleast fifty or more patients a day..
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHO MY PATIENTS ARE GOING TO BE EACH DAY AND i don't have time to look up to see if my patients are internet bullies or internet stalkers..
and the only thing i have under my control is TO NOT POST PRIVATE INFO OR PRIVATE PHOTOS OF MYSELF.
mostly, coz, i don't want crazy stalkers appearing at my doorstep or at my hospital wanting me to treat them....
so, JUST COZ I HAVE AN ANONYMOUS BLOG doesn't mean everyone can take the liberty to just ASSUME that i am someone whom they just had a fight with..

there are billions of people on this earth and so many of us DO HAVE ANONYMOUS BLOGS OR TWITTER IDS...that doesn't mean that WE ARE SOMEONE YOU KNOW OR SOMEONE YOU FOUGHT WITH...

on a basic level every human talks the same and feels the same and it might also happen that in your mental anguished distorted delusional state, anything i say or discuss might look like a topic the person who you think i am might discuss.
BUT TRUST ME, i am not anyone you know...
GEEZUS..the paranoid delusional mania and reactionary behavior thereof..
THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME atleast four time in the 17 years i have been blogging...
GET OVER IT ALREADY....I AM NOT ANYONE YOU KNOW...
geezus...crazy folks..and their crazy delusions...

Sunday, August 24, 2014

When your spouse EMOTIONALLY WITHDRAWS FROM you-chore burden in a domestic scenario

I am going to start off with stating the fact that i am a board certified physician and thus an QUALIFIED to write a blog entry on medicine or psychology unlike so many unequipped uneducated bloggers who are reading random articles on the internet and then trying to make their own inaccurate psychiatric diagnosis about themselves or those around them.

What brought me to make this article now in 2014 is a recent event.

I watched a video -a vlog as in a video journal log of this VERY VERY TALENTED WOMAN, that i once used to follow on the net.seven years ago she was single and I WON'T REVEAL MORE DETAILS ABOUT HER, but i definitely think she is VERY VERY TALENTED..supertalented..

and just as often as it happens on the net, we sometimes get busy with life and stop keeping track of our fellow internetizens.AND THEN, years later, you want to check on them to find out whatsoever happened to them.

on one such day of the "checking out people from the past" itch, I CHECKED THIS WOMAN OUT, and was surprised to find out that in these seven years, not only has she gotten married, she now has three kids..

and THERE WAS A CHANGE IN HER PERSONALITY.

IN HER VLOGS, she constantly talks about how her husband made this and that and set her kitchen up and other such..

felt very odd, this kinda "husband banter" is what i would expect a sheltered, finanacially dependant housewife who needs a "handman husband" around her house to do things for her to talk or say..

THIS WOMAN? very talented, she could do everything on her ...from what i remembered of her from seven years ago...

BUT NOW, i was almost disappointed at how she talked ...i perceived a loss of personality..a loss of spunk..

ANYWAYS...

coming straight to the ACTUAL POINT OF THIS BLOG...where i plan to talk about domestic chores and how all of that responsiblity is dumped on the FEMALE SPOUSE of the household....

SO, here was this extremely supertalented woman who now was married and had three kids, WHO WAS CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT what she makes for dinner for her family..

she kept talking about how SHE plans the meals for her family AND IT WAS ALWAYS, "i have to plan tommorow's meal" or " i cooked this for my kids today"

and i am like,

HOW COME HER HUSBAND DOESN'T FIGURE IN THE MEAL MAKING PLANS AND HOW COME he is not involved equally in cooking dinner for her kids,,THEIR KIDS...wtf!@

i MEAN, she is a working woman, SHE MAKES MONEY OUTSIDE OF THE HOME, she is NOT FREELOADING on her husband like most financially dependant housewives do...

SO, when she is sharing the MONEY EARNING DUTY WITH HER HUSBAND, isn't her husband also expected to now SHARE the chore doing duty at home?

GENDER EQUALITY IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT..

so, TWO THOUSAND ODD YEARS AGO, women were stripped off their equal rights...trust me, HUMANS LIVED for 750 thousand years and we as an animal species were able to do so mainly coz, both women and men had equal access to food and other power rights in their tiny communities

and 2000 years ago, a bunch of jackasses created this idea of LAND OWNERSHIP and then, they PROHIBITED WOMEN from owning land and then, created a POWERLESS CLAN OF WOMEN,who had no access to the resources of the community unless they provided sexual services to a male member of society.

further more ,in these two thousand years, women also were actively prevented from getting education..SKILLS WERE DELIBERATELY passed on only to sons.

So girl children would grow up being DISCRIMINATED AGAINST IN A SENSE OF DESPONDENCY, to a point of adulthood wherein they are desperate to quicly sexually associate themselves with a male member of society coz they have no education and no prospect of jobs in a chauvinistic discriminatory society and no hope for food or security for the future as they were prohibited from land ownership too.

WHY I AM GIVING YOU THIS HISTORICAL BACKGROUND IS to let you better understand how the DUTY OF DOING ALL THE FAMILIAL CHORES FELL ON THE WOMAN'S HEAD ..

coz by the time adulthood SHE IS FINANCIALLY DESPERATE..AND when being with a man, IT IS INDIRECTLY IMPLIED that she earns her food in the family by doing EVERYONE'S CHORES ...

ideally?

IF A GUY GETS HUNGRY, he must be able to get up, chop his veggies, cook his rice, make his sides and eat his meal and clean his dishes too..

THAT IS HOW NORMAL NATURE'S LAWS WORK...you work, you reap results..

HOWEVER,in a chuavinistic society , a man just askes his wife to cook his meal and he just eats, she does the prep, she cooks and she cleans after him...

EVEN IF SHE IS A GENIUS IN PHYSICS, all she is reduced to do is CLEAN THE BABY'S BUTT, AND CLEAN HER HUSBAND'S LAUNDRY..

a waste of human resource and truly a concept of SOCIETY APPROVED ABUSE.

gosh, WHY DO I MAKE MY BLOG ENTRIES ALWAYS SO LONG..

i planned to make a small ,crisp, to the point blog entry but this blog entry just is writing itself out..(btw, i never edit my blog entries, almost everything i post is a FIRST DRAFT).

SO, yeah.

In such a system of abuse, WOMEN OFTEN TEND TO FEEL RESIGNED TO THEIR FATE AND IN THAT PROCESS develop a DEEP SEATED DEPRESSION ...AS A CONCEPT OF A GENERALIZED GENDER TRAIT..

if you leave, virginia woolf's novel mrs.dalloway or watched the movie adaptation of her work called THE HOURS, you will understand the DEEP DEPRESSION SEEN SPECIFICally in the female members of a chauvinistic society as a rule, NOT BECAUSE it is a genetic trait,but a trait that has developed as a COPING MECHANISM to deal with a generally pervasive social system .WHICH ACTIVELY AND RIGHTFULLY DISCRIMINATES against women at the familial and societal level.

so, yeah, coming back to the woman i talked about at the beginning of this blog entry..MARRIAAGE HAS CHANGED HER..it has mellowed her happy spirit and that hurts me to watch.

as a VERY SMART, VERY MULTITALENTED FEMALE PHYSICIAN MYSELF, this upsets me...

and in this same context , sometime in 2009, I HAD INTENDED TO WRITE A SIMILAR BLOG ENTRY ON THE SAME SUBJECT with a relevant story from another couple...and ofcourse, MUST LIKE SO MANY OF MY PENDING BLOG ENTRIES, i didn't write and post it back then.

I SHALL INCLUDE THAT STORY AS WELL, RIGHT HERE...coz it suits the context

in 2009, on TV, i watched a documentary series that dealt with varied social topics and on one such episode, they did talk about CHORE SHARING AT HOME and

as part of the documentary, THEY INTERVIEWED THIS YOUNG MALE, who told this VERY INSIGHTFUL INTERESTING STORY FROM HIS OWN LIFE.

he told that when he and his female sexual partner first started living together, he AUTOMATICALLY assumed that she was the one who was supposed to do the dishes and other chores coz all boys are brought up in families where the woman ends up doing the chores of everyone else too.

AND he says that they had dated for years before they finally moved in together.

and within a month of their moving in, HE REALIZED SOMETHING.

HE REALIZED THAT SHE EMOTIONALLY WITHDREW.

and when he realized that.HE TRIED TO FIND OUT AND ANALYZE WHAT HE MIGHT HAVE DONE IN ORDER FOR HER TO EMOTIONALLY WITHDRAW THAT WAY, when infact , for the many years that they dated though they never lived together, HE HAD EXPERIENCE IMMENSE EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS WITH HER...

he realized that the emotional withdrawal started possibly because she felt RESENTFUL AND BETRAYED that she did the dishes each night and she did all the chores.

THIS YOUNG MAN THEN HAD THE emotional intelligence TO REPAIR THIS crack in his previously wonderful relationship.

HE OFFERED TO SHARE ALL THE CHORES WITH HER and soon he realized that she was back to the emotionally available state she used to be with him during their dating period..

yes, SMALL THINGS you do , CAN HURT YOUR SPOUSE OR HEAL YOUR SPOUSE AND MEND OR BREAK RELATIONSHIPS.

I always say this to everyone,

if you want to eat, learn to cook

if you want clean dishes, CLEAN THEM YOURSELF.

if you want your house clean, clean it YOURSELF.

if you know how to poop, YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO CLEAN YOUR OWN TOILET.

if you wear clothes, YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY.

this adage holds good for anyone over the age of 11, irrespective of what your gender or social standing is..

i don't care if you are rich or poor or a man or a woman..PLEASE DO YOUR OWN CHORES, don't be shameless and make someone else do all your drudgery chores..IT IS ABUSE..

Tags: #gender_equality, #gender_discrimination, #chore_distribution_in_a_family, #why_are_women_forced_to_do_all_chores_in_a_familial_unit

Sunday, April 6, 2014

a stress trigger and an emotional trigger

and that day when i decided that i don't want to talk to you anymore ?
that old neighbor lady of mine,
that crazy abusive lady with her shrill voice
and her kleptomaniac gossipy ways,
she came visiting our building
and talked to the neighbors
and her voice i could hear from inside my apartment
as she talked to the neighbors upstairs
and a few hours after that,
I quickly emailed you ...a
nd broke my resolve to never email you again..
THAT DAY IN FEBRUARY, it was a stress trigger that caused me to email you

seven years ago,
that day when i saw that thin wiry green eyed kind kid help me without
me asking for it
and that one second where our eyes met just before i got into the elevator
and i saw that he had GREEN EYES just like yours,it was a flash of
missing you and of being reminded of you.
i got out of the elevator,
got into the apartment and quickly emailed you that day
and we hadn't spoken in almost a year by then.
that day when i emailed you like that after seeing that green eyed boy?
THAT was because of AN EMOTIONAL TRIGGER.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

How psychiatry demeans and devalues the importance and value of a sense of "grandiosity" in society and it's members

I AM A BOARD CERTIFIED MEDICAL DOCTOR
and i have read enough psychiatry textbooks while in med school..
This is definitely an INFORMED piece of writing.(bows to crowd)

GRANDIOSITY

AS a medical doctor, when i read PSYCHIATRY JOURNALS, where "patients"
are referred to as having "problems" with GRANDIOSITY...

all i am thinking is,

WHEN shahjahan thought of building the TAJMAHAL, ofcourse he was being grandiose
When sushrutha ATTEMPTED craniotomy CENTURIES BEFORE christianity and
its chauvinistic unscientific ways existed and hippocrates, OFCOURSE
HE WAS BEING GRANDIOSE

when MANYA SKLAWOSKA(MARIE CURIE) was boiling pitchblend TRYING TO
discover material that can SEE THE INSIDES OF THE BODY, ofcourse she
was BEING GRANDIOSE...

AS A HUMANITY, if we need to move forward,WE NEED TO BE GRANDIOSE...

pyschiatry for some reason CELEBRATES CLONE LIKE "NORMAL" BEHAVIOR...

normal behavior has never got us anything.

if leonardo da vinci and gandhi and einstein and newton and ramanujam
ALL had decided not to be GRANDIOSE with their endeavours, WE WOULD
ALL STILL BE sitting in the dark ages.

HUMANITY REQUIRES GRANDIOSITY, inspite of what psychiatry textbooks insist.

I CHOOSE TO BE GRANDIOSE AND I HAVE A GRANDIOSE PLAN FOR MY LIFE AND
FOR HUMANITY.

i might look like a fool with delusional ideas right now, coz the rest
of the "normal" clones DON'T KNOW SHIT...

my original thoughts are important to me.

AND I WILL PAY ATTENTION TO THEM AND HONOR THEM

and try to make sense of those ideas ,

even if psychiatric textbooks tell me i am being grandiose..

SO YEAH...there ya go!

Tags: #psychiatry #grandiosity #delusional #maniac #pschotic #normal
#shahjahan #plato #galileo #manya_sklowoska #gandhi #ramanujam
#marie_curie #greatness #normal #clones #psychology #originality

Does being a "woman" automatically translate into being viewed as "desperate" in chauvinistic societies?

This is not a VERY ELABORATE psychology article like i usually write.
this is JUST SOMETHING i jotted down in a journal of mine and
FIGURED, i must share it with all readers here on this antidote to
anger blog...

I might deal with this whole sociology topic in a more elaborate blog
at a later point of time, k?
for now, just this tiny titbit

here goes>>>

MY QUESTION is,
why has society trained the psyche of so many of it's male members to
think that they are good enough for the woman they think they are good
enough for?

coz,somehow,the fact that someone is a woman, is automatically
percieved as a desperate situation where they must make do with men
who are actually not good enough for them ?

and why does society create situations where women are made to feel
desperate or percieved as desperate?

I am a 35 year old female physician and i know for a fact that ,
BIOLOGICALLY SPEAKING,women are superior .
They have more chromosomal material in each cell than a man,
they have more biological functions and capabilities than men too

..it is only that funny that societal rules of "gender discriminatory
laws of property ownership" and "selective gender discriminatory
opportunity deprivation" have made women into desperate beings.

this is all SCHEMATIC ABUSE.
this is unatural and against the order of nature and
this is PURELY CIRCUMSTANCIAL,
this "automatic desperation" of women,dictated by chauvinistic societies

tags: #sociology #gender_studies
#how_land_and_property_ownership_laws_might_have_created_gender_inequality_in_the_past,
#gender_equality #are-women_desperate #girl_power
#biologically_superior #women's_issues #chauvinism #feminism
#sociology #power_inequal_marriages

The "retiring into conch shell" syndrome to survive and continue in dysfunctional relationships

I am going to use my own story and my relationship with mr.black(my
med school boyfriend back then), to explain this principle of how
people are shell shocked to even react fast in an extremely
UNREWARDING RELATIONSHIP and get out of it fast enough to prevent
themselves from getting damaged.

most people stay long enough and not react by getting out of an
unrewarding relationship and continue in it till it damages them in
some way..

here goes my story.
Just read and understand or apply to your own context if you are
currently in such a similar situation:

story starts>>>>>

AT ONE POINT, quite early in our acquaintance, I REALIZED MR BLACK was
a fraud and a "can of worms"..

AND all i had to do was to stop reeling in shock and just walk away..

for some reason, MY MIND NEVER LET ME FEEL LIKE i could walk away..

FOR SOME REASON, i wanted to stay with him and dwell in misery like
that each day..

ON DAYS,I would look at his face and almost want to SLAP HIM, that is
how much of anger i was bottling up.

IT IS ONLY WHEN YOU ARE UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED WITH THE OTHER PERSON'S
PERSONALITY OR UTTERLY DEJECTED OR UTTERLY SHOCKED IN DISBELIEF AT
WHAT A NASTY MONSTER THEY ARE, that you subconcsiously decide to
retire into your own shell,
the safety of it and
SHUT OUT ALL THE NOISE
and then continue days on and on with this person you utterly hate..

FUNNILY, many women or men might stay in such relationships coz there
is some catch...
many housewives stay in such relationships coz they are financially
dependant on such a person,
many men stay with bad women coz they fear that they will lose half
their money if they divorce their wife whom they utterly hate..

so, always, when people know that the person they are with is a
monster and yet they stay on , THERE IS A CATCH..

i had no catch..
HE WASN'T HANDSOME ,
THE SEX SUCKED COZ I HATED HIM AND I HATED HIS EVERY TOUCH AND
funnily,after hating him so much,

sex was the only way i could resolve any conflict i had with him
and conflicts were always present
coz he was such a fraud and there were conflicts everday
and everyday I would try to make it all feel better by having sex a
nd then I HATED MYSELF FOR HAVING SEX WITH HIM ,

AND he had this funny belief that he was SOMEHOW doing me some favor
and making me feel better by giving me sex..

anyways, where i was , YEAH, there was no catch..

HE GAVE ME NOTHING ..and yet for some reason, I WAS AFRAID TO WALK OUT...

no one stays like that in relationships which don't give them anything..

there was nothing stopping me from leaving either, no threat of any
physical danger much like some women or men for that matter
face...they fear that this women or man they are leaving might harm
them later..

he would have pretty much left me alone had i walked out of that relationship.

SO,WHY DID I SAY AND LINGER IN THAT FILTH till fnally I LOST MYSELF
AND AFTER SIX YEARS,I LOST MY MARBLES TOO...

hmmmm
that is what ROBIN NORWOOD explains in her book called WOMEN WHO LOVE
TOO MUCH...

which is why,I STILL HAVEN'T READ THAT "RECOVERY PLAN" SHE SUGGESTS,
coz first off, i want to test water my behavior with men AFTER HAVING
READ ALL other CHAPTERS she wrote in that book ,citing case examples
of women and men in dysfunctioanl relationships and but yet not
having read the recovery plan.

AND THEN, after test the waters a bit, I will come back, read the case
histories again and then , finally when i know i am prepared to CROSS
THAT THRESHhOLD, i will read the "recovery plan" chapters...

i have to ,, have to.

Tags: #disconnected_behavior_in_dysfunctional_relationships , #anger,
#psychology , #psychiatry , #relationships #too_shocked_to_react
#mr_black #mr_green #mr_purple #dysfunctional_relationships #family
#escapism #daydreaming_to_escape_pain #pain

Friday, February 7, 2014

Expletives explained! -C#nt

I always used to think that the expletive CUNT meant just >>>:: a very
manipulative deceptive person" till someone twitter ,pointed out to me
that
Historically,
the word " cunt "
initially meant only VAGINA
and then slowly it became synonymous with a "deceptive manipulative person"
and yet,still,cunt also continues to be used to mean vagina as well!!!

...gasp!

What does that say about the gender_dynamics and gender_sensitization
in english speaking chauvinistic cultures?

#gender_dynamics, #vagina , #expletives_that_are_OFFENSIVE_to_women ,
#female_defamatory_expletives, #expletives

Please note that this article is a double post.it is being posted both on my
ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG
LECINQBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM
simultaneously,for the benefit of both readers!

Monday, November 18, 2013

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/ in the past year!

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my antidote to anger blog.

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

I write about #pschiatry, #psychology and #psychosociology in my antidote to anger blog.

here goes

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Blog entries from my poetry and poise blog that are doing the google PLUS rounds

Saturday, November 16, 2013

A whopping sixty THOUSAND and eight hundred odd people have google PLUSEd my poetry and poise blog in two days!how?

In the past two days something CURIOUS has happened.
A whopping SIXTY thousand eight hundred and forty eight people have
google plused my
POETRY AND POISE BLOG.
whoa!
GOOGLE kept asking me to join google plus and I have NOT joined so far.
so,I really wonder how my blogs are actually visible on the google
plus network enabling people to GOOGLE PLUS them!
Is my poetry and poise blog being featured on google plus?
What is happening?
baffled,surprised and honored all at the same time.
thanks to all google plus members who have read,liked and google
plused various blog entries of mine!
HONORED .
I do write six different blogs,and you can read all of them here
http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387
I also tweet here
twitter.com/lecinqblog
twitter.com/ypumelfen
You can always say hi to me on twitter or email me even.
hugs and cheers to all readers.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Robin norwood's quote about DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ,THEIR DEFINITION AND HOW and WHY THEY FAIL-quote and discussion

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS OR QUOTES) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

=================================================================================================================

Robin norwood's quote about DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ,THEIR DEFINITION AND HOW and WHY THEY FAIL

QUOTE

What all unhealthy families have in common is their inability to discuss root problems.There may be other problems that are discussed,often ad nauseum ,but these often cover up the underlying secrets that make the family dysfunctional.

A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY is one in which members play rigid roles and in which communication is severely restricted to statements that fit these roles.

Members ARE NOT FREE to express a full range of experiences,wants,needs and feelings,but rather must limit themselves to playing that part which accomodates those played by other family members.

Roles operate in all families,BUT,as circumstances change,the members must also change and adapt in order for the family to continue to remain healthy. The kind of mothering or fathering for a one year old is highly INAPPROPRIATE for a thirteen year old and the parenting role MUST ALTER TO ACCOMODATE REALITY.

In dysfunctional families,major aspects of reality are denied,and roles remain rigid.

When no one can discuss that affects every family member individually as well as the family as a whole-indeed,when such discussion is forbidden IMPLICITLY (the subject is changed) or EXPLICITLY ( we don't talk about those things) -we learn not to believe in our own perceptions or feelings.

Because our family denies our reality,we begin to deny it too.

And this SEVERLY IMPAIRS the development of our BASIC TOOLS FOR LIVING LIFE AND FOR RELATING TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS.

UNQUOTE

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE ABOUT DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES

I keep mentioning the word "dysfunctional" in many of my tweets..repeatedly..

what is dys-functional?

something that is NOT -FUNCTIONING.

SOMETHING THAT IS NOT DOING THE JOB IT IS SUPPOSED TO DO.

A family unit is supposed to be a CLOSE-KNIT group of individuals often biologically or sexually related or involved and any given family unit and its members must be in a position to be each other's support system.

When such REAL SUPPORT fails to exist in a family,the family would be deemed DYSFUNCTIONAL.

Often,people assume that GRAVE SEXUAL CRIMES AND SEXUAL ABUSE OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OR DOMESTIC BATTERING MUST BE INVOLVED IN dysfunctional families,but

as a physician who closely observes and takes notes,

THERE ARE SO MANY SUBTLE VARIATIONS OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY which are just as damaging and are FAR MORE COMMONPLACE IN so many families.They may not be DRAMATIC but they are just as damaging.

When I write articles on this ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG, i often try to PICK ONE ASPECT OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY AT A TIME and deal with it in a concise manner in a blog entry.

Feel free to browse the tag-cloud and archives to reader older articles of mine where i talk about various shades of dysfunctionality.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes

==============================================================

=================================================================================================================

DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

Robin Norwood's guidelines for identifying WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH-quote and discussion

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS and QUOTES) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

=================================================================================================================

===========================================================

Robin Norwood guidelines for identifying WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH

QUOTE

1/Typically,you come from a dysfunctional home in which YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS WERE NOT MET.

2/Having received little real nurturing yourself,you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a care-giver,especially to men who appear ,in some way,needy.

3/Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm,loving caretaker(s) you longed for,you respond deeply to the familiar type of EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN whom you can again try to change through your love.

4/Terrified of abandonment,you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.

5/Almost nothing is too much trouble,takes too much time ,or is too expensive if it will "help" the man you are involved with.

6/ACCUSTOMED TO LACK OF LOVE IN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ,you are WILLING TO WAIT,HOPE and try harder to please

7/You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the RESPONSIBILITY,guilt,and blame in any relationship.

8/Your self-esteem is critically low ,and deep inside YOU DO NOT BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.Rather ,you believe you must EARN the right to enjoy life.

9/You have a desperate need to control your menand your relationships,having experienced LITTLE SECURITY IN CHILDHOOD.,You MASK your efforts to control people and situations as "BEING HELPFUL"

10/In a relationship,you are much more in touch with your dream OF HOW IT COULD BE than with the REALITY OF THE SITUATION.

11/You are addicted to men and to emotional pain.

12/You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs,alcohol and /or certain foods,particularly sugary ones.

13/By being drawn to PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS THAT NEED FIXING,or by being enmeshed in situations that are CHAOTIC,UNCERTAIN,AND EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL,you AVOID FOCUSING ON YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF.

14/You may have a tendency towards episodes of depression,which you try to FORESTALL through the EXCITEMENT PROVIDED BY AN UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIP.

15/You are not attracted to men who are kind,stable,reliable and interested in you .You find such "nice" men boring.

==============================================================

Tags:

Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes,women_who_love_too_much,book_review,11days300pages,love,desire,romance,women,Guidelines to identify women who love too much

www.simonandschuster.com/

Robin Norwood talks about LABELS-QUOTE and discussion

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

=================================================================================================================

QUOTE

Perhaps,though your problems with men are similar to theirs,you will have difficulty associating yourself with the "labels" that apply to come of these women's backgrounds.We all have strong emotional reactions to words like ALCOHOLISM,incest,VIOLENCE and addiction , and sometimes we cannot look at our own lives realistically because we are so afraid of having these LABELS apply to us or to those we love.

Sadly, our inability to use the words where they apply often precludes our getting APPROPRIATE HELP.

UNQUOTE

This is an excerpt from the book WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My personal anecdote about labels

If you are a regular reader of my tweets,you will also notice how much i dislike stereotyping and labels and rigid useless social rules.

PEOPLE label things coz they don't understand certain behaviors or are afraid of certain behaviors..

labelling is used as a social technique to control and stigmatize ..IT IS THE SOCIAL STIGMA associated with labels that I object to.``

==============================================================

Tags:

www.simonandschuster.com/

Saturday, October 12, 2013

MR.T OPENS HIS STUPID MOUTH AND THE SEXUALITY FLIES OUT THE WINDOW?the love boat has sailed!

This Blog article is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

===================================================================================================================

I meant to write this blog article maybe a couple of months ago...and given that blogs that were meant to be written way back in nov 2005 are still pending(yes,I WAS BLOGGING EVEN THEN and even much before that!),This minor delay in writing this blog is just fine.no?

A couple of months ago,MR.T posted something online,which if you examine carefully was done by him in a spirit of PLAYFULNESS .He was attempting to be funny.

Sometimes the strange deep truths of our souls suddenly get exposed when they are trying to be funny.

He made a joke,which if you look carefully,exposes his own racist undertones...and...the fact that he didn't even realize prior to making such a joke that it could possibly be construed as being racist,tells how NORMAL he consider such a joke to be !

For me getting turned on by someone ,HAS A STRONG ILLOGICAL EMOTIONAL FACTOR TO IT.AGain,so many underlying factors to why i find whom sexy too!maybe another blog entry for that,k?

So,yeah,anyways...DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THE EXACT JOKE HE SAID..AND WHATEVER..

But then once he made that joke..I WAS LIKE, 'what?"

Anyways,I pointed it out to him,many many days later,as to how thoughtless his joke was...

NOT SURE,if he took my criticism TOO MUCH to his heart or what.

Either ways..Ever since that joke incident happened...I DON'T FIND HIM SEXY ANYMORE.

Yes,the man about whom I WROTE THE LONGEST POEM IN MY BLOG HISTORY...LOL,that man,MR.T,I didn't find sexy anymore.:(((

Mr.T

says something stupid and boom,IN ONE GO,his smouldering sexuality flies out the window..and suddenly,I start looking at him like what he really is.

He is married

.(usually the moment i know someone is married,I automatically get turned off-but anyways)

He is too old

(again,once someone is not in my age group 3 yrs give or take,THEY AUTOMATICALLY create a mental block-but off late, so many older men catching my interest.:(( I blame mr.green for doing this to my mindset-he kinda eliminated that mindblock and now I am jail broken!

He has the responsibility of three kids

and a financially dependant wife! (Again,way back in 2008,i wrote a blog entry about what kind of a man i would date or marry, and mr.t IS LIKE a sure ANTI-THESIS to those list of things i want in a man.Not sure which blog i wrote this blog entry on-just scroll up to the top of the page and there are links to all five or six blogs I write and you can scour the archives for that older blog entry...fun read, I insist)

He is a high school drop-out. (

I am of the opinion that all of us must have the determination to complete SOME BASIC EDUCATION -like a GRAD DEGREE..Doing a post grad and phd is totally a further decision..but please please GO TO COLLEGE-IT IS A RITE OF PASSAGE)

He is not a SUPER-genius at his trade either.

His expertise comes from having done the same thing for years and years...When people get good at things they did for years and decades,that is NOT genius..it is DEDICATION AND HARDWORK and practice.(which are good things,btw)

Now ,after he said that "something stupid",suddenly,all I COULD SEE HIM is as this old man,who dropped out of school,picked up whatever job he could,WORKED HARD and gained material success and fame but still his job is not some SUPER GENIUS INTELLECTUAL JOB OR SOME SUCH...he has a wife, kids,and well, NOT MY TYPE!

FUNNY,how some sudden incident BREAKS UP THE MIRAGE we were floating in comfortably for so long...I AM GLAD THAT MIRAGE GOT BROKEN,coz now,I FEEL FREE( I don't have committment phobia or anything..but committing to the wrong things is detrimental to self-growth and suffocating)

Anyways,there are still some warm feelings of goodwill left..

coz,

I STILL SEE HIM AS A KIND MAN AND A NICE PERSON and a chirpy quirky funny personality.. and his face maybe old but still cute nevertheless..and the reason why I NAMED HIM MR.T is coz he has an amazingly bronze naturally tan complexion--and i like that very much...and he still has that complexion ...so the name stays good

aND SINCE he is still a NICE PERSON in my books.I WILL ALWAYS WISH HIM WELL... and want him to do good...Best wishes? AND HUGS TOO...( I am such a hugs person)

but as of now, THE LOVE BOAT HAS SAILED and I am still one the shore! yay!

Tags: mr_t, love_lost, love, happiness, kindness,simplicity,sweet_guy,old_man,hugs_and_goodbye,

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

EXCERPTS FROM ROBIN NORWOOOD'S BOOK " WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH" -PART 1-defining my relationship with mr.green-SELF-ANALYSIS

1234567890

This Blog article is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

=================================================================================================================

EXCERPTS FROM ROBIN NORWOOOD'S BOOK " WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH" -PART 1

PAGE NO 176

The part very relevant for me in defining my relationship with mr.green-SELF-ANALYSIS

QUOTE

For the woman who loves too much,the practice of denial,magnanimously rephrased as "overlooking his faults" or "keeping a positive attitude," conveniently sidesteps the TWO-TO-TANGO aspect of how his shortcomings allow her to practice her familiar roles.When her drive to control masquerades as "being helpful" and "giving encouragement",WHAT IS IGNORED again is her own need for the superiority and power implied in this kind of interaction!

UNQUOTE

MY ANALYSIS OF MY PAST RELATIONSHIP WITH MR.GREEN using this quote as a reference

First off,GUILTY AS CHARGED.

I mean,when I go read my old emails to him or my old blog entries about him,I notice that I constantly use words or phrases that amount to,OVERLOOKING HIS FAULTS,blah blah blah, AND BEING HELPFUL,blah blah blah and GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT,

Infact,FUNNILy,given that I am a doctor and well versed in psychiatry,in an ironic manner,I MYSELF mentioned the TWO-TO-TANGO analogy too somewhere in my tweets and emails back then.

seriously,wtf!

I think My decision to get romantically involved with mr.green ,DEFINITELY had elements of "MY OWN NEEDS FOR SUPERIORITY and power"...coz,see,It all started off with me trying to have COUNSELING CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM FOR HIS ALCOHOLISM.

He kept steering the conversations into a sexually toned conversation.

I mean,i am a doctor.so,seriously,I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED WITH HIM ROMANTICALLY given how troubled he was.But I did.why?

The reason why i thought it was okay to do so ,was coz,somewhere in the deepest depths of my mind,I was enjoying that NEED FOR SUPERIORITY that comes with being that ENCOURAGING WOMAN TO A TROUBLED ALCOHOLIC MAN?

hmmmmm,also,the whole time that the interaction lasted,I was clearly AWARE that there was something wrong in me,for wanting to be with him.LOL..AND I KEPT MENTIONING THAT IN EMAILS TO HIM...seriously.wtf!

=================================================================================================================

DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to be able to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on these very topics that I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement-free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.

Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably,what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree with her.But again ,I still think that helping others is a great idea!

Having said all this,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.

Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

Sunday, June 16, 2013

My fondest memories of me with my dad,so far!

1/My earliest memory of him was me and him walking in the evening to
the juice bar near our home,me holding his fat index finger (he was
not fat,but he had chubby hands) ,the index finger which he would
point out to me ,gesturing for me to hold it.I prolly was four or five
then?evening walks and grape juice..(which I found too sour to my
taste btw,so I would drink pineapple juice)

2/As a kid,in second grade,I remember him offering to make me instant
ramen noodles-and he was enticing me saying how tasty it was gonna
be.It was early evening.This memory is imprinted in my mind for some
reason!We had a cherry wood cupboard and bright windows in that living
room back then.

3/As a kid,my dad would make us FINGER CHIPS,his name for freedom
fries..or french fries.HE MAKES THEM WELL TOO.Fresh cut potato fries
are the best.

4/Sometime around fourth/fifth grade,he taught me how to use the knife
and fork.We had a green dining table then and the kitchen opened up to
a spacious backyard with a kitchen garden...And one morning , he was
like,wait,you are doing it wrong,hold the fork with your left hand and
here pick up the knife, hold it with your right..and boom,I LEARNED
instantly.

5/Sometime during sixth grade,my mom was out of town and so,for
dinner,my dad took me to a restaurant and I had tomato soup...the
croutons crunched in my mouth and back then I didn't know what I
ate--I didn't know they were croutons...so,I thought to myself that
they were magic ingredients in the soup that crunched in your
mouth..Awwww

6/Also,in seventh grade,my dad made me my school lunch for 4 days when
my mom was out of town..So,each day,in my school lunch,I would
find,PLUM CAKE in my lunch box, in addition to the usual fare..What a
tasty surprise..awww.

7/Yeah,another fond memory was our sunday strolling trips when I was
in first and second grade.We would walk all the way to the strip mall
near our home and they he would buy shampoo for himself and he would
buy BUBBLEGUM for me..There has been many a sunday wherein,i have
swallowed the bubblegum while chewing on the way back and then spent
all sunday worrying about what would happen to me coz i swallowed
gum..true story

8/Another evening stroll memory with my father is that of our bakery
visits..he would buy me glazed cherries or cumin tea biscuits at the
bakery and I would watch all the evening walkers at the stores while
we strolled...awwww.What fond memories(wonder,if dad remembers our
strolls-must email him or call him to find out)

9/As I grew up,dad kept traveling so much for work that he barely got
time to spend with us.so,some stories amiss from that phase of my
childhood.

10/This may not be a fond memory but a deeply imprinted memory of my
dad walking around with the vacuum cleaner all around the house
cleaning on sundays, not allowing us kids to sleep in late on a
sunday!
..the vroom vroom of his vacuum cleaner would automatically wake up
us ,as he would mindlessly try to vacuum around us in our
bedrooms..LOL..SERIOUSLY,,,come on!

11/During eleventh and 12th grade,my dad has accidentally come across
me on streets,RIDING the motorbike..."JUST TOO FAST" to quote his own
words..He would be like, " I saw you riding here and here on your
bike..I saw you from my car ..and you were just riding too
fast"'LOL...and yeah,,he would be after my case for not washing my
bike and keeping it clean...btw,,the motorbike was his gift to me for
TOPPING IN SCIENCE AND MATH AND EVERY other subject in school in the
tenth grade...Yay me!

12/One fond memory with him was me at 16yrs of age,learning to drive
and then with our chauffeur beside me in the front of the car and my
dad and sis and mom on the back seat.I drove on the freeway for the
first time ,very efficiently ..and everyone was so proud of me ,that
I drove so well, and then I GOT STUCK on gear shift on the way back
..and all hell broke loose..LOL..Then the chaffeur had to take over
and get the car out of the mess ..

13/Before entering med school, I actually semi graduated in
biochemistry..so,during that grad school,one of my grad school friends
would visit me at my home quite often..For some reason,my dad kept
complaining that I made friends with NO-GOODERs.
seriously,he would mock this poor girl(in her absence ofcourse) .NOT a
fond memory,but a deeply imprinted one at that.

14/My dad came with me when i took my college admission tests prior med school.
and my dad came with me when I joined med school...Such a proud day
for him...and then I called mom and told her I got into med school...A
BIG dream realized for me..AND I am glad my dad was there that moment
to share it with me..:))I think I made him damn mighty proud that day!

15/During the first year of med school, my dad and mom ,would come
visit me often,coz in their minds,I was still their little daughter
and so,they thought, i needed frequent checking on....
My dad would buy me BOXES of chocolate bars during each visit,enough
to last me till the next time he visits.
GENEROUS dad my dad...not just with chocolates but with BUYING ME
BOOKS-VERY GENEROUS,no questions asked,all books will be bought
without question...:))))

16/I think>>> I kinda moved away from home at the age of 19 for med
school and NEVER MOVED BACK...I have from time to time STAYED with my
parents for long periods, maybe a few months...but, see, WE BIRDIE
KIDS have flown the nest...We are now strong , professional
women..dreaming our own dreams,making it big ...and making our parents
proud...but my dad misses us ...one day very recently blurted out,"oh
but I love for my kids to be near me all the time"

MANY more fond memories waiting to happen..and so,on this day.
I WISH MY PARENTS...both mom and dad,,GOOD HEALTH AND HAPPINESS and A
LONG HEALTHY LIFE...coz,when I FINALLY receive my NOBLE PRIZES,I want
them sitting proud in the audience..cheering me away...HUGS DEAR PA
AND MA!
tAGS:father's_day,father,mother,memories,my_fondest_memories_with_my_dad,childhood,happy_moments,biography,life,love,family,father_and_daughter,

Read My Other Blogs

Read some more of my blogs!

Please hover over the topic of your choice, then click to go to that topic on this blog

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Friday, February 7, 2014

Monday, November 18, 2013

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Search This Blog

Blog Archive-OLD IS GOLD.read away!

My Email Address

About Me

I write this blog in English.TRANSLATE IT into your native language for easy comprehension

Popular Posts

statcounter