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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Heya, I am happy

Okay, first off, I think something someone said kinda made a big positive difference or some such.
Or possibly the self acknowledgement that i am lazy with the seriously spooky nightmare did the trick.
Either ways, I finished studing a whole large book all of 530 pages all in a period of one day. This I did with long lounging breaks too.
I did have episodes of hypoglycemia induces slowing down.
But hey, I finished it.
Feels great.
But then , I think i am completely riled up.
I feel pukey and nervous too.
Too excited coz i have a few more days of this horrible drudgery to do .
I need a hug. Is anyone listening?
Ehugs will do. gimme some will ya?
Yeah, also , can someone tell me how to fix a paperback book where all the pages are seperated from the spine ?
I mean, I had been reading this 530 page book constantly underlining on it and making notes all over the page and now it is an abused book with ripped off pages. I need to stick them back onto the spine. Gimme tips please.
Yeah, also, thanks for the "best wishes" Thanks. They are deeply appreciated and cherished.
Love and hugs

Voluntary Isolation helps deal with inner angst !

Few people get the opportunity to actually manage to seclude themselves if they wanted to.
Usually many of us have spouses whom we suddenly cannot send packing off coz we need alone time --I mean, "don't even say Hi to me when you see me" kinda seclusion.
i like to take these seclusion sabbaticals from time to time. It helps to unwind like crazy(ooops, like not crazy)
Buy groceries good enough for a week, and stay indoors. yeah, If you don't have any work deadline then watching tv or browsing the internet is okay, But as is my case now, If you have a serious work deadline , then no tv, no newspaper, no nonwork books and no internet for most part unless for research purposes and voila, seclusion leading to productivity.
More producitivity, less anger.
We as people are more likely to ignore the small bad things when we are generally happy and productive otherwise.
So, yes, truly taking a mini sabattical.
All of my readers can read my older blog entries if they revisit and find no updates.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Internet thieves

Some Internet thief just stole one of my own poem from my other site Poetry and prose and happily posted it on their website.
they never wrote to me asking for permission.
they never linked back.
Useless plagiarists.
Seriously, obviously, i am angry

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I am gonna take a bit of my own advice

I am gonna try and rest my overworked brain by going on a mini sabbatical where i am going to be selfishly disassociated.
lemme try.
it just might work for me to get back to being an overachiever.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

First hit the baby, then pacify it?

You know, there are some people who are passive aggressive and highly manipulative.
I think i have said this before on this blog,but gonna say again that
 passive aggressive behaviour stems from a deep sense of shame.
Any person who has a very low opinion about oneself  feels that they have no right to openly ask for things and get them.But yet, they still want whatever it is that they covet. Therefore,they end up being highly manipulative and passive aggressive.
These passive aggressive people have such malicious twisted methods of operation that it deeply angers me.

I also note that ,for some reason, the very undeserving and talentless people are the very ones who are very greedy too. They want all that they don't deserve and they go any far to get what they want.And they also try to pretend to not want it,while in their heart of hearts they surely want it and have already schemed a manipulative plan to achieve it too. They act cool on the outside while making sure they plan things enough to ensure someone is snared into their boobie trap. They are malicious focks like that.

In conjunction to the same topic, let us also discuss TALENTLESS people who have managed to be in a relationship with a TALENTED person.It is an UNSAVORY MATCH...
I have noticed that TALENTLESS people deliberately choose and try to be in relationships with people who are very talented .These talentless fockers somehow derive a self esteem just by the fact that they are sleeping with a talented person.

Just because the talented person is stupid enough to sleep with you doesn't make you talented by association.You just continue to be the same ole stupid talentless fuck who just happens to be sleeping with a talented person.

Here i mean > the really stupid women who want to be wives of scientists so that they can have smart kids.JEEEZ
Dude! What if the kid gets your dumb genes? And yeah , also, children get smart because of their upbringing. You being the stupid f*ck of a mom, what kind of guidance do you plan to give a kid to make them smart? nada!
YET, you want smart kids.How and why?

Speaking of  "Ill-fitting matches between contrasts"
 Let us also talk about "ugly as hell" men who want pretty wives, as their trophy wives.
 Dude!Essentially you really don't care about the sexual satisifaction of your wife , huh? The pretty wife must just do with an ugly f*ck like you coz you provide her spending money? What is this? BRIDE BUYING?

So, you want a trophy wife so you can SHOW the onlookers as part of a POWER DISPLAY, as to how  a pretty lil thing married you..
Marrying a pretty thing does NOT make you any more pretty looking , you just remain the same. yeah? So, cut the greediness and bury it.
Marriages cannot and should not be business deals..Sex should be just for love and not money and sex between equals is AMAZING!

Anyways, coming back to the  pysche behind "PASSIVE AGRESSIVE peeps" > these people derive self esteem from the fact that they were able to MANIPULATE a talented/pretty/good person  to love them .

How horribly malicious are their methods of entrapping a person ?.
However,what these malicious people forget is, you can entrap a person by pretending to be this and that, but then, how long are you going to pretend? a lifetime?

They are creating a suffocating environment for themselves by signing up for a life time of pretence inorder to ensure that  talented person continues to  be interested in them,because they started off the whole relationship with a lot of pretending. Very complicated!
Also, the malicious plan never REALLYworks!The whole time ,they know they are pretending.Somewhere they are aware that  if they didn't pretend, there is a great possibility that they talented person  won't really love the REAL THEM
What essentially happens is that though the talented person might offer them real plain "love of gold", The pretender, due to the self-awareness about how fake they are, are now NOT IN A POSITION TO ACCEPT THAT LOVE coming their way without being skeptical.

Coming back to the malicious methods adapted by "lesser beings" to trap "greater beings" to be with them,
Let me give you an example.They closely observe their targets to find out what MOVES them.
I mean, If they know that this person gets emotional about a certain issue, they use this knowledge as a tool to pretend they are really into the same issues,all just an effort to make sure this "target" person doesn't leave them.

This kind of MANIPULATION indicates the deep amount of disregard they have for anyone's rights. I mean, does the  person deserve such a TRAP?
 Is love all about passive aggressive games and emotional abuse?

If they sense that the other person is more likely to turn to them each time they get distressed, these monsters actually slyly create such distress to this TARGET person.
Constantly creating distress to a person knowing clearly that THEY ARE THE PERSON this target will run to during a time of distress, and then when the target runs to them, they COOLY pacify the target, just to earn some TRUST AND GOODWILL POINTS>> is what we call EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION.
This is what I call " first hit, then pacify" syndrome.

You know,IN THOSE ITALIAN MOVIES, men get some other people to create trouble for a woman first and then pretend to be just walking by and then pretend to help the woman in distress ..when actually the whole thing was a big set up.
Just like in those italian movies, where the male lead's friends try to molest her and then the male lead comes over and bashes them up and then takes home the woman. As if the woman is some stupid thing which only deserves to be manipulated and whisked away. and such.
There are women too that do this kind of manipulation  and then they pretend like they are the saint women that tolerate the infedilities of their partner and how inspite of all the pain, they still have the back of the man and such.

Playing the victim is yet another ploy that people without ethics employ to submit their partner into guilt and not allowing them to walk away from the relationship.. hmmm.What games people play.

I pity the people who are in relationships with manipulative malicious fockers and can't get out coz they are too afraid about what other people will think coz they have seen you together quite too often.
I have once been there, and I am glad i am not anymore. but the anger stays.

The anger returns when I see other people like me who are with completely malicious fockers. Get out of there already!
 No one has got your back.
Your "loved"one is the perpetrator of all the malice themselves.
They  isolate you to such an extent  that you cling on to them more and  they drag you into their focking mess to such an extent  that you forget that they are the messed up one.
Dear TARGET PERSON, No one has got your back. No one ever will.
No one needs to have your back either.
We all come into this world alone, We will all leave this world alone.
We don't need no "back holders"...You have a great independant back and can you get out of it already? It distresses me to be this mute spectator.

Disassociation as an ego defence

You know , when people are in situations where the source of pain is someone that is family or is related to them and when there is no way they can get rid of this constant source of pain, they have a very unique way to deal with it.
Such people develop a diassociated personality.
A stoic personality if you will.
They develop a shell around that pain and bury it deep in their head.
Such people can surprisingly perform very well at work and life in general coz nothing affects them. They continue to work hard no matter what.
Such an ego defence works great in terms of productivity, as in , a person can become an overachiever inspite of all the mess in their personal life. But having said that, they are walking on a fine line.
If one days suddenly something makes that shell to break up, then suddenly they are wreck.coz waves of pain then surge and submerge them forever from that very painful place they decided to forget forever. Hmmmmm.
You know,like a gangsta happily going arouund killing people for years, without a thought and then suddenly, one day after years, suddenly some realization about that truth about their life and the people around them dawns on them.They are such a wreck.Ya know, the gangsta then end up crying day in day out like crazy?
Just like a great dam broke..Hmmmm
anyways,gotta go now.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ohkay, Yet another encounter with lesser mortals

Gosh, I have noticed that after i wrote theprevious blog entry, the anger reenactments in my head came down a notch.
So.blogging is an antidote indeed.
Meanwhile, A new cause for anger
I recently had to go to this land records office. I go there, yeah? then ,I discuss something and just as the concerned officer was helping me out, one really large black woman walks in and strats aggressively arguing with this officer.
With all the gesturing and screaming that she was doing,The officer just left me hanging there and immediately started looking at her problem. I stood there patiently and after ten minutes while they take out her records to look something, I wanted mine out too. This woman had another officer attending to her too,one whom she prolly knew personally or some such, coz he kept hovering about the area and then actually was trying to get her job done faster or some such.
This same officer then looked up my details as well and then instructed me to go to another office the next day to get some info corrected. I wasn't told why i couldnt go the same day except that the other place would be closed by the time i manage to drive there. So , well,I just continued standing there coz i was filling out some paperwork that i had to take along to that other office the next day. I kinda still had some queries regarding the things i have to fill out on the paperwork,so this other officer looks the info up and helps me fill it out .. I continued filling it out and for one final time had to ask another query. With all this filling up of paperwork and trying to get the officers give me all the required info, almost 25 minutes had already passed.

The prime reason i was needing to go to that other godforsaken office was coz the staff here in this office had made some mistake while entering my info in their system.My only reason to visit this office was to get the wrong info corrected on the system.

Instead of being apologetic for their own mistake that has caused me such trouble,they just didn't even offer me a seat and were instead attending to a person that reached the office later than I did.
I was needing to run around to set this thing right coz they made a mistake in the first place. And on top, though that other woman arrived there later than i did , they offerred her a chair and kept looking into what needs be done for her or some such. The thing is, she also wanted some kind of correction of info- that wasnt in actuality accurate.

Anyways, coming back to the story,By the time the 20 min elapses, two other men had arrived there.
This,I hadnt noticed, coz i stood at a nearby table busy filling out the paperwork while i could hear the lady screaming loudly at the officer .I had to presently walk back to the first officer's table to ask him the route to the new office, since i really didn't know that neighbourhood.

As it happens usually,Each time a pretty woman asks for help, every lil creep comes running all eager to be the first to offer some help, or pretend to help (with malicious intentions underneath).
So,these men that had arrived a lil later than the woman but were probably related to her in some way, suddenly got all eager to explain the route to me.Mind you,I never asked them anything at all.I was only asking the officers at the office;
For some reason,these ghetto men(their behavior was totally ghettoish-all loud and aggressive)were offering their help.

So,I was trying to be nice saying, "oh is that so?I see,thanks for the help" when they started gesturing as to how to drive down to that other office and started to give me landmark too.
But, of course,I had asked only the officers for the route. If these ghetto men chose to help , what could i do?So, anyways,after getting the route,I went back to filling up the rest of the paperwork.

I momentarily came back to ask if it was okay that i don't go to that other office physically myself and send a mail explaining the whole issue?
And for no reason, just like that, Suddenly this officer started barking at me in a very high tone.He says,"Oh my god! you have been butting in with your repeated questions for the past half hour.You keep asking the same questions over and over. Do you realize that it has been a whole half hour since you first arrived? Look at you, getting on my case for a whole half hour"
That is when i lost my temper too and told him in a high tone myself " It has been half hour because instead of dealing with me and finishing up with my case, U started paying attention to another lady who visibly arrived after me and for the past half hour you have been dealing with her case ,not mine.I have been reduced to hovering around your table asking my questions to you whenever i can squeeze them in.It is a pity that i have had to constantly butt in with questions.Had you taken the time to finish with my case and finish answering my questions, i would have gone by now"
Now,after listening to this, the fat black lady suddenly butts in and talks to the officer, " Oh , she is gonna keep saying the same thing over and over, just ignore her and do my job for me"

I got further enraged and I was like "what?" and
she suddenly starts barking at me , "
don't talk to me.oh yeah, you are now dragging me into this issue. The officer doesn't want to answer your questions anymore out of his own will and you start indirectly indicating about how he is doing my job instead of yours, Please don't drag me into this"
I was like " I have no intention of dragging you into this at all. Please don't try to pick up a fight with me"
she goes, "oh, are you not dragging me into this ? whoa, You just asked my brother for the route. what the hell are you doing trying to talk up to my brother"
I was like "whoa, I never asked him for the route at all. if he decides to help me, I can't say NO or do anything about it" and
she starts being very rude with me and now her other brother suddenly starts screaming at me at the top of his voice in a ghetto manner and is literally verbally ordering me to come out immediately and says that if anything has to be done, he will deal with it.
I must that this being screamed at by a perfect stranger was very disenchanting.
Now,suddenly this black woman is scared for instigating all this HIGH DRAMA and quickly gestures for her brother (who is by now screaming at me like a crazed lil dick) to stop
He tells her " sis,If she wants to know the route, I shall take her outside and discuss the route with her"
I was like, WTF.I was thinking in my head, "who the hell is he to take me out of the room, anyways? He doesn't even work here,WTF!This particular ghetto bastard needs to be kicked in his groin, STAT."

Meanwhile, both the officers are very angry with me coz they perceive me as the cause of the DRAMA .They ask me to leave quoting that since i have already wasted their time for so long with questions which they patiently answered, I must now go..WTF?
For which i politely but calmly and sternly tell them, " See, you are the officers in charge. If I have a query, i can only ask you. I cannot go and ask someone on the street."
Meanwhile this ghetto brother guy angrily stares at me as if he wants to hit me if he could(in his f*cking dreams!).
The officer suddenly now says, " see, I am just about to make to an important call to someone, If you have any more questions,quickly ask. or just let me call"
I was so pissed by then, I said, "okay, go ahead make your call, i shall wait"
Meanwhile the second officer figures that i might file a complaint against both of them for misdemeanour.So, quickly,This other officer is nervous,pacing around the office and finally grabs a chair and almost in an intimidating tone says to me, "Hey you, sit here"
I was like " whoa, listen to your tone" and
this retort of mine, took him by surprise.

You see,The problem with me is, I look like a teenager. I am 30yrs old but I physically look like I am 17 or some such. This younger appearnace is detrimental is such situations wherein people start ordering you around like they do to a kid coz you look like a kid. so yeah, this guy suddenly got surprised that i commented on his tone and
he said, " hey you ma,m sit down" and
i was like "oh, i don't need all that , let us skip the pleasantaries, I just need this question answered and i go "
See , by this time i was so riled up that I don't quite remember if that fat lady left with her thug like brother or not, but finally these officers answered all my queries, which of course i do have to admit i was asking for the third time.
This time around the officer says, "see M'm, you are so highly educated and such, come on, why do you keep asking me the same question over and over"
I told him" This is a govt office and you guys,the kind of statements you make in response to my queries, they are all vague, unclear and probably are supposed to be read between the lines/that is why I kept asking again just to confirm. ya know. Anways, by the time i walked out, i was kind of in a daze. seriously! and this officer was gesturing to the rest of the staff(which i caught from the corner of my eye as i walked out) that i was a crazy babbler
hmmmmm.seriously, I think i dealt with this messy situation that was thrown at me with dignity and calm, but then,one thing that i didn't quite like is that I allowed that ghetto brother to scream at me . I mean, he would have even prolly dragged me out had it not been an office. Seriously , these ghetto bastards have all kinds of stress due to their completely messed up drunk drugged out life and then they try to take it out on anyone that comes their way. what i highly am angry about is that i came along his way. Seriously, who wants to interact with a ghetto dick? come on !
Anyways, maybe the ghetto dick with get kicked by someone else by tomorrow, but they, maybe he will get even more bad and bitter after that? LOL
Karma cycle? not..

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