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Sunday, December 30, 2012

Cannot cause another person's dissing

I cannot be part of ANOTHER PERSON'S dissing process.I REFUSE to
participate.I cannot be the enticing carrot at the end of your DISSING
STICK...no really, I cannot project myself as the PRIZE waiting for
you, after you diss someone else, someone whom YOU PROBABLY NEVER
REALLY LOVED but then you kept fucking her whenever the mood struck,
no?
I cannot indirectly be the cause of SOMEONE else being dropped off.
Sure,she might be NOT what you really want.Then, what you must be
ready to do is BREAK UP with her WITHOUT ME being the pacification
prize waiting to take you into my arms...YOU AND HER ARE NOT WORKING?
then break up...i cannot be the WAITING PRIZE for all this mess..coz I
NEVER HAD A PART IN CREATING THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
you went ahead and created a mess for yourself ALL BY YOURSELF by
getting into a relationship with someone whom you barely knew even,
someone you probably fucked mindlessly for years and years, someone
whose engagement ring you wore for years just as a license to be ABLE
TO fuck her mindlessly whenever THE RABBIT FUCKING NEED arises in your
dick...I HAVE NOT BEEN A PART OF all those messy decisions you made,
SO i don't want to be part of being QUOTED AS THE CAUSE you broke up
with her..
YOU MUST BREAK UP WITH HER FOR THE SOLE REASON THAT YOU DON'T LOVE
HER,,not coz someone better like me came along(btw, I NEVER CAME
ALONG..you started people shopping while still fucking her)
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE TO GO DATE SOMEONE just coz they are
lonely in a new place and it helps to have a local guide who can
double as fuck buddy and triple as party companion..
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE TO wear someone's engagement ring just coz
she pressurized you to wear one after having taken one of your own
rings and wearing it on her finger and calling it an engagement.
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE TO BE SO PASSIVE in a relationship where
she makes you wear an engagement ring so that you can fuck her and you
actually go ahead and do it coz you need that ring to be able to FUCK
HER too...
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE with whom you don't even have a COMMON
LANGUAGE OF COMMUNCIATION..what and how do you talk to each other,
with no mode of communication?OH, THAT'S RIGHT, you never really
converse except the basics of how to play the bills and where to go to
party and where to go for holidays..no OTHER DEEP DISCUSSIONS NEEDED?
I CANNOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR LIFETIME OF CHEAP MUNDANE
DECISIONS TO CATER TO YOUR STUPID NEEDY PERSONALITY ...which is why I
DISCOURAGE AND YELLED AT YOU SO MUCH IN THOSE EMAILS BACK
THEN..(Though there was such a sexual connnection between us)..just so
that you can be pushed back enough to NOT LOOK AT ME as someone
waiting for you to take you in her arms after you break up with her or
diss her midway ...SURE SHE USES YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU USE HER..BUT
SEE,that arrangement LOOKED AN OKAY ARRANGEMENT to you..so maybe,
then,THAT IS WHAT YOU DESERVE.
you don't deserve me...never did, never will, EVEN IF i miss you and i
found that great sexual connection with you of all the men in the
world..
IF YOU HATE HER, YOU BREAK UP WITH HER ON YOUR OWN WATCH, with no
prize waiting for you at the end of all the break up

Thursday, December 27, 2012

EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-About becoming OUR fathers-October , 2010, -LETTERS TO MR.U

EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-About becoming OUR fathers-October , 2010, -LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

About becoming our fathers,

which btw..is a big fear of mine..that i am becoming more and more like my father each day..which i presume is a big fear of your's too

Not that our fathers are bad people

it is just that i feel like their talents were not appreciated enough ...they ended up marrying spouses that they never got along with to begin with

my biggest fear?

the fact that one day i will marry a man out of sheer fear of being alone

and then he will not satisfy me intellectually or emotionally or spiritually coz he is far too insecure and dumb and manipulative to be so

You dad married your mom and never got along with her

My dad did something similar

sad to watch dads do that

I fear that one day i will do the same mistakes of chosing the wrong person just like my dad

ON some days I am shite scared about everything.

same anxiety attacks like you do..same thought process same mistakes..same everything

which is why, though i swear to myself that i MUST NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY OR PERSONALLY..i end up doing it

Makes me feel like a fool..

to take you for a REAL person in my life...yes...i think you are real..but you see..unless we call each other each day and meet each other every weekend..you ARE NOT REALLY REAL..i feel like a fool that i still think of you as a real person in my life though we never meet up or talk up or whatever else, REAL FRIENDS do .

makes me sheepish ..seriously..why am i writing this ramble mail?

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

So,yeah,MR.U's parents got divorced not long ago

I personally APPROVE of this decision.

They were so INCOMPATIBLE to begin with.

you see, in those good ole days...people JUST RANDOMLY married..and just LIVED TOGETHER...whatever...even if the marriage is a FAILURE.

i am REALLY HAPPY that they got divorced...if people keep bickering , even when the kids are in their thirties, that says, how incompatible a relationship is or has been all the way...

just like I ALWAYS TWEET, >> DIVORCE is a GOOD THINg..NO REally, IT IS .

IT BRINGS PEACE

I don't blame one single person in a divorce..Both of his parents are VERY SMART PEOPLE in their own way.it is just that, they DON'T MATCH with each other..

MY MOM and dad. they are VERY VERY SMART PEOPLE...BUT again, just like his dad and mom, ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

my parents are not divorced,but on some days, I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.

THEY BICKER AND IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

ON SOMEDAYS,i feel, maybe, my own parents must divorce too, just like, mr.u's parents did.

I did broach this subject with my parents and they CLEARLY TOLD ME THAT THEY NEED EACH OTHER AND ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DIVORCE...well, I TRIED...whatever!LOL

DADS,vegas,19yrs olds,human trafficking-October 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-LETTERS TO MR.U

DADS,vegas,19yrs olds,human trafficking-October 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

how are you?

I celebrated my birthday in xxxxxxxx.Figured i must email you on that day just like i did in 2007..but ofcourse, too many things have transpired since 2007...our paths digress further and further ,so I DIDN'T.

what is with you going and fornicating with xxxxxx in vegas and participating in the horror of what is called COMMODIFICATION OF HUMAN BODIES ESPECiALLY the BODIES OF WOMEN??

paying to fornicate is like implying that someone's body is for rent

and THE NOTION " that coz you have money and COZ they need money" somehow makes it okay FOR you to use their body for a bit??

WHICH IS WHY,the fact that you went and did some orgy stuff in vegas, I am totally pissed off

it is not about MORALITY. It is about the fact that you forget the horror of human trafficking just coz you need to get off. hnmmmmm..sigh

More than that,,what is with this getting obsessed over 19 year olds? huh? hmmm

I COMPLETELY DISAPPROVE..Don't become your father(sorry , just had to say IT this way)

Generation gap does exist...coz age and a decade teaches you things and changes you as a person..so yeah.. 19 and 30 don't go well,,

just like my 31 and his 41 never will work EITHER...but hey..whatever.

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

As you can note, if you are reading all the blog entries under the 'MR.U" SERIES, the last email I wrote to him was in october 2008 and then for two years, i DIDN'T TALK TO HIM...Then in october 2010,I felt COMPELLED to write one angry, disapproving letter because HE WAS GETTING SO OUT OF CONTROL.

At thAT point, he had just finished sleeping with prostitutes in vegas and also dating this VERY YOUNG GIRL...

you know what his response to my disapproval about dating this very young girl was? HE SAYS " relax she is of age"

dude, the point here is not if she is LEGAL TO fuck or not, the point is THE EMOTIONAL RAMINFICATIONS OF A VERY INFLUENTIAL VERY OLDER MAN SLEEPING with a very IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG GIRL who is just still growing up emotionally yet..

She might be 19, she might be of age,she is NOT JAIL BAIT..yet..given that you were 33 , no matter how impressed you were with this little girl, you should have still NEVER ATTEMPTED TO sexualize the whole interaction.

I KNOW HOW UPSETTING in general and more so emotionally upsetting it is for a YOUNG GIRL to recieve SEXUAL ATTENTION from much older men who are supposed TO MENTOR HER rather than immediately somehow benefit SEXUALLY from her adulation for them.

Sadly, in AMERICA, OLDER MEN, somehow just can't KEEP thier hands off YOUNGER WOMEN, whom they LIKE VERY MUCH...

There needs to be some boundary..where young women CAN FEEL SAFE AND protected in the company of OLDER MEN, who are in a position of experience and power..Such older people MUST ONLY MENTOR younger people whom they find impressive.

i always USED to think mr.U , WAS EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND AWARE enough to BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUNG WOMEN as children who need to be mentored and NOT ATTEMPT TO take THEM to bed coz they are so enamored by him.

I WAS WRONG....FOR THE FIRST TIME in my acquaitance with him, I REALIZED THAT JUST LIKE SO MANY OTHER AMERICAN MEN, MR.U has started thinking WITH HIS DICK TOO..

If you go and read my VERY LOOOOOOOOONG BLOG entry about MR.U,,explaining the WHOLE 9 YEARS Of my interaction with him, I explain this one TURNING POINT, where i knew THAT , IT IS OVER..

this is that point...This thing he did to that YOUNG girl.

I THOUGHT HE HAD BETTER SENSE THAN SLEEPING WITH SUCH A YOUNG GIRL..but ofcourse, he didn't.As the older person in any interaction, it is the job of the older person , to CONTROL sexual urges and do what is EMOTIONALLY JUST...

Now, when that young girl, often looks back at that time, she feels like , he messed up with her AND I AGREE WITH HER...and now, MR.U, gets angry at her , for vocalizing her feelings and at me coz i take her side.

Dude, what the fuck..you were a fucking 33 years old and you had NO GRIP over your dick...you went and fucked an impressionable young 19 year old...and

you didn't back then and even till today,THINK, that it was an act of ABUSE OF POWER,

SHAME ON YOU.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MENTOR her and protect her and teach her things..Instead,you were like, "hey, now that you are so enamored by me and because i am fucked up in my head, why don't i take you to bed" geezus..what the hell.

Anyways,this incident caused me to break my TWO year silence with him and I actually EMAILED HIM...I just had to give him my two cents..

do you know why it is called INCEST when parents try to sexualize their relationships with their children?because, being a parent is a position of trust and when a child is MADE TO GIVE RETURNS in the form of sexual satisfaction, THE RELATIONSHIP becomes very CONDITIONAL..

parenting is supposed to be an UNCONDITIONAL ENDEAVOR OF GIVING...parents are not supposed to EXPECT anything in return for NURTURING a child, that THEY CREATED..

A similar DYNAMIC needs to exist between older folks and the younger generation.THE OLDER PERSON is LIKE A PARENT..no matter, how much the child is enamored by you, YOU MUST NOT ABUSE THAT POSITION OF TRUST.

sexual interaction RUINS that UNCONDITIONAL NURTURING CONCEPT..forever .

children don't know any better..IT IS YOUR JOB AS THE ADULT IN THE RELATIONSHIP to set boundaries and teach them the concept of dependability.

Bday wishes,mistakes,relationship advice,kindness,vicarious pain,emotional baggage--October 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

Bday wishes,mistakes,relationship advice,kindness,vicarious pain,emotional baggage--October 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

HBDty

btw.come on...You are doing the exact same mistakes in the exact same manner i once did ..The problem is, the pain that i underwent back then.the pain that i thought is over now...I seem to be vicariously experiencing it all over again, now by watching you do them.the same things that i once did ..IN the exact same sequence...so much so that i can almost predict the next thing that you would do..seriously .

So, please do me a favor and don't waste the next six years of your life like i once did just out of fear of being alone...being alone is better than what you are doing exactly right about now.

Seriously.sometimes it is better to get out there and roll with the punches alone rather than do what you are doing right now.hmmmm.you are asking for a kind of misery that will eventually build up a lot of emotional baggage and the emotional baggage never goes away.

Trust me.I have been through it and i had done the exact same things back then , just like what you are doing right now,I ended up being 27 and seriously questioning the last six years.

I am 30 now and the baggage never goes away.gosh.

You are going to end up 37 and with a lot of emotional baggage and i don't want that for you.I am glad that what i did, I did at the age of 21 and so now < I am 30 and i still have a life ahead of me.. and now when i look back at it,I just could not believe that i stayed with someone who obviously was really so bad for me,highly incompatible. and I think that i probably mistook my own kindness and generosity for this other person as an attachment.. gosh..

the sad part is..the recepient of the kindness , kindness from people like you and I , eventually constantly congratulate themselves saying they have managed to fool you and manipulate you and succeeded in making you like them...and that makes the whole act of generosity and kindness very very futile and undeserved and then at the end of six years you end up really understanding what happenned way back then.

.gosh..I have no idea how to explain it better... I am just rambling away to glory..but i just had to do it... I kinda feel very morally responsible for you in some way...I don't know why.

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!!

It is cute, how I WISH him for his birthday and CURTLY and swiftly move to another topic and start giving him relationship advice.For most part, actually HE LISTENS to my advice, which is why, I TRY NOT TO MANIPULATE HIM EVER..I give neutral advice...as a friend who wants him to do well.

I DON'T EVER shy from writing LOOOOOOGa emails ,do I? cutely, he is the same way WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING EMAILS TO PEOPLE

in his own words,HIS EMAILS ARE looooooooooog and full of rambling rants JUST LIKE ME..we are so fucking similar...awwwwww...

i want everybody to re-read this part in the excerpt about EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE that I write about.The main reason why i am SHARING my personal letters is for everyone to LEARN SOMETHING out of the content of those emails..yeah?

PLUS, mr.u, CAN COME to the blog whenever he pleases and re-read our old emails....I MEAN, he apparently likes the BLOG FORMAT more than the EMAIL FORMAT..lol...geee!

About running away from him,feeling lonely,perfect moments,conservation-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About running away from him,feeling lonely,perfect moments,conservation-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

*******************

DONT CHANGE...you have changed very drastically in the year or two... if you change any bit more....i am not sure ..i will not be able to relate to you in the way i used to .. i have no focking idea..may be i still will..but in a different way...may i will just run away and never think of you ever...may be not..anyways..coming back to the point

Don't be lost

... dont' be affected by others.. sometimes ...when you are not introspecting...the people around you take over..you cannot let that happen.

.you were born different...you need to conserve that .... not many people around us are like you and me...we are destined to feel really alone for most part.. one cannot help it..k>?

I just wish i could really speak to you in person RIGHT NOW..but off late..i have come to dread that meeting..when i will meet you and somehow you will not be the person i imagined you to be...you would perhaps disappoint me... where else then will i look for solace?..

I often in my momens of frustation and loneliness ..kinda think of you as one other person who is like me...who perhaps has to deal with the price one pays for trying to do what one exactly believes one must do ....and if i meet you in person one day and then speak to you and find you not that good enough afteraall...won't i feel even more lonely?

At 29... i feel like i have wasted so much of my own resource waiting for perfect mooments to let things known....i feel lonely..and i am going to feel even more lonely ..if you ...if you XXXXXX CHANGE TOO..K?

********************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

When I READ the email over and over I REALIZED that i had quite a COMFORT LEVEL WITH HIM back then in 2008...That comfort level has almost vanished by 2012...I think a thousand times before even emailing him nowadays..a big sign of a DRIFT.

..I prolly last emailed him 2 years ago(I was almost on the verge of writing him an email this week as I read all my old emails to him, but I truly and honestly mustn't engage with him anymore..Isn't 9 years of wasting time not enough already?

Just like I mention in that 2008 email , the time has truly come for me to just run away and never think of him ever..sigh.....hmmmmmmmm..Actually I think I did send him some message on tumblr in july and since then I have been thinking about him and me and how stupid I have been and How he truly IS NOT THE ONE FOR ME....and such..This blogging spree about Mr.U is also an exercise to try and purge him out of my system before I attempt to NEVER contact him again...Maybe ten years down the line....we would be TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE....sad but true

BTW. speaking of RUNNING AWAY AND HIDING FROM PEOPLE, i wrote a very similar letter about RUNNING AWAY TO mr.green as well,,VERY recently...hmmmm...

once i develop a DRift FROM people, I DESPERATELY feel the NEED to run away and hide from them forever.anyways,MOVING ON.

About STAYING in INCOMPATIBLE relationships for fear of public gossip-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About STAYING in INCOMPATIBLE relationships for fear of public gossip-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

I have undergone immense distress due to this constant scrutiny and constant gossip that sometimes i have thought twice before breaking up relationships which i already knew were not working out for me .

Infact, i had once dated this guy in full view of the gossip club and this guy really turned out to be not my type at all.

Infact , he perhaps was just another one of those ordinary gossipers who was smart enough to just use silence as a way to mask that talentless ordinariness of his, just coz he wanted to be the guy who got to date me ...ya know..the trophy girlfriend factor.

And since i went out in full public view to start dating someone,i was under immense pressure to even back out, i continued on with this relationship long after i realized that he was not good enough for me , just coz i was not ready to deal with a public break up which would then further somehow encourage other men trying to come over to me asking me out now that they know that i dated this seemingly ordinary guy.

I didnt want to deal with the further onslaught of intense gossip sessions of people discussing how i broke up with this guy and what not.

I went on and on with this incompatible relationship for years coz i didnt want to stand there alone and face the music ..five years..the whole of med school...I could have just broken up with this guy after the second date(by then i knew that this silent guy was silent for a reason -he just didnt want to out to me that he was no special and infact had the most ugliest of skeletons in his insecure cupboard)...hmmmmmm.

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!

funnily and sadly, I AM OUT of this med school relationship that i talk about in this email to MR.U. AND it has been years now,

but now, I see mr.u doing the "staying in relationships" though he clearly knows by the third date, that she is not right for him, coz he is SO SCARED OF the reaction of the onlookers...i have no idea how to advice him anymore, coz, HE REPEATS THIS PATTERN....what can I do, but to just watch or even better, just STOP watching even...I HAVE TO LET HIM go through the motions all by himself and in the process if he ends up drinking more and becoming a pale lifeless version of himself, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING..coz see, after nine years, I AM DONE WITH HIM...:((((

I HAVE TO LET Him FACE THE WORLD alone , on his own...The mama bird is gonna kick the baby bird out of the cozy nest..he is on his own emotionally from now on..

About nasty people and gossip mongers,being incapable of revenge--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About nasty people and gossip mongers,being incapable of revenge--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

Please don't even bother to react to things floating around in the internet or anywhere else.These people gossip coz they have nothing important to do in their lives.

The gossip mongers are broken people

..what is broken can't be put back together..it is like broken glass.

I advice you like this.but yet still, each time i meet another nasty person, i react the same way you do .I get immensely angry and more so when i am inherently incapable of returning their nastiness with nastiness..It just doesn't happen with me.Sometimes i get angry at myself at how i am incapable of revenge.Sometimes i wish i had the capcity to be as nasty as the next person..Yet, i end up going and being nice to everyone..

Sweetie, i get you .It makes me feel less alone when i see you .Atleast i know there is one other person like me.

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

Again,maybe this INABILITY to seek revenge is a WISE thing too...THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF REVENGE IS POINTLESS on some level , but again, it probably has a point on some level.

off late, I TRY REALLY hard to GIVE BACK IN GOOD MEASURE..coz, unless you give back, most nasty folks don't even realize that what they did to you was super-cheap and super-nasty.MOST PEOPLE seem to assess the gravity of their actions based on your reactions to their actions.IF YOU SIT THERE AND FORGIVE THEM, they start assuming that what they did to you was OKAY TO DO...

So,yeah, on some level, LETTING THAT OTHER PERSON KNOW is a great idea.;

About how a PASSIVE , AGREEABLE partner is not good for personal growth in a relationship-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About how a PASSIVE , AGREEABLE partner is not good for personal growth in a relationship-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

=============================

EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

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Now, in retrospect, I understand how a passive person who chooses to be agreeable can never do any good to a highly original intelligent person .A relationship with a person who is ready to be passive and agreeable does good to nobody in terms of personal growth.Infact it takes away from the growth and personal producitivity that i could have had had i just been alone (however lonely i would have felt) rather than a person who is agreeable but has no real spark to offer.

I tell you this..coz,,,i just see sometimes that you are very distressed by all this unnecessary public intrusion into your life and it has caused you to change a lil bit over the past couple of years.But trust me, only do what you really want to do.If you find over time that someone you are with(friends or otherwise) is not your type , please dont be afraid to take action and break up with them.

*************************

END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!

I wrote this letter to him in july 2008, and he did break up with whomever he was with back then.IT WAS such a pain for me to watch him go through it all..IT HURT ME VICARIOUSLY.

Also, since then, more mistakes, and I AM JUST TIRED OF WATCHING THIS CIRCUS really....it affects me to see him MESS UP OVER AND OVER...so ADIOS MY FRIEND,,hugs, will always love you on some level but, ENOUGH ALREADY!

 

About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

START OF EXCERPT

**************************

So, yeah.I know it is distressing when you are constantly under the public eye all the time.

This constant scrutiny can alter one's real style and personality. This kind of curiosity guided harrassement happens at all levels.

I know this, coz ,all mylife, no matter where i have gone, I have always stood out and have,just by my thoughts and actions, always inadvertantly seperated myself from the crowd ,though not deliberately .

I have always been the target of gossip and constant scrutiny due to me being different from them.This had always baffled me for the longest time.I used to wonder why they notice me and remember me even if it was only once that i must have talked to them.

So yeah, when i first started med school,I stayed at the dorm , k,.(my first time when i would have had to live with fellow students).Earlier to that, it had always been that, i could use the home time as my healing time where i could spend private time away from the public eye, rejuvenating.

So, the first year at the dorm, i had a very difficult time dealing with people who would just be after my case for no reason ,except that I am the smart one who is good at what I do and they are for some reason angry that I dont give up or I dont resort to being nasty like them.

For the first year, i was baffled at why people are nasty to me even if i had not done anything to them.In the long run i have learned that it is lonely at the top and people are nasty not in reciprocation to anything i did to them(infact even my niceness used to make them more angry and more nasty-which shocked me ) but due to the fact that they are so insecure and jealous and just out of uncontrollabe jealousy they would be nasty to such unfathomable extents that it can hurt you and your personality.

I have faced it all my life, though not at humungous levels like you are right now, but then, the gist of the harrasment is the same , only the scale escalates as your arena expands.

Each and every place i go ,i have learned that i have to deal with the fact that i will always be the outsider amidst all the untalented people who want to get it all with minimum talent.

people are greedy and mediocre like that.

I get angry each time i see talentless people who are nasty to boot.I can feel ya.

I can empathize each time they target you and try to label you coz i have faced it too, ofcourse on a lesser scale than what you are facing right now.It has changed me as a person wherein i have sometimes not done things for fear of the reaction..it has changed me as a person , made me a little more paranoid too.

I can see how all this xxx attention must make you want to think twice before doing things or saying things because they rip everything you say into things that they were not meant to be.I have faced that.Trust me..it happens at all levels..happens all the time.

the world is filled with a majority of greedy talenteless people who don't get originality.

they get angry at it and try to attack things and people that make them feel small or inadequate just by their sheer talent and originality.

Your coping mechanism and the things you say remind me of how i reacted when i first went to medical school and I just didnt know how to react to the unexplained hostility from people who i barely knew yet was nice to.

I went into distress mode coz i didnt understand why they hated me.

Afterall i was actually being nice , was trying to work hard and was a good student .it is almost like they wanted to make me feel sorry that i was good looking and smart at the same time.They just needed me to lose out on something so that they could rejoice and feel a little pacified

Now after a decade, Now i know that nasty people should never be talked to , they dont even deserve a reaction .They need to just be ignored and they must be let to squalour in their insecurities.The nasty shit will never change coz they are what they are ..nasty shit.

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END OF EXCERPT

MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

THIS email is by far one of my very very "concerned" emails that i sent to him..coz, i have literally seen the transformation from what he was in 2003 to what he became by 2008...

so, yeah,I could see a lot of myself in him in 2003 and could see a lot of myself each time i see him struggling with the common,petty thought process of others around him and ofcourse i had to sympathize and tell him NOT TO CHANGE ..pccccch..i feel sad for the kid on some days...even today...

Even till today, he will vocalize and repeat that advice aloud when asked about other people's reactions to him..I am like, "good job on memorizing what i tried to drill into you in 2008.this advice is my gift to you for life"

Sunday, December 23, 2012

equal male and female strippers

UNLESS each stripclub has an EQUAL number of MALE and FEMALE
strippers, it should be deemed GENDER abusive and closed
down..........................................
Infact, the whole concept of strip clubs is emotionally abusive to the strip teaser.
The concept of ONE PERSON stripping in front of another person who just sits there fully clothed, just coz the viewer is the payer and the strip teaser is the poverty stricken person in need of money, MAKE THIS WHOLE ACT, sexually SKEWED AND ABUSIVE....
weird version of sexuality...and  is more about control and exercise of power using money power..
THUS, even if there were equal number of male and female strip clubs..THE WHOLE CONCEPT STILL IS EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY ABUSIVE and thus has to BE DONE AWAY WITH..close down all strip clubs..for the sake of human rights.
Tags:strip_club,vegas_strip,gender_equality,striptease

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

faulty retrospective memory recall

I just realized how important it is to record your CURRENT FEELINGS
while you have them, on a blog or journal, because , when you let that
moment go and try to RECALL WHAT YOU ACTUALLY FELT BACK THEN,,memory
recall is SO INACCURATE and faulty, you end up making mistakes in
piecing it together
I am just readin this lady's blog where she blogged there and then as
each incident happened ...and suddenly I was, " good she recorded it
like this rather than do a RETROSPECTIVE, THIS IS HOW IT POSSIBLY
HAPPENED BACK THEN"
TAGS:memory_recall
I didn't blog for a year because I DIDN'T WANT THIS MAN to know
anything about me or my life..I WANTED TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND....sadly,
all those memories of these three years have vanished AND i have all
faulty recalls now

No common language of communication in the marriage?

I mean, you both don't even have a COMMON COMFORTABLE LANGUAGE OF
COMMUNICATION..
That says a lot about what you think of a relationship.
Apparently there is no need to even share ideas in your marriage?
Just share a bed,, giggle and fuck and eat together and that is it?
what a drab situation indeed
tags:language,meaningless,marriage

Saturday, December 8, 2012

RIGHTFUL BEGGAR?

Women in so many cultures are taught to RIGHTFULLY beg their husbands
or boyfriends for gifts or spending money.
Culturally teaching them that an adult asking
another adult for spending money is OKAY! (which
it is not).
Children asking parents for spending money is okay,but expecting money in
exchange for companionship or sex is like BEING A GLORIFIED PET .
IT IS NOT OKAY and there is no pride in that at all.
TAGS:sociology,women,beggar,financial_independance,self_respect

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pimping Billie Holiday?

When Billie holiday arrived in harlem, no one even tried to find out if the girl has any talents..
They just figured that she is a girl of 13 with vagina and put her into prostitution for "5$ a time".
That is what MODERN DAY PORN does too.
DOESN'T ALLOW WOMEN to be human beings,women with personalities,talents,likes and
dislikes...
To vegas and other porn/prostitution rings, women are just commodities to be leched at or rented out...
Tags:human_traficking,women,body,porn,abuse
HUMAN BODIES SHOULD NEVER BE AVAILABLE FOR RENT OR PURCHASE ESPECIALLY
FOR SEX...because sex is a beautiful expression of love where NO MONEY
should play a role.
Speaking of which, women should stop offering their wombs for rent aka
housewivery?(sorry, just had to say it)

Letting out sexual energies in the wrong channels

I was watching this old japanese TV SERIES called OSHIN and there are these "1983 scenes" AMIDST the 1901 scenes, which honestly? could be done away with.
It is a pain to watch this YOUNG ACTRESS playing this GRANDMOTHER to this male actor who prolly in real life is her own age but is now playing her grandson .The 1983 scenes also show japanese society as the current society which is APING AMERICAN LIFESTYLE...(again, another pain to watch)

What an interruption in the scenic beauty of  the childhood story of oshin from 1901..LOL

So yeah, the grandson and grandmother have this strange equation,
I think that  the ACTORS managed to enact this equation  in a rather CREEPY MANNER..

Given the factor that possibly both the actress and actor are of the same age,yet the female actor is playing the male actor's grandmother and there is this STRANGE SEXUAL TENSION THAT I COULD PERCEIVE the whole way through their scenes together.
Either that or given that JAPAN IS SUCH A SEXUALLY REPRESSED SOCIETY ,it has become a social trend to have alternate ways of letting out the sexual tension by having creepy inappropriate sexual equations with females in the family who you have more access to communicate on a regular basis .

To add to the creepiness in one of the scenes, the grandson gets into a hot bath with his grandmother and scrubs her back...and geezus...
why, oh, why?
That is when it occurred to me that
This oftentimes occurs in societies where there are strict rules prohibiting free NORMAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS with females ...AND THUS all that normal pent up sexual  energy seeks escape in interactions that are considered acceptable.Such repressed societies often times don't raise an eyebrow if you are talking to a female who is related by blood or marriage to other male members of your family.
Truly, In japan which has a history of  men having wives to procreate and Geishas on the side to amuse their other needs, such a creepy occurrence of a sexual frustrated grandma asking grandsons to rub their back or grandsons offering to rub backs of grandmas ...
....hmmmm..whatever
Either ways, soaking in a bath tub is FILTHY...SOAKING IN A PUBLIC BATH is even more filthier.geezus .Japan and their public baths..Same goes for the public baths of the middle east..IN modern days..where ...anyways whatever.

Same thing with cultures where there is LOCKING UP of one gender in veils and garbs and often constantly  referring to them as some kind of sexual "object" ( as if men are not equally the sexual objects to women..no?) , the men end up in HAMAMS having nice lil baths with fellow men.
Since interaction with fellow men is NOT VIEWED AS IMMORAL or not viewed  with suspicion,oftentimes all that pent up sexual energy that comes  from not being allowed to NORMALLY INTERACT with females,ends up getting translated to physical sexual interaction with fellow males and
behind closed doors...true...so yeah..
(I am NOT in any way IMPLYING that all male homosexual behavior stems from pent up sexual tension that has no outlet in repressed societies..Homosexuality is a complex subject with varied reasons ...so, well)
Tags:sex,sexual_health,repression,perversion,inappropriate,creepy

Monday, November 26, 2012

The extremely agreeable woman with no personal personality

These women are extermely agreeable, and take upon the personality of the male sexual partner they are with...and they have NO REAL AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY OF THEIR OWN.
The moment they divorce the old husband or BF and get with a new boy, they funnily take upon the personality and opinions of the new boyfriend...
NO personality of their own there...This might make them seem very agreeable and EASY for LOSER MEN to want to be with.Ya know, the kind of men who feel threatened by anything that is NOT easy and NOT usable(...but then..even easy gets boring after sometime..... )
The reason why these women are so agreeable is because all through their childhoods they have been brought up by parents who directly and indirectly make it known to them that THEY DON'T MATTER, THEIR ORIGINAL OPINIONS DON'T MATTER, THEM HAVING AN OPINION IS A HINDRANCE,
These girls are often taught via subliminal messages that Their main role in life as female children is to be a 'PRINCESS" (WTF?) and they just need to keep sucking up to the dad by being the  "daddy's girl"
These women grow up into idiot adolescents with no personal life goals other than "making some lucky man very happy someday" and do they? NO
They end up emotionally confused and extremely disconnected to their surrounding which sometimes can come across as being pleasant and agreeable
Tags:psychology,psychiatry,women,girl_children,Gender_abuse,gender_discrimination,anger

Intensity of damage

I think that Monsters are REALLY UNAWARE OF THE INTENSITY OF DAMAGE
then incur on other people by their selfish,petty actions.
They are just so caught up in their own needs,their petty selfish needs driven by greed and a warped up state of mind that they FAIL TO IDENTIFY THE DAMAGE they are inflicting on their victim
Tags:Psychology,psychiatry,abuse,abusers,oblivious

How NOT TO PANIC..TIDE OVER THAT HALF HOUR OF SEVERE PANIC ATTACK SOMEHOW

This is as much a SELF HELP blog for myself as it is for others like Mr.U and many of you readers who have PANIC ATTACKS..All of us have and will panic at one point of time or another..

Some of us might do it MORE OFTEN than others.

In my INFORMED OPINION(me being a physician and all),Panic attacks are DEFINITELY NOT A MENTAL DISORDER.
Though , when I studied in MED SCHOOL I noted  they do describe it as an ALTERATION FROM A NORMAL  Behavioral RESPONSE TO A SITUATION..

What is "NORMAL" anyways, I ask!

Psychiatry idealistically expects all HUMANS TO BE CLONES...
We are all not clones and therefore we must all be allowed our behavioural quirks,if you may!

So yeah, I wrote an article way back in December 2010.
An article about my new year resolutions back then.
After writing it in a frenzy, I didn't PUBLISH it on the blog.I just published it a few hours ago after suddenly accidentally spotting it in one of my draft files..

If you want to read the WHOLE NY RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011 article(which btw is VERY VERY LONG)look in my RAMBLE BLOG archives to spot it..

When I re-read it last night, I realized that some of the paragraphs in that blog entry could easily qualify as a separate blog entry on this ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG.
HENCE, A partial REPOST is warranted for my psychology/psychiatry article enthusiasts here on this blog
Here goes the repost bit
I have this tendency to make impulsive decisions during that half hour of panic attack and then after that panic attack tides, I still have to abide by those impulsive decisions I made  during the panic attack and /or , track back on those ideas  which is a big big big waste of time.
One impulsive thing I often times do during panic attacks is EMAIL old bfs or try calling family...Trust me, in a panic attack, NOTHING HELPS except yourself consciously TIDING IT OVER CALMLY.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

The true personality comes out when....

I think any person's TRUE ACCURATE personality comes out when you
notice how they behave when they feel threatened by someone or
something or a situation.It is so easy to be all GENTLE-PERSON, and
then the fangs start to come out when they perceive a threat!
Grace under pressure is a rare commodity ,no?
Tags:Mr.Green,Mc_nasty,Throwing_someone_under_the_bus,Abandoning,selfish,psychology

Birds of the .............

Friday, October 19, 2012

Lance Armstrong-SPOOF quote

Spoof quotes are so MISLEADING..
For one, unless you look closely at tags you might mistake it to be a REAL QUOTE.
This is an interesting SPOOF QUOTE written by TMN Contributing Writer Llewellyn Hinkes-Jones
as part of his SPOOF ARTICLE where he PRETENDS TO BE LANCE ARMSTRONG
You can find the original SATIRE piece here, http://www.themorningnews.org/article/marketstrong
( Disclaimer:I DO NOT endorse his writing in any given way.I am just linking to the original source"

START OF SPOOF QUOTE
" Embracing this ethos of pure holistic denial leads one to the path of transcendental disembodiment, allowing your spirit to abandon any sense of shame and separate itself from the torpid existence of the physical plane."
END OF SPOOF QUOTE

It is only when I reached the end of the article , when words like "erotic dawn" and "populist success" started appearing in the essay that I suddenly told myself "Hey ! lance doesn't have such an exhaustively floral english vocabulary at all...He speaks like a texan...come on! Is this a spoof?"
OFCOURSE IT WAS..
Anyways, the reason I am quoting this article is because of the DEPTH OF SENTENCE..where the writer implies how when the spirit abandons any sense of shame, it can function in a state of holistic denial and hyprocrisy!SO TRUE

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

My October 2012 updated blog description for "An Antidote to Anger" Blog

I just updated my blog description(which you can read at the top of my blog page superimposed on my blog title picture).Figured that I must add the blog description onto a blog entry for the sake of keeping record .Here goes
"Anger is such a negative emotion...Yet,Anger is a good sign.It tells you that you are not emotionally dead !


What makes me angry? Read along !



Psychiatry,Psychology,Relationships,Family,Psyche,Sociology,Anger,Thoughts,Hypotheses,Subconscious Thought process,Theories,Saying it like it is!"

Btw,, All the blog readers who access my blog entries from a MOBILE PHONE,,please tell me/email me  if the blog appears the same on your mobile as on your laptop.Just needing feedback , so that I can tweak the mobile version if necessary.

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