Please hover over the topic of your choice, then click to go to that topic on this blog

ADD afghanisthan American_history amsterdam amsterdam_red_light_district An_antidote_to_anger Anaclitic_depression anger anger_chain anger_management Antidote_to_anger ARCHIVE art art_gallery Barbie basic_instincts Beach_etiquette behavious_analysis Birth_control blog blog_description botox Bullshite celebrity_craze chemical_breakfast Child_abuse children circle_of_love creepy_men dad denial diarrhoea dirty_politics disassociation DNA doc dogs drama dysfunctional_relationships ego_and_anger ego_defence evolution family fear_management feed_burners Gender_appropriate_toys gender_bias Gossip Gossip_magazine greedy_lying_salesmen grocery_store_jackass habits happy_blog hardwork harrassment home how_to_repair_ripped_apart_paperback Humor_and_anger idleness ignorant_bliss Ignoring_anger Imitation immature_coping_mechanism incompatible_relationships Insecurity internet_stealing jason_mraz jealously jealousy Journalism kids lazy_ass_parents letcher life Linguistics Love majority manners media mediocres mental_health money_sharks mother motivation Munchausen's_syndrome_by_proxy my_comments nasty_talkers negativity nervous_calming olympics Panic_attack_management parenting patch pedophilia peggy pets pets_tricks Pity_and_anger plagiarism PMS post_slavery_ghetto_segregation_of_blacks Pre_menstrual_syndrome pregnancy procrastination prostitution psyche psychiatry psychology pyschology Racism relationships religion retrospection Russian_judiciary_system Russian_mafia Russian_sexual_harrassment_case Search query answers Seclusion_for_healing self_respect senseless_human_vanity sexual_abusers sexual_frustration Sexual_harrassment Sexual_harrassment_laws sketches_gallery sketching slaves_of_habit sociology stand_up_comedy stupid_people subscribers swimming_pool_behaviour thieves Thyroid_and_anger toilet_training_your_dog torrent trash Trash_journalism trophy_boyfriend trophy_girlfriend Twitter understanding_and_anger url validation venting victim Why do men leave you after having a baby ? Withdrawing yourself from distressing people and situations reduces anger development woman_doc women Women_atheletes women's issues writers youthfulness

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Cannot cause another person's dissing

I cannot be part of ANOTHER PERSON'S dissing process.I REFUSE to
participate.I cannot be the enticing carrot at the end of your DISSING really, I cannot project myself as the PRIZE waiting for
you, after you diss someone else, someone whom YOU PROBABLY NEVER
REALLY LOVED but then you kept fucking her whenever the mood struck,
I cannot indirectly be the cause of SOMEONE else being dropped off.
Sure,she might be NOT what you really want.Then, what you must be
ready to do is BREAK UP with her WITHOUT ME being the pacification
prize waiting to take you into my arms...YOU AND HER ARE NOT WORKING?
then break up...i cannot be the WAITING PRIZE for all this mess..coz I
you went ahead and created a mess for yourself ALL BY YOURSELF by
getting into a relationship with someone whom you barely knew even,
someone you probably fucked mindlessly for years and years, someone
whose engagement ring you wore for years just as a license to be ABLE
TO fuck her mindlessly whenever THE RABBIT FUCKING NEED arises in your
dick...I HAVE NOT BEEN A PART OF all those messy decisions you made,
SO i don't want to be part of being QUOTED AS THE CAUSE you broke up
with her..
HER,,not coz someone better like me came along(btw, I NEVER CAME started people shopping while still fucking her)
lonely in a new place and it helps to have a local guide who can
double as fuck buddy and triple as party companion..
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE TO wear someone's engagement ring just coz
she pressurized you to wear one after having taken one of your own
rings and wearing it on her finger and calling it an engagement.
she makes you wear an engagement ring so that you can fuck her and you
actually go ahead and do it coz you need that ring to be able to FUCK
HER too...
I WOULD NEVER ADVICE ANYONE with whom you don't even have a COMMON
LANGUAGE OF COMMUNCIATION..what and how do you talk to each other,
with no mode of communication?OH, THAT'S RIGHT, you never really
converse except the basics of how to play the bills and where to go to
party and where to go for OTHER DEEP DISCUSSIONS NEEDED?
THEN..(Though there was such a sexual connnection between us)..just so
that you can be pushed back enough to NOT LOOK AT ME as someone
waiting for you to take you in her arms after you break up with her or
SEE,that arrangement LOOKED AN OKAY ARRANGEMENT to maybe,
you don't deserve me...never did, never will, EVEN IF i miss you and i
found that great sexual connection with you of all the men in the
prize waiting for you at the end of all the break up

Thursday, December 27, 2012

EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-About becoming OUR fathers-October , 2010, -LETTERS TO MR.U

EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-About becoming OUR fathers-October , 2010, -LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





About becoming our fathers,

which a big fear of mine..that i am becoming more and more like my father each day..which i presume is a big fear of your's too

Not that our fathers are bad people

it is just that i feel like their talents were not appreciated enough ...they ended up marrying spouses that they never got along with to begin with

my biggest fear?

the fact that one day i will marry a man out of sheer fear of being alone

and then he will not satisfy me intellectually or emotionally or spiritually coz he is far too insecure and dumb and manipulative to be so

You dad married your mom and never got along with her

My dad did something similar

sad to watch dads do that

I fear that one day i will do the same mistakes of chosing the wrong person just like my dad

ON some days I am shite scared about everything.

same anxiety attacks like you do..same thought process same mistakes..same everything

which is why, though i swear to myself that i MUST NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY OR PERSONALLY..i end up doing it

Makes me feel like a fool..

to take you for a REAL person in my life...yes...i think you are real..but you see..unless we call each other each day and meet each other every ARE NOT REALLY REAL..i feel like a fool that i still think of you as a real person in my life though we never meet up or talk up or whatever else, REAL FRIENDS do .

makes me sheepish ..seriously..why am i writing this ramble mail?



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

So,yeah,MR.U's parents got divorced not long ago

I personally APPROVE of this decision.

They were so INCOMPATIBLE to begin with.

you see, in those good ole days...people JUST RANDOMLY married..and just LIVED TOGETHER...whatever...even if the marriage is a FAILURE.

i am REALLY HAPPY that they got divorced...if people keep bickering , even when the kids are in their thirties, that says, how incompatible a relationship is or has been all the way...

just like I ALWAYS TWEET, >> DIVORCE is a GOOD THINg..NO REally, IT IS .


I don't blame one single person in a divorce..Both of his parents are VERY SMART PEOPLE in their own is just that, they DON'T MATCH with each other..

MY MOM and dad. they are VERY VERY SMART PEOPLE...BUT again, just like his dad and mom, ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

my parents are not divorced,but on some days, I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.


ON SOMEDAYS,i feel, maybe, my own parents must divorce too, just like, mr.u's parents did.

I did broach this subject with my parents and they CLEARLY TOLD ME THAT THEY NEED EACH OTHER AND ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DIVORCE...well, I TRIED...whatever!LOL

DADS,vegas,19yrs olds,human trafficking-October 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-LETTERS TO MR.U

DADS,vegas,19yrs olds,human trafficking-October 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS.-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





how are you?

I celebrated my birthday in xxxxxxxx.Figured i must email you on that day just like i did in 2007..but ofcourse, too many things have transpired since 2007...our paths digress further and further ,so I DIDN'T.

what is with you going and fornicating with xxxxxx in vegas and participating in the horror of what is called COMMODIFICATION OF HUMAN BODIES ESPECiALLY the BODIES OF WOMEN??

paying to fornicate is like implying that someone's body is for rent

and THE NOTION " that coz you have money and COZ they need money" somehow makes it okay FOR you to use their body for a bit??

WHICH IS WHY,the fact that you went and did some orgy stuff in vegas, I am totally pissed off

it is not about MORALITY. It is about the fact that you forget the horror of human trafficking just coz you need to get off. hnmmmmm..sigh

More than that,,what is with this getting obsessed over 19 year olds? huh? hmmm

I COMPLETELY DISAPPROVE..Don't become your father(sorry , just had to say IT this way)

Generation gap does exist...coz age and a decade teaches you things and changes you as a yeah.. 19 and 30 don't go well,,

just like my 31 and his 41 never will work EITHER...but hey..whatever.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

As you can note, if you are reading all the blog entries under the 'MR.U" SERIES, the last email I wrote to him was in october 2008 and then for two years, i DIDN'T TALK TO HIM...Then in october 2010,I felt COMPELLED to write one angry, disapproving letter because HE WAS GETTING SO OUT OF CONTROL.

At thAT point, he had just finished sleeping with prostitutes in vegas and also dating this VERY YOUNG GIRL...

you know what his response to my disapproval about dating this very young girl was? HE SAYS " relax she is of age"

dude, the point here is not if she is LEGAL TO fuck or not, the point is THE EMOTIONAL RAMINFICATIONS OF A VERY INFLUENTIAL VERY OLDER MAN SLEEPING with a very IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG GIRL who is just still growing up emotionally yet..

She might be 19, she might be of age,she is NOT JAIL BAIT..yet..given that you were 33 , no matter how impressed you were with this little girl, you should have still NEVER ATTEMPTED TO sexualize the whole interaction.

I KNOW HOW UPSETTING in general and more so emotionally upsetting it is for a YOUNG GIRL to recieve SEXUAL ATTENTION from much older men who are supposed TO MENTOR HER rather than immediately somehow benefit SEXUALLY from her adulation for them.

Sadly, in AMERICA, OLDER MEN, somehow just can't KEEP thier hands off YOUNGER WOMEN, whom they LIKE VERY MUCH...

There needs to be some boundary..where young women CAN FEEL SAFE AND protected in the company of OLDER MEN, who are in a position of experience and power..Such older people MUST ONLY MENTOR younger people whom they find impressive.

i always USED to think mr.U , WAS EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND AWARE enough to BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUNG WOMEN as children who need to be mentored and NOT ATTEMPT TO take THEM to bed coz they are so enamored by him.


If you go and read my VERY LOOOOOOOOONG BLOG entry about MR.U,,explaining the WHOLE 9 YEARS Of my interaction with him, I explain this one TURNING POINT, where i knew THAT , IT IS OVER..

this is that point...This thing he did to that YOUNG girl.

I THOUGHT HE HAD BETTER SENSE THAN SLEEPING WITH SUCH A YOUNG GIRL..but ofcourse, he didn't.As the older person in any interaction, it is the job of the older person , to CONTROL sexual urges and do what is EMOTIONALLY JUST...

Now, when that young girl, often looks back at that time, she feels like , he messed up with her AND I AGREE WITH HER...and now, MR.U, gets angry at her , for vocalizing her feelings and at me coz i take her side.

Dude, what the were a fucking 33 years old and you had NO GRIP over your went and fucked an impressionable young 19 year old...and

you didn't back then and even till today,THINK, that it was an act of ABUSE OF POWER,


YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MENTOR her and protect her and teach her things..Instead,you were like, "hey, now that you are so enamored by me and because i am fucked up in my head, why don't i take you to bed" geezus..what the hell.

Anyways,this incident caused me to break my TWO year silence with him and I actually EMAILED HIM...I just had to give him my two cents..

do you know why it is called INCEST when parents try to sexualize their relationships with their children?because, being a parent is a position of trust and when a child is MADE TO GIVE RETURNS in the form of sexual satisfaction, THE RELATIONSHIP becomes very CONDITIONAL..

parenting is supposed to be an UNCONDITIONAL ENDEAVOR OF GIVING...parents are not supposed to EXPECT anything in return for NURTURING a child, that THEY CREATED..

A similar DYNAMIC needs to exist between older folks and the younger generation.THE OLDER PERSON is LIKE A matter, how much the child is enamored by you, YOU MUST NOT ABUSE THAT POSITION OF TRUST.

sexual interaction RUINS that UNCONDITIONAL NURTURING CONCEPT..forever .

children don't know any better..IT IS YOUR JOB AS THE ADULT IN THE RELATIONSHIP to set boundaries and teach them the concept of dependability.

Bday wishes,mistakes,relationship advice,kindness,vicarious pain,emotional baggage--October 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

Bday wishes,mistakes,relationship advice,kindness,vicarious pain,emotional baggage--October 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.






btw.come on...You are doing the exact same mistakes in the exact same manner i once did ..The problem is, the pain that i underwent back then.the pain that i thought is over now...I seem to be vicariously experiencing it all over again, now by watching you do them.the same things that i once did ..IN the exact same much so that i can almost predict the next thing that you would do..seriously .

So, please do me a favor and don't waste the next six years of your life like i once did just out of fear of being alone...being alone is better than what you are doing exactly right about now.

Seriously.sometimes it is better to get out there and roll with the punches alone rather than do what you are doing right are asking for a kind of misery that will eventually build up a lot of emotional baggage and the emotional baggage never goes away.

Trust me.I have been through it and i had done the exact same things back then , just like what you are doing right now,I ended up being 27 and seriously questioning the last six years.

I am 30 now and the baggage never goes away.gosh.

You are going to end up 37 and with a lot of emotional baggage and i don't want that for you.I am glad that what i did, I did at the age of 21 and so now < I am 30 and i still have a life ahead of me.. and now when i look back at it,I just could not believe that i stayed with someone who obviously was really so bad for me,highly incompatible. and I think that i probably mistook my own kindness and generosity for this other person as an attachment.. gosh..

the sad part is..the recepient of the kindness , kindness from people like you and I , eventually constantly congratulate themselves saying they have managed to fool you and manipulate you and succeeded in making you like them...and that makes the whole act of generosity and kindness very very futile and undeserved and then at the end of six years you end up really understanding what happenned way back then.

.gosh..I have no idea how to explain it better... I am just rambling away to glory..but i just had to do it... I kinda feel very morally responsible for you in some way...I don't know why.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!!

It is cute, how I WISH him for his birthday and CURTLY and swiftly move to another topic and start giving him relationship advice.For most part, actually HE LISTENS to my advice, which is why, I TRY NOT TO MANIPULATE HIM EVER..I give neutral a friend who wants him to do well.

I DON'T EVER shy from writing LOOOOOOGa emails ,do I? cutely, he is the same way WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING EMAILS TO PEOPLE

in his own words,HIS EMAILS ARE looooooooooog and full of rambling rants JUST LIKE ME..we are so fucking similar...awwwwww...

i want everybody to re-read this part in the excerpt about EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE that I write about.The main reason why i am SHARING my personal letters is for everyone to LEARN SOMETHING out of the content of those emails..yeah?

PLUS, mr.u, CAN COME to the blog whenever he pleases and re-read our old emails....I MEAN, he apparently likes the BLOG FORMAT more than the EMAIL!

About running away from him,feeling lonely,perfect moments,conservation-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About running away from him,feeling lonely,perfect moments,conservation-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





DONT have changed very drastically in the year or two... if you change any bit more....i am not sure ..i will not be able to relate to you in the way i used to .. i have no focking idea..may be i still will..but in a different way...may i will just run away and never think of you ever...may be not..anyways..coming back to the point

Don't be lost

... dont' be affected by others.. sometimes ...when you are not introspecting...the people around you take cannot let that happen.

.you were born need to conserve that .... not many people around us are like you and me...we are destined to feel really alone for most part.. one cannot help it..k>?

I just wish i could really speak to you in person RIGHT NOW..but off late..i have come to dread that meeting..when i will meet you and somehow you will not be the person i imagined you to would perhaps disappoint me... where else then will i look for solace?..

I often in my momens of frustation and loneliness ..kinda think of you as one other person who is like me...who perhaps has to deal with the price one pays for trying to do what one exactly believes one must do ....and if i meet you in person one day and then speak to you and find you not that good enough afteraall...won't i feel even more lonely?

At 29... i feel like i have wasted so much of my own resource waiting for perfect mooments to let things known....i feel lonely..and i am going to feel even more lonely ..if you ...if you XXXXXX CHANGE TOO..K?



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

When I READ the email over and over I REALIZED that i had quite a COMFORT LEVEL WITH HIM back then in 2008...That comfort level has almost vanished by 2012...I think a thousand times before even emailing him nowadays..a big sign of a DRIFT.

..I prolly last emailed him 2 years ago(I was almost on the verge of writing him an email this week as I read all my old emails to him, but I truly and honestly mustn't engage with him anymore..Isn't 9 years of wasting time not enough already?

Just like I mention in that 2008 email , the time has truly come for me to just run away and never think of him ever..sigh.....hmmmmmmmm..Actually I think I did send him some message on tumblr in july and since then I have been thinking about him and me and how stupid I have been and How he truly IS NOT THE ONE FOR ME....and such..This blogging spree about Mr.U is also an exercise to try and purge him out of my system before I attempt to NEVER contact him again...Maybe ten years down the line....we would be TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE....sad but true

BTW. speaking of RUNNING AWAY AND HIDING FROM PEOPLE, i wrote a very similar letter about RUNNING AWAY TO as well,,VERY recently...hmmmm...

once i develop a DRift FROM people, I DESPERATELY feel the NEED to run away and hide from them forever.anyways,MOVING ON.

About STAYING in INCOMPATIBLE relationships for fear of public gossip-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About STAYING in INCOMPATIBLE relationships for fear of public gossip-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





I have undergone immense distress due to this constant scrutiny and constant gossip that sometimes i have thought twice before breaking up relationships which i already knew were not working out for me .

Infact, i had once dated this guy in full view of the gossip club and this guy really turned out to be not my type at all.

Infact , he perhaps was just another one of those ordinary gossipers who was smart enough to just use silence as a way to mask that talentless ordinariness of his, just coz he wanted to be the guy who got to date me ...ya know..the trophy girlfriend factor.

And since i went out in full public view to start dating someone,i was under immense pressure to even back out, i continued on with this relationship long after i realized that he was not good enough for me , just coz i was not ready to deal with a public break up which would then further somehow encourage other men trying to come over to me asking me out now that they know that i dated this seemingly ordinary guy.

I didnt want to deal with the further onslaught of intense gossip sessions of people discussing how i broke up with this guy and what not.

I went on and on with this incompatible relationship for years coz i didnt want to stand there alone and face the music ..five years..the whole of med school...I could have just broken up with this guy after the second date(by then i knew that this silent guy was silent for a reason -he just didnt want to out to me that he was no special and infact had the most ugliest of skeletons in his insecure cupboard)...hmmmmmm.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!

funnily and sadly, I AM OUT of this med school relationship that i talk about in this email to MR.U. AND it has been years now,

but now, I see mr.u doing the "staying in relationships" though he clearly knows by the third date, that she is not right for him, coz he is SO SCARED OF the reaction of the onlookers...i have no idea how to advice him anymore, coz, HE REPEATS THIS PATTERN....what can I do, but to just watch or even better, just STOP watching even...I HAVE TO LET HIM go through the motions all by himself and in the process if he ends up drinking more and becoming a pale lifeless version of himself, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING..coz see, after nine years, I AM DONE WITH HIM...:((((

I HAVE TO LET Him FACE THE WORLD alone , on his own...The mama bird is gonna kick the baby bird out of the cozy nest..he is on his own emotionally from now on..

About nasty people and gossip mongers,being incapable of revenge--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About nasty people and gossip mongers,being incapable of revenge--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





Please don't even bother to react to things floating around in the internet or anywhere else.These people gossip coz they have nothing important to do in their lives.

The gossip mongers are broken people

..what is broken can't be put back is like broken glass.

I advice you like this.but yet still, each time i meet another nasty person, i react the same way you do .I get immensely angry and more so when i am inherently incapable of returning their nastiness with nastiness..It just doesn't happen with me.Sometimes i get angry at myself at how i am incapable of revenge.Sometimes i wish i had the capcity to be as nasty as the next person..Yet, i end up going and being nice to everyone..

Sweetie, i get you .It makes me feel less alone when i see you .Atleast i know there is one other person like me.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

Again,maybe this INABILITY to seek revenge is a WISE thing too...THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF REVENGE IS POINTLESS on some level , but again, it probably has a point on some level.

off late, I TRY REALLY hard to GIVE BACK IN GOOD MEASURE..coz, unless you give back, most nasty folks don't even realize that what they did to you was super-cheap and super-nasty.MOST PEOPLE seem to assess the gravity of their actions based on your reactions to their actions.IF YOU SIT THERE AND FORGIVE THEM, they start assuming that what they did to you was OKAY TO DO...

So,yeah, on some level, LETTING THAT OTHER PERSON KNOW is a great idea.;

About how a PASSIVE , AGREEABLE partner is not good for personal growth in a relationship-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About how a PASSIVE , AGREEABLE partner is not good for personal growth in a relationship-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES--July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





Now, in retrospect, I understand how a passive person who chooses to be agreeable can never do any good to a highly original intelligent person .A relationship with a person who is ready to be passive and agreeable does good to nobody in terms of personal growth.Infact it takes away from the growth and personal producitivity that i could have had had i just been alone (however lonely i would have felt) rather than a person who is agreeable but has no real spark to offer.

I tell you this..coz,,,i just see sometimes that you are very distressed by all this unnecessary public intrusion into your life and it has caused you to change a lil bit over the past couple of years.But trust me, only do what you really want to do.If you find over time that someone you are with(friends or otherwise) is not your type , please dont be afraid to take action and break up with them.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!

I wrote this letter to him in july 2008, and he did break up with whomever he was with back then.IT WAS such a pain for me to watch him go through it all..IT HURT ME VICARIOUSLY.

Also, since then, more mistakes, and I AM JUST TIRED OF WATCHING THIS CIRCUS affects me to see him MESS UP OVER AND ADIOS MY FRIEND,,hugs, will always love you on some level but, ENOUGH ALREADY!


About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





So, yeah.I know it is distressing when you are constantly under the public eye all the time.

This constant scrutiny can alter one's real style and personality. This kind of curiosity guided harrassement happens at all levels.

I know this, coz ,all mylife, no matter where i have gone, I have always stood out and have,just by my thoughts and actions, always inadvertantly seperated myself from the crowd ,though not deliberately .

I have always been the target of gossip and constant scrutiny due to me being different from them.This had always baffled me for the longest time.I used to wonder why they notice me and remember me even if it was only once that i must have talked to them.

So yeah, when i first started med school,I stayed at the dorm , k,.(my first time when i would have had to live with fellow students).Earlier to that, it had always been that, i could use the home time as my healing time where i could spend private time away from the public eye, rejuvenating.

So, the first year at the dorm, i had a very difficult time dealing with people who would just be after my case for no reason ,except that I am the smart one who is good at what I do and they are for some reason angry that I dont give up or I dont resort to being nasty like them.

For the first year, i was baffled at why people are nasty to me even if i had not done anything to them.In the long run i have learned that it is lonely at the top and people are nasty not in reciprocation to anything i did to them(infact even my niceness used to make them more angry and more nasty-which shocked me ) but due to the fact that they are so insecure and jealous and just out of uncontrollabe jealousy they would be nasty to such unfathomable extents that it can hurt you and your personality.

I have faced it all my life, though not at humungous levels like you are right now, but then, the gist of the harrasment is the same , only the scale escalates as your arena expands.

Each and every place i go ,i have learned that i have to deal with the fact that i will always be the outsider amidst all the untalented people who want to get it all with minimum talent.

people are greedy and mediocre like that.

I get angry each time i see talentless people who are nasty to boot.I can feel ya.

I can empathize each time they target you and try to label you coz i have faced it too, ofcourse on a lesser scale than what you are facing right now.It has changed me as a person wherein i have sometimes not done things for fear of the has changed me as a person , made me a little more paranoid too.

I can see how all this xxx attention must make you want to think twice before doing things or saying things because they rip everything you say into things that they were not meant to be.I have faced that.Trust happens at all levels..happens all the time.

the world is filled with a majority of greedy talenteless people who don't get originality.

they get angry at it and try to attack things and people that make them feel small or inadequate just by their sheer talent and originality.

Your coping mechanism and the things you say remind me of how i reacted when i first went to medical school and I just didnt know how to react to the unexplained hostility from people who i barely knew yet was nice to.

I went into distress mode coz i didnt understand why they hated me.

Afterall i was actually being nice , was trying to work hard and was a good student .it is almost like they wanted to make me feel sorry that i was good looking and smart at the same time.They just needed me to lose out on something so that they could rejoice and feel a little pacified

Now after a decade, Now i know that nasty people should never be talked to , they dont even deserve a reaction .They need to just be ignored and they must be let to squalour in their insecurities.The nasty shit will never change coz they are what they are ..nasty shit.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

THIS email is by far one of my very very "concerned" emails that i sent to him..coz, i have literally seen the transformation from what he was in 2003 to what he became by 2008...

so, yeah,I could see a lot of myself in him in 2003 and could see a lot of myself each time i see him struggling with the common,petty thought process of others around him and ofcourse i had to sympathize and tell him NOT TO CHANGE ..pccccch..i feel sad for the kid on some days...even today...

Even till today, he will vocalize and repeat that advice aloud when asked about other people's reactions to him..I am like, "good job on memorizing what i tried to drill into you in 2008.this advice is my gift to you for life"

Sunday, December 23, 2012

equal male and female strippers

UNLESS each stripclub has an EQUAL number of MALE and FEMALE
strippers, it should be deemed GENDER abusive and closed
Infact, the whole concept of strip clubs is emotionally abusive to the strip teaser.
The concept of ONE PERSON stripping in front of another person who just sits there fully clothed, just coz the viewer is the payer and the strip teaser is the poverty stricken person in need of money, MAKE THIS WHOLE ACT, sexually SKEWED AND ABUSIVE....
weird version of sexuality...and  is more about control and exercise of power using money power..
THUS, even if there were equal number of male and female strip clubs..THE WHOLE CONCEPT STILL IS EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY ABUSIVE and thus has to BE DONE AWAY WITH..close down all strip clubs..for the sake of human rights.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

MOCKING the person who had sex with you?

When I say sex,it includes,
physical sex,
verbal sex(phone sex,email sex,sexting)
and internet
sex..any kind of sexual interaction is sex and even a NON PENETRATION,
So, whenever I use the word "sex" it includes all aspects of sexuality and
doesn't necessarily just indicate physical penetration of genitalia.
Sex has a thousand facets to it.
So, coming back to the topic on hand...
these days on the internet,I see a lot of SEX TAPES being "LEAKED"
in an effort to monetize the sex you once had with a person.
Sometimes, personal sex tapes or sexual letters ,videos and sexual pictures,
that were once exchanged between LOVERS ( here again, even if a guy goes and BUYS sex with a
prostitute, at that given point of time, those minutes of sex still
makes them LOVERS..maybe the prostitute is a disenfranchised poor
person being exploited for money, but yet, at that given point of
time, they had sex, they were lovers very very momentarily)...
GOSH, I go off tangentially on sentences..ADHD at its best..LOL (Disclaimer:I have NOT been diagnosed with adhd or anything..i just use the term LOOSELY when I blog)
So, yeah, all the personal pictures and letters and videos are
SUDDENLY leaked out to THIRD PARTIES by one of the lovers IN AN
EFFORT to humiliate the other person in public////
MY QUESTION to the person that is LEAKING STUFF dude/dudette, IS
At one point, you had sex ./sexual conversations with this other person. YEAH?
But Now , you have distanced yourself from that very intimate moment
that you SHARED with that person and SUDDENLY you are out and about
exposing that private moment for everyone to see,all in an effort to
humiliate them? What exactly must they be humiliated about?The fact
that they decided to do the foolish thing of wanting to have sex with
an idiot like you?what? Don't you see yourself humiliated too? How come a sex tape where both of you are having sex WITH EACH OTHER , only humuliates that other person?ARE YOU NOT HUMILIATING YOURSELF?

so, by doing so, are you telling everyone indirectly that, "see, this
person had sex WITH ME and thus they are STUPID,coz, who would want
to go have sex with a person LIKE ME, who IN THE FUTURE would think it is
approriate to expose that PRIVATE MOMENT OF INTIMACY to the whole
because, see, THE PERSON THAT LEAKS is the ACTUAL PERSON that MUST feel humiliated
in the end..
coz, obviously , the LEAKER, doesn't repsect themselves the point where they imply that anyone who decided to have sex with a horrible person like them MUST INDEED BE A FOOL..YEAH?
So, When you try to MOCK someone else about having written sexual letters/texts to
you,,when infact they were probaly just replies to your own sexual letters to them, YOU ARE
It takes two to tango....and there must only be the two very people
involved that have a right to access to the evidence of such  intimate acts
Sharing such intimate acts and letters with third parties , is LIKE MOCKING
also, all these THIRD PARTY BYSTANDERS, who are eager to come running
wanting to read someone else's love letters or watch leaked sex tapes are TRULY stupid,and desperate and voyeuristic and nosy and NAIVE..
Naive in the sense that, if you as a third party somehow imagine that
by LISTENING TO ONE SIDED STORIES where the leaker is leaking selective material, you can guage what is happening or what happened between past lovers, then truly, you don't know the reality of human emotions at all !
It is funny to watch  so many unconnected third party commenters under each sex scandal article on the internet...I laugh at the commenters who pass serious judgement and take sides.
AS THIRD PARTIES,to begin with  IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS to comment or judge and secondly, NONE OF US  will NEVER , EVER, know, what really happened between the two parties actually involved in the issue.
SO, for all the IDIOTS posting REVENGE SEX VIDEOS or photos online...really, YOU ARE ONLY HUMILIATING have no respect for your own have given up on yourself and have gotten so emotionally disconnected to everything and everyone to a point of being extremely disconcertingly stoic about what you do  in life.
And all the eager consumers of leaked sex videos,please GET A something useful with your life other than wasting time, reading other people's love letter or sex can make better use of your time.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

possibly very difficult for him to trackback from his own lies now

I am starting to suddenly wonder now that in this past year, I think
he went RECKLESS with so many more lies to his "friends" about how I
was after him while he humbly refused being the great wonderful good
fiance and husband that he is and he possibly also PRIVATELY SHARED my
intimate emails to THIRD PARTIES..who possibly fuckily read all those
emails like creeps instead of saying, "hey, this is someone else's
letter and I must not read it "..I know he did share some letters with
that nosy lady back then..the lady who wonders why she faces such
hardships in life for no reason(lady ,maybe the fact that you were so
ready to harrass the very woman whom you once sought medical help from
on DM,,maybe karma gets to you, maybe?)
I knew, he sent her my emails, the emails that were sacred and
personal between us, to some fucking nosy third party,, coz he
publicly tweeted about sending her my emails and I have
SCREENSHOTS..infact i keep all his ugly insulting tweets towards me as
screenshots in a folder I call the "reality check folder", so that
each time I see myself slipping back into missing him, I go , open up
that folder and then a reality check happens, feels like a slap in my
face for having reached out to him back then..
Now I am thinking, in this year of me having gone awol on my blogs and
twitter PRIMARILY coz I was getting annoyed at his frequent visits to
my blogs..I am like, :"dude, when you brand other people as stalkers,
then you must stop visiting their blogs even after months of them not
talking to you " but no, the man, has a public face and a private
face...and ofcourse I have screenshots of his visits to my blog
too..again, for the sake of my REALITY CHECK FOLDER that I watch ever
so often when i MISS HIM TOO MUCH..(yeah there must be something
really wrong to actually miss a person..or maybe the pain of what he
did is so ugly and sad that I want to reach out and talk to him and
try TO OVERLAY NEWER fonder memories over all that ugliness..I am

now i figure, in this year of me going awol, he went beserk in his
smear campaign over me or some such,,coz i GET THE ODDEST of visitors
, checking out the oddest blog entries , ya know..I know who that
person is and I am wondering , why they are still visiting my blog
when they are on his side of the fence..WHAT THE FUCK...WHY?SNOOPY,
INFACT, THE whole things got too much for me, to a point , that i
wanted to somehow stop it ..either by having a nice conversation to
check if he visits because he misses me or some such, (silly me, still
trying to romanticize an ugly happening in my life..the guy threw me
under the bus..and I still miss him and I still want to query if he
misses me? truth too much of a bitter pill to swallow for me?)
anyways, now he has possibly said so many more convenient lies and
tarnished my image some more, that EVEN IF HE MISSED ME LIKE CRAZY, he
cannot own it up in public without coming across as a liar..
so, yeah, that is what a LIAR gets, an inability to even reconnect
with someone they dearly miss each day..coz they have to keep up
appearances with "friends"
ps, in the process of you and your friends visiting and snooping over
my blogs and tweets and everythings else, you are just NOT LETTING ME
BE...wasn't that public violation enough? do i need the sneaky
humiliation each day by way of your blog visits? if at all YOU ARE
YOU..I can understand the missing part , coz inspite of all this shit,
I miss you too,, like a fucking idiot in stockholm syndrome..
have the courage to email back or shut the fuck up and STOP KEEPING

faulty retrospective memory recall

I just realized how important it is to record your CURRENT FEELINGS
while you have them, on a blog or journal, because , when you let that
moment go and try to RECALL WHAT YOU ACTUALLY FELT BACK THEN,,memory
recall is SO INACCURATE and faulty, you end up making mistakes in
piecing it together
I am just readin this lady's blog where she blogged there and then as
each incident happened ...and suddenly I was, " good she recorded it
like this rather than do a RETROSPECTIVE, THIS IS HOW IT POSSIBLY
I didn't blog for a year because I DIDN'T WANT THIS MAN to know
anything about me or my life..I WANTED TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND....sadly,
all those memories of these three years have vanished AND i have all
faulty recalls now

upset that you don't think it is YOUR JOB to protect my feelings-LEGALITY and obligations!

I just am upset that SINCE I AM NOT YOUR LEGAL WIFE(which I am very glad i am not,btw),you feel it is not your LEGAL AND MORAL DUTY to be protective of my safety,my reputation,my honor and my feelings !

Any human being with dignity will seek to protect the ones they love.And you are not a are a petty monster!

I DON'T care ABOUT LEGALITY OR SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE. I am far too SELF SUFFICIENT to be needing all those legalities of a dependant "legal" wife..
But,I like exclusive relationships.I like loyalty in a sexual or romantic relationship.I believe in MONOGAMY.

We don't need legal papers to make sure someone stays with us,but we do need HONESTY and integrity in character to be safegaruding the emotional health of  a person whom we claimed once upon a time to have care about or had interacted with,on a sexual level even if it is just sexual emails!

I care about REAL FEELINGS that we care to feel for people in the privacy of our minds.

IF YOU really LOVE OR CARE for someone even if it is just in the secrecy of  your mind,then you automatically owe them this responsibility TO SAFEGAURD their honor and safety and emotional well-being!

It is funny how YOU BEHAVED at the moment when you felt or imagined that I WAS OUT TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE BY EXPOSING to everyone that you loved me or whatever it was that you felt for you to write sexual  letters to me

So,once you felt threated in your "REAL" lifestyle, YOU DECIDED that you owed me nothing?

YOU DECIDED that you are going to discredit me completely by humiliating me, by PUBLICLY
sharing my letters and pictures i sent you to some random stangers?that is called invasion of MY privacy.

so, their approval and acceptance of you was MORE IMPORTANT than the fact that you owed
to safeguard my honor and my dignity and my privacy?

no one gave you the right to PROVE ME AN IDIOT and imbalanced person JUST SO THAT YOU can enhance your image as a good husband...

In my opinion,YOU ARE A SHITTY HUSBAND,which is why I NEVER WANTED TO OFFICIALLY DATE YOU OR MARRY YOU,coz,i didn't want to constantly wonder if you were writing secret sexual letters to some woman on the internet while still wearing my engagement ring.
That is what you did to your current wife and then fiance when you wrote me those letters and that behavior kinda proved to me as to how EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED you are as a personality!

So,really,NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO NOW,,,to prove to everyone that you are a great husband.IN MY OPINION,you will always remain as fuck-ass-husband!

IT UPSETS ME that  you think it is YOUR JOB to protect the feelings of your legally wedded wife,coz she IS CONNECTED TO YOU IN REAL LIFE in a legal manner and anything that happens which might anger her, will affects you both directly or indirectly ,in bed or in legal issues.
YOU SURELY KNOW to respect OBLIGATIONS..and you only seem to know how to BEHAVE only if somone is twisting your arm to behave using LEGALITY OF MARRIAGE!

IT UPSETS ME that you think that BECAUSE i am thousand miles away, and because there is no legal binding between us,my honor or mental health or emotinal health was worth sacrificing?


what an irresponsible fellow !
I shudder at the thought that i shared so much love and so many emails with a thankless monster who really doesn't understand any other language other than LEGALITY AND OBLIGATION

another 14 years of the same same for you?

It takes you far too long to get out of a comfortable mistake...It
took you 14 years to finally get out of your previous mistake...and
funnily,yet again, you turned around, and made the same mistake all
over again and again, you are putting up with things and putting up
appearances..and it will take you another 14 years before it will get
too much and YOU WILL WANT OUT....and sadly you will be almost 60 if
you do that...DON'T WAIT FOR ANOTHER 14 YEARS ,, just get out of this
mistake as fast as possible..I know you inside out and I know for
sure, this thing was a mistake you did in a hurried moment of
fear,panic and loneliness.and yeah, stop pining about that other man
who left you ...HE IS JUST NO GOOD either..


The word SNAKE would aptly describe MR.GREEN's personality..
very unpredictable,very untrustworthy...
When a snake percieves a threat it mindlessly and instantly,without a
second thought, strikes and poisons and kills you.
There is no coming back from death, yeah?
EVEN if you don't mean to bea threat, if the snake for some reason percieves you as a threat, then
YOU ARE DONE yeah.. hmmm
Also,he is just very sneaky and silent just like the snake..
is the very one that immensely sexually turns me on on many occasions is what baffles me the most...
says a lot about me then ,no?To think someone is a snake and then yet get sexually turned on by a snake ..
many questions raised? About my sanity..LOL

No common language of communication in the marriage?

I mean, you both don't even have a COMMON COMFORTABLE LANGUAGE OF
That says a lot about what you think of a relationship.
Apparently there is no need to even share ideas in your marriage?
Just share a bed,, giggle and fuck and eat together and that is it?
what a drab situation indeed

Do you even have a MIND OF YOUR OWN?

I think you are perfectly aware yourself that your brain is UNORIGINAL AND
lacks imagination and creativity and intelligence..
yet, you want to partake of all the perks that come with having
intelligence or creativity or other such virtues..

So, you steal other's ideas. The heck, you even steal other people's personalities and pretend you have their personality.How unoriginal can a person get?

You constantly check on what other people are doing and want to do it

If someone eats chicken curry and talks about how great it is,you
will order chicken curry within the next two days and eat it and feel
you  have achieved some great benchmark of luxury .

If someone secretly writes in their online journal about holidays to
aurora borelialis and macchu picchu, YOU THEN meticulously plan
holidays to those very places...

If your old boyfriend moves back to the homeland coz he got fired for
constantly posting naked women pictures on his website to boost page
visits and ad revenue,YOU THEN WANT TO RUN BACK TO the homeland just to be with
him-like a meek little puppy dog who can't do without him.The pains of being a closet homosexual man who is in love with a heterosexual man who is dead on the inside.(being homosexual is not a crime, but being homesexual but pretending you are heterosexual is dishonest ,dontcha think?)

If your old boyfriend went snowboarding,YOU SUDDENLY GO BUY A SNOWBOARD and start snowboarding and getting obsessive about it ..even after he left you for good,you religiously do it as if to prove your loyalty to him, as if you live a little bit of him in what you do..what an ardent lover you are..yet no courage to openly accept or express that love..why not find another homesexual man who will love you back...rather than have a lifetime hangover of this man who left you forever.

If someone else on the internet constantly babbles about gadgets,,you will do so too on your blog.
when that fad passes,you suddenly lose interest too.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU? Don't you have a mind of your own? Don't you think or feel for yourself.Is there anything you want to do or have, that no one else does?

Monday, December 17, 2012

MARRYING someone that doesn't love you to begin with

My question is,
Why on earth did you marry someone who didn't love you?
It is an eventuality that the man will leave you after years of marriage,
 if he is in a clear position to leave you ,
 because HE NEVER LOVED YOU to begin with
and you knew it too
and yet you wanted to marry him  because you thought,
BY MARRYING HIM you will TRAIN him into loving you eventually..
it happens spontaneously and naturally.
And when someone doesn't LOVE you spontaneously and naturally,THEY NEVER WILL.
You can force them to live with you and have sex with you and marry you,

Saturday, December 8, 2012


Women in so many cultures are taught to RIGHTFULLY beg their husbands
or boyfriends for gifts or spending money.
Culturally teaching them that an adult asking
another adult for spending money is OKAY! (which
it is not).
Children asking parents for spending money is okay,but expecting money in
exchange for companionship or sex is like BEING A GLORIFIED PET .
IT IS NOT OKAY and there is no pride in that at all.

Thursday, November 29, 2012


WHAT TRIGGERED off this whole irate blog commentary is THIS

When i visited a food blog and there was a picture of this very pretty girl making faces

at the camera and her old bourdain husband smugly smiling for the

camera as well in the backdrop of that picture... and down in the comments some young girl leaves a comment which says " Soul mates probably? I want to be HER when I grow up"

WTF!!...So, all young girls are now aspiring to be 33 years olds who really just get married to a 56year old rich man and barely get time to spend with him? THAT IS the definition of being A SOULMATE thesedays?WTF !

After seeing that pic, I had to go google both her name and her husband's name to find their ages first...and then had to go read Anthony's tumblr blog and some other interviews of his wife...just to get a gist of "what exactly is the deal" with this couple old enough to be father and daughter ( I don't want readers to start yapping-love knows no age and other such bullshit..coz love that expects sex back is a very CONDITIONAL LOVE...)

Coming back to their ages,

How old is Anthony Bourdain?

56 yrs old

How old is his current wife?


33..Half his age...33 years younger than him !!!!!!

Geeezus...I am 33.

This awareness of the age difference between them kinda made me shake my head a lil bit in DISAPPROVAL!

..and 56-33=33? double her age and 30 years older?Again, another shake of head...It is not like 15 and 30, where 30 is double the age of 15 but atleast the guy has a few years of youth left in him..we are talking of 33 and 56...seriously!

And then I read an interview of his wife, some kind of valentine day special for being a chef's wife (fuck all media glorification of VICARIOUS PRIDE of a housewife who is praised and applauded and interviewed for fucking a man who has achieved something in his life.Did she personally train him to be a chef or personally train him to be a good writer? FUCK NO.she has no part in his talent,,so why exactly is she being interviewed for being his wife?coz she is fucking him?)

The housewife is praised FOR NO PERSONAL achievements of her own but just for the fact that she is having sex with a man who achieved something in life.

That is like insulting to womanhood in general and I ABHOR social practices that DON'T ENCOURAGE women to have achievements of their own that are independent of their spouse or family and yet enables women to develop egos proportionate to their sexual partner's achievements.

In the intro to her interview a DELIBERATE EFFORT is made to glorify her personality, to glorify her "VARIOUS RESTAURANT jobs/POSITIONS" and they even casually mention as part of the narrative as to how she is much more active in the restaurant business than even her chef husband is(as if to give her some identity and credibility) ,yada yada ..Just to make her LOOK more important and to MAKE HER ex-JOBS LOOK SIGNIFICANT enough to warrant an INTERVIEW.

BUT IF YOU LOOK AT IT CLOSELY, after having taken off your rose tinted glasses, all she is is someone who immigrated from Italy to the US( ILLEGALLY or legally, I have no idea),worked as whatever she worked as at some restaurants and caught the attention of a 50 year old chef, had his child and then now learns ju-jitsu and won a silver medal in a competition.

She never attempted to learn JU-JITSU while she was in ITALY...why?She possibly spent two or more decades of her life in ITALY not having learned any martial art.WHAT WAS SHE DOING ALL THOSE YEARS IN ITALY?

Given the fact that she is capable of winning a silver medal in it,SURELY she must have had that talent HIDDEN INSIDE OF HER all the time of her childhood that she spent in italy.

How come she never took any martial arts classes while in ITALY?

Because , italy has a very FEMALE DISCRIMINATORY CULTURE.

Women are GOOD women if they just cook and clean for the family and have no identity of their own .

ITALIAN culture is gender abusive towards women.It schematically uses ORGANIZED RELIGION -CATHOLIC CHRISTIANITY to control and abuse women and limit them to kitchens and bedrooms as cooks,sexual concubines and caretakers of children aka HOUSEWIFE .

The women in italy barely get any other opportunities other than the opportunity to be SEXUALLY USEFUL to a discering man..WHOSE children she bears and takes cares of .

Coming back to OLD BOURDAIN'S YOUNG WIFE..she is a product of ITALY...The whole time she grew up in ITALY,the atmosphere must have been so suffocating and discouraging for her to not even REALIZE that she had a TALENT in martial arts...HOW SAD!

It is only after she came to the US and then after she got pregnant and after she married him and after he kept leaving her alone at home while he went on his work travel trips and after her daughter got old enough to spend time in school, WHERE SHE WAS FINALLY LEFT WITH HOURS AND HOURS OF IDLE TIME where her livelihood and spending money needs were already being taken care of by her working is ONLY WHEN she finally came face to face with THIS IDLE TIME, that she went on to take JU-JITSU classes..

Given that she was a TV PERSONALITY'S WIFE..she was able to hire a COACH that gave her FULL ATTENTION AND PRIVATE CLASSES(private classes, so many other women equally talented in martial arts don't get the opportunity to afford).

There are thousands and thousands of women just like her with hidden talents THAT NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY coz they are stuck in social conditioning that doesn't AFFORD FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION OR ASKING FOR RIGHTS...and finances don't allow them to pursue them either.

so, yeah, coming back to topic on hand,


Why did she not learn ju-jitsu for 32 years of her life?

What was she doing all these years in her childhood and youth in ITALY?


Is ju-jitsu supposed to be a financially dependant idle rich wife's hobby to pursue?(Again, NOT TO TAKE AWAY ANY CREDIT for her winning a silver medal, good for her,whatever)

The point here is ,

I am a female physician.I paint, I dance, I write, I photograph , and I do much much much more than her.I AM JUST HER AGE, I AM 33 TOO...and there are so many OVER ACHIEVER WOMEN LIKE ME IN AMERICA AND THE WORLD...We are GROSSLY UNDER-REPRESENTED IN PUBLIC TV AND POPULAR MEDIA..while the mediocre achievers are GLORIFIED..

This kind of over glorification of FEMALE UNDER ACHIEVERS in popular media causes so much young viewers to underestimate the zenith of female achievement that is possible in the united states or the world.IT IS BEING SUBCONSCIOUSLY DRILLED into young minds that THIS IS ALL women can achieve.

THIS MAKES ME ANGRY..because, then a new wave of girls in the younger generation that don't have proper female role models otherwise in their life are being made to believe by popular media that they need to be the letch object of another man or have a big butt to EARN MONEY .

They are being made to believe that marrying a rich old man who is 33 years your senior is ACCEPTABLE and being a financial dependant housewife is acceptable.

An old man might take a liking to a young woman, and even decide to be her mentor, but why must they start having SEX? Can't an old man just have the heart to just mentor and help her without expecting sex back?

IS THERE NO SENSE OF APPROPRIATENESS HERE? An old man marries a young woman to give her a rich come there are no old women marrying young men really young men and give them spending money in return for the sex?

Being a pretty young woman myself, I have been shocked so many times when I WOULD REACH OUT AND BE FRIENDLY to old men coz they would remind me of my own father and I miss my parents...and the old men would then have the audacity to start expressing sexual interest in me...THE FACT THAT THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY CAN RIGHTFULLY EXPECT SEX FROM ME, speaks loads about AMERICAN SOCIAL CONDITIONING where men are allowed to feel entitled to TOO MUCH...michael douglas marrying this young welsh lady and now very recently great granpa hugh heffner marrying that young girl...what the fuck...such popular cases SEND THE WRONG MESSAGES to young girls....

GOLDEN RULE:IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE SOMEONE'S PARENT(if you are 12-14 years or more older than someone, you are old enough to be their parent), DON'T TRY TO GET SEXUALLY INVOLVED WITH THEM..

friendships don't have age limits but please DON'T RUIN it be wanting to have sex or having sex with someone who is older or younger by more than 14 years of age..SUCKS ASS.THAT IS WHY.



A YOUNG GIRL growing up in today's world,reads a food blog, looks at some 33 year old uneducated immigrant getting married to a 56 year old rich chef man and thinks that THAT IS WHAT A SOUL MATE IS ,,BREAKS MY HEART...

What are we teaching our young girls these days?

Surely, this young girl, hasn't seem more women achievers who have achieved 100 times more than what some chef's wife has achieved...MAKES ME SAD

What this article has done is glorify SOME CHEF'S WIFE to the status of some GENIUS MARIE CURIE!

In reality, thousands and thousands of VERY SMART OVER-ACHIEVER WOMEN DO EXIST IN TODAY'S WORLD in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND THE WORLD...but very little people know of them...out of sight, out of mind....

TELEVISION AND MOVIES AND POPULAR MEDIA AND INTERNET choose to glorify the housewives and other such idiots , while the real achievers don't get any PUBLICITY AT ALL...

Hmmmmm...Interviews do present "rosy pictures" of things/people/lives

that aren't that glory worthy .


In the interview Bourdain's wife mentions something about spending time

alone FOR MOST PART and on occasional holidays he comes home and

spends time with the family or some such.

They don't even really have a COMMON LANGUAGE OF COMMUNICATION...Given that she is an italian immigrant to this country, she barely speaks good english.

Our Anthony Bourdain, IS A MAN OF WORDS..So many words that he writes books...he is so full of thoughts.

They obviously don't even have a common language of communication where they could talk and talk , TILL THEY COMMUNICATE like there is nothing left to communicate.

it is not like SHE IS A SUPER CHEF, HE IS A SUPER CHEF, so they might not have a language of communication , but have the same passion or profession or some such.

They don't even HAVE TIME to spend with each other..they barely get time.

So,WHAT KIND OF AN UNFULFILLED relationship is that? BARELY GET TIME FOR ANYTHING TOGETHER? and even if they did, there is such stark contrast in personality and culture shock to boot.

And to think that a young girl on a food blog watches their pic and gets the idea that THIS DYSFUNCTIONALITY IS WHAT YOU DEFINE AS BEING A SOULMATE...whoa!!!

so, bourdain's GIRL WIFE, also makes a backhanded remark about him in the interview (which I personally view as PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PUTTING DOWN that comes out of insecurity) about him.

she says " he can't cook Italian though he is okay with cooking meats" (As such most italians do this kinda of snub remarking about food.An italian's view on food is TELESCOPIC on so many levels, but that is topic for a blog on my vegetarian blog, not the anger blog....)

coming back to the topic on hand

I view such RELATIONSHIPS as theirs' as dysfunctional..

For me,spending time talking each day is what a FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP is made of.



I see the sequencing of their relationship as follows

A previously married and divorced 56 year old man( or given they already have a 4 yrs old daughter together ,maybe he was 52/50 when they met)


he goes to restaurants


sees a pretty ITALIAN IMMIGRANT "GIRL" who is pretty, and is working "various job

descriptions " at the various restaurants,


they barely spend a few hours here and there dating and to quote her own words about their courtship, "we used to have dates in the middle of nights after work shifts"


and she gets pregnant


chooses to go through with the pregnancy(unplanned pregnancy I am guessing, or maybe she planned it ,who cares)


and they quite easily just get married.


Her daugher gets old enough to go to school


Husband goes traveling as part of his work


Too many idle hours in the afternoon


ju jitsu classes


Silver medal (out of how many participants , I have no idea)


Now she has ju jitsu as her background page on her social media pages..



When a PERSONAL IDENTITY becomes a fashion statement in rich wife circles, every idle rich wife suddenly wants to have a job of her own?A person with a REAL SENSE OF SELF IDENTITY would not have waited 33 years before she got one .


Now, she wants her husband to alter his work travel itinerary so that she can include her ju jitsu travels into his work schedule? DOES THE PRODUCTION COMPANY approve of this ?

WTF? *( A truly ITALIAN tendency,,ya know.Bend the work rules to suit personal needs.Why must bourdain's work itinerary ACCOMODATE her ju jitsu travels? THOROUGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL IN MY OPINION)


Older celebrity men getting young convenient wives. or men forgetting to wear a condom and then feeling obligated to marry the BABY MOMMA...again, maybe he likes to have a pretty young woman as a wife...again...who knows what.


Now,she is a vicarious jet setter with him and suddenly a ju-jitsue champion who won a silver medal in some competition with only seven months of training.

I mean...if she was so talented in ju-jujitsu..what the hell was she doing wasting 33 years of her life not pursuing it any earlier..what a waste of talent for 33 years !


It is so easy to be a couple when you hardly ever meet OR spend time together.

The real incompatibilities come to light only when YOU SPEND CONSIDERABLE TIME WITH EACH OTHER

If you barely get an hour a month, any odd couple can survive the NAMESAKE RELATIONSHIP.

The more time you spend, the more it becomes necessary that there is REAL COMPATIBILITY in order for the relationship to survive.

When you barely have alone-time together..any odd lay would do?

I am talking about both of them here...for both of them , is this pseudo-relationship convenient?I am sure NEITHER of them is FULFILLED..Again, MAYBE THEY ARE ...who knows.

ANYWAYS..enough of her interviews.

Now about how he HIMSELF portrays his relationship with his far too young wife.

OFTENTIMES,media personalities or CHEFS hosting TV programs are encouraged by the production companies or sponsors TO PROJECT A GLAMOROUS ROSY IMAGE OF THEIR PRIVATE LIVES..just to fool the viewers..

In my opinion,the viewers really should not be bothered about his personal life at all,especially since his TV shows are about food and his commentary on food and life..

so yeah.

I happened to read Anthony Bourdain's blog on tumblr too, and then found one article about Beirut .

He talks about how tough it was to get that particular episode over and get it ready to be broadcast and then throws in a line there saying " When I returned home, that night my daughter was conceived"

I am like "OOOOOkay.?....hmmmmmm, how romantic! "

And then my PHYSICIAN BRAIN STARTED working and questioning the CREDIBILITY of this statement.

Apparently the trip to beirut for shooting an episode of NO RESERVATIONS was nerve wracking for the whole team due to the shootings and lock down or curfew in BEIRUT that took place while they were there.

Bourdain blogs about this saying that He came back home and on that very night/day of his

coming back home, he claims , his daughter was conceived by his wife from him?( I am only paraphrasing what anthony bourdain wrote himself on one of his recent blog entries on tumblr about the conception)

Hmmmm...So, ONE SHOT INSEMINATION,and fertilization?

I am a physician, so I am like,

This man is OLD(56 years old),

he is an ex chain smoker,

obviously drinks on almost all of his TV episodes and outside of it too,


also,He just underwent a very recent episode of immense stress in beirut..

All of the above mentioned factors of drinking and stress would make someone's semen sample NOT SO VIRILE in my opinion.

And even if anyone's semen is full of virile spermatozoa ready to fertilize, all raving to go, surely,Did just ONE SINGLE ATTEMPT Do THE TRICK?

I am starting to think, He kinda EITHER OVER-ROMANTICIZED the child conception story of his daughter... all movie style...where the hero soldier returns all victorious and immediately proceeds to impregnate his wife


He got his facts wrong about when exactly the conception happened..

Pinpointing it to the very day? Bllaaaaah

I mean, Did he return on the exact same day that his wife was ovulating?

There is only a 72 hr window for ovulation, and wow..

she was ovulating exactly when he came back all stressed out ?

and boom,




I am sure that yet another young girl or boy who read that particular blog entry about the conception of his daughter also then proceeded to make it their life's mission to get pregnant after a trip to beirut..

YOUGSTERS these days have ridiculous role models and such LOWLY life goals.geezus!

NOBEL PRIZE winners DON'T get as much media coverage AS these reality show and travel show hosts...sad



This is not a personal attack on BOURDAIN or his young wife .

This is just a A SOCIAL COMMENTARY on the sorry state of women's affairs in this country...where young girls have NO GOOD FEMALE ROLE MODELS

where, today's young girls are putting the AMERICAN WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE to shame by throwing away the opportunities that their women foremothers FOUGHT HARD to achieve...

It is also a social commentary on the GENDER DISCRIMINATORY PRACTICES of ITALY...and gender discriminatory social conditioning in the US that MAKES such relationships not only socially acceptable but something that youngsters aim to make their life's goal.

It is also a social commentary on how popular media is DOING A DIS-SERVICE TO authentically talented smart, super smart women by CHOOSING TO ONLY POPULARIZE WOMEN with mediocre or even NON-existent ACHIEVEMENT/talents...leading to young minds getting the impression that women are idiots in general.It is always funny to note how Donald trump deliberately will choose very very UNTALENTED DUMB women to participate in his GAME SHOW and then, it is but natural that THESE WOMEN will lose out in the competition AND THEN there is this general idea that is subconsciously drilled in the viewers head that WOMEN ARE DUMB and they always lose out to men...


Dear young girls of the world,

a/you have a right to a great education..

b/Please go to college, get a college degree...get a job of your own
, ( a job that doesn't involve men leching at you.....modelling and bikini modelling doesn't count as a real profession in my opinion, it is just getting paid for by the male letch)...

c/Please don't marry a man who earns more or less than you...

A richer man is going to use the money to control you and

a poorer man is going to use you as a sugar mommy.

MARRY AN EQUAL, an intellectual and spiritual equal (the same rule of marriage applies to men too)
d/The tv, newspapers, internet social media MUST GLORIFY and bring to light, THE REAL WOMEN ACHIEVERS..not some idiot with a big butt and zero brain or some wife of some male achiever...

AS A SMART FEMALE PHYSICIAN, having to witness this sorry state of affairs makes me not want to have NOT children at all..If I have a daughter she will have to grow up in this gender abusive environment....and I WANT MY FUTURE DAUGHTERS TO GROW UP IN A GENDER NEUTRAL ENVIRONMENT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pimping Billie Holiday?

When Billie holiday arrived in harlem, no one even tried to find out if the girl has any talents..
They just figured that she is a girl of 13 with vagina and put her into prostitution for "5$ a time".
That is what MODERN DAY PORN does too.
DOESN'T ALLOW WOMEN to be human beings,women with personalities,talents,likes and
To vegas and other porn/prostitution rings, women are just commodities to be leched at or rented out...
FOR SEX...because sex is a beautiful expression of love where NO MONEY
should play a role.
Speaking of which, women should stop offering their wombs for rent aka
housewivery?(sorry, just had to say it)

Letting out sexual energies in the wrong channels

I was watching this old japanese TV SERIES called OSHIN and there are these "1983 scenes" AMIDST the 1901 scenes, which honestly? could be done away with.
It is a pain to watch this YOUNG ACTRESS playing this GRANDMOTHER to this male actor who prolly in real life is her own age but is now playing her grandson .The 1983 scenes also show japanese society as the current society which is APING AMERICAN LIFESTYLE...(again, another pain to watch)

What an interruption in the scenic beauty of  the childhood story of oshin from 1901..LOL

So yeah, the grandson and grandmother have this strange equation,
I think that  the ACTORS managed to enact this equation  in a rather CREEPY MANNER..

Given the factor that possibly both the actress and actor are of the same age,yet the female actor is playing the male actor's grandmother and there is this STRANGE SEXUAL TENSION THAT I COULD PERCEIVE the whole way through their scenes together.
Either that or given that JAPAN IS SUCH A SEXUALLY REPRESSED SOCIETY ,it has become a social trend to have alternate ways of letting out the sexual tension by having creepy inappropriate sexual equations with females in the family who you have more access to communicate on a regular basis .

To add to the creepiness in one of the scenes, the grandson gets into a hot bath with his grandmother and scrubs her back...and geezus...
why, oh, why?
That is when it occurred to me that
This oftentimes occurs in societies where there are strict rules prohibiting free NORMAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS with females ...AND THUS all that normal pent up sexual  energy seeks escape in interactions that are considered acceptable.Such repressed societies often times don't raise an eyebrow if you are talking to a female who is related by blood or marriage to other male members of your family.
Truly, In japan which has a history of  men having wives to procreate and Geishas on the side to amuse their other needs, such a creepy occurrence of a sexual frustrated grandma asking grandsons to rub their back or grandsons offering to rub backs of grandmas ...
Either ways, soaking in a bath tub is FILTHY...SOAKING IN A PUBLIC BATH is even more filthier.geezus .Japan and their public baths..Same goes for the public baths of the middle east..IN modern days..where ...anyways whatever.

Same thing with cultures where there is LOCKING UP of one gender in veils and garbs and often constantly  referring to them as some kind of sexual "object" ( as if men are not equally the sexual objects to , the men end up in HAMAMS having nice lil baths with fellow men.
Since interaction with fellow men is NOT VIEWED AS IMMORAL or not viewed  with suspicion,oftentimes all that pent up sexual energy that comes  from not being allowed to NORMALLY INTERACT with females,ends up getting translated to physical sexual interaction with fellow males and
behind closed yeah..
(I am NOT in any way IMPLYING that all male homosexual behavior stems from pent up sexual tension that has no outlet in repressed societies..Homosexuality is a complex subject with varied reasons, well)

Monday, November 26, 2012

The extremely agreeable woman with no personal personality

These women are extermely agreeable, and take upon the personality of the male sexual partner they are with...and they have NO REAL AUTHENTIC PERSONALITY OF THEIR OWN.
The moment they divorce the old husband or BF and get with a new boy, they funnily take upon the personality and opinions of the new boyfriend...
NO personality of their own there...This might make them seem very agreeable and EASY for LOSER MEN to want to be with.Ya know, the kind of men who feel threatened by anything that is NOT easy and NOT usable(...but then..even easy gets boring after sometime..... )
The reason why these women are so agreeable is because all through their childhoods they have been brought up by parents who directly and indirectly make it known to them that THEY DON'T MATTER, THEIR ORIGINAL OPINIONS DON'T MATTER, THEM HAVING AN OPINION IS A HINDRANCE,
These girls are often taught via subliminal messages that Their main role in life as female children is to be a 'PRINCESS" (WTF?) and they just need to keep sucking up to the dad by being the  "daddy's girl"
These women grow up into idiot adolescents with no personal life goals other than "making some lucky man very happy someday" and do they? NO
They end up emotionally confused and extremely disconnected to their surrounding which sometimes can come across as being pleasant and agreeable

Intensity of damage

then incur on other people by their selfish,petty actions.
They are just so caught up in their own needs,their petty selfish needs driven by greed and a warped up state of mind that they FAIL TO IDENTIFY THE DAMAGE they are inflicting on their victim


This is as much a SELF HELP blog for myself as it is for others like Mr.U and many of you readers who have PANIC ATTACKS..All of us have and will panic at one point of time or another..

Some of us might do it MORE OFTEN than others.

In my INFORMED OPINION(me being a physician and all),Panic attacks are DEFINITELY NOT A MENTAL DISORDER.
Though , when I studied in MED SCHOOL I noted  they do describe it as an ALTERATION FROM A NORMAL  Behavioral RESPONSE TO A SITUATION..

What is "NORMAL" anyways, I ask!

Psychiatry idealistically expects all HUMANS TO BE CLONES...
We are all not clones and therefore we must all be allowed our behavioural quirks,if you may!

So yeah, I wrote an article way back in December 2010.
An article about my new year resolutions back then.
After writing it in a frenzy, I didn't PUBLISH it on the blog.I just published it a few hours ago after suddenly accidentally spotting it in one of my draft files..

If you want to read the WHOLE NY RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011 article(which btw is VERY VERY LONG)look in my RAMBLE BLOG archives to spot it..

When I re-read it last night, I realized that some of the paragraphs in that blog entry could easily qualify as a separate blog entry on this ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG.
HENCE, A partial REPOST is warranted for my psychology/psychiatry article enthusiasts here on this blog
Here goes the repost bit
I have this tendency to make impulsive decisions during that half hour of panic attack and then after that panic attack tides, I still have to abide by those impulsive decisions I made  during the panic attack and /or , track back on those ideas  which is a big big big waste of time.
One impulsive thing I often times do during panic attacks is EMAIL old bfs or try calling family...Trust me, in a panic attack, NOTHING HELPS except yourself consciously TIDING IT OVER CALMLY.

Search This Blog

Blog Archive-OLD IS away!

This is an AD-FREE blog.

My Email Address

There is a dot between CONTACT and LECINQBLOG

About Me

My photo
My Blog DOESN'T HAVE AN RSS feed.Due to that reason newer entries will NOT be automatically updated on your feeds or other Bookmarking or Reader applications. If you wish to be informed each time a new blog entry is added to my blog Please EMAIL me with a request, so that I can add your email to my POSTING LIST.Please mention the NAME OF THE BLOG you wish to be updated about. I write Five different blogs which you can sample by clicking on links placed on top of this blog page

I write this blog in English.TRANSLATE IT into your native language for easy comprehension

Popular Posts

Site Meter