Paranoid about the unknown-a good or a bad thing

paranoid about something unknown?
it could just be a manifestation of your inner fears compounded by your inner insecurities.
inner fears laced with bad past experiences.
much like, ONCE BITTER TWICE SHY.

sometimes i meet NEW PEOPLE.I like them and then i start talking to them and they haven't yet had a chance to know me at all.
and yet some of their reactions to me are weird and then i spend hours trying to figure out what i said or did that caused them to react so strangely..almost as if they already knew me and what they already knew for sure was something they disapproved of

and trust me, THE MORE PEOPLE KNOW ME , THE MORE THEY LIKE ME.it doesn't happen the other way round..

that is when i realized that when you meet STRANGERS and they give you strange funny reactions, it has got more to do with THEIR OWN PAST independant of you and your personality..

ONE BIG LESSON LEARNED AT THE AGE OF 35 NOW IS that when you have done nothing wrong to someone and yet they behave is a weird fashion with you almost as if you did something to them, it has mostly got to do with them.THEIR OWN LIFE, THEIR OWN PAST EXPERIENCES, THEIR OWN PERSONALITY AND THEMSELVES AND NOT YOU...

point in question?
people online almost PROJECT THEIR OWN FEARS onto every anyonymous blog or anonymous twitter account they see.

I already have stalker problems for years now due to VARIOUS GROUPS OF PEOPLE FROM VARIOUS SITUATIONS independantly stalking me or judging me or FUNNILY INTERPRETE MY BLOG ENTRIES IN A TWISTED MANNER because they assume that anyone anonymous MUST BE someone they have had a recent fight with...

STRANGE THAT...
i have never personally had arguments or fights with anyone in THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD EVER...except mr.green
AND HE IS A JACKASS-AN ALMOST FIFTY YEAR OLD JACKASS....who himself knows that he was the liar and what he did to me was really really really really unforgivable..
he knows that.we discussed stuff after our great fight in 2011 and we went our own ways...END OF STORY..

BESIDES HIM, i have NEVER HAD FIGHTS WITH ANYONE EVER..
so, it beats me as to why SO MANY PEOPLE JUST LATCH ON TO ANY ANONYMOUS BLOG THEY FIND AND ASSUME IT IS SOMEONE THEY KNOW...
GOSH!
too much baggage and too much paranoia...and hundred percent of these people I DON'T KNOW, I HAVE NEVER INTERACTED WITH THEM OFFLINE OR ONLINE..

i do only three things on the net-blog on blogspot, tweet on twitter and email for work or blogs...
and that is about it...

i have friends who use facebook or instagram or tumblr and coz of my friends , i go there to see their photos when they tweet about them..

and I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE A YOUTUBE ACCOUNT...duh..i am private enough NOT to want to post pictures on the net..how on earth am i going to post videos?
mainly got to do with safety issues, coz , as a doctor , I SEE atleast fifty or more patients a day..
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHO MY PATIENTS ARE GOING TO BE EACH DAY AND i don't have time to look up to see if my patients are internet bullies or internet stalkers..
and the only thing i have under my control is TO NOT POST PRIVATE INFO OR PRIVATE PHOTOS OF MYSELF.
mostly, coz, i don't want crazy stalkers appearing at my doorstep or at my hospital wanting me to treat them....
so, JUST COZ I HAVE AN ANONYMOUS BLOG doesn't mean everyone can take the liberty to just ASSUME that i am someone whom they just had a fight with..

there are billions of people on this earth and so many of us DO HAVE ANONYMOUS BLOGS OR TWITTER IDS...that doesn't mean that WE ARE SOMEONE YOU KNOW OR SOMEONE YOU FOUGHT WITH...

on a basic level every human talks the same and feels the same and it might also happen that in your mental anguished distorted delusional state, anything i say or discuss might look like a topic the person who you think i am might discuss.
BUT TRUST ME, i am not anyone you know...
GEEZUS..the paranoid delusional mania and reactionary behavior thereof..
THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME atleast four time in the 17 years i have been blogging...
GET OVER IT ALREADY....I AM NOT ANYONE YOU KNOW...
geezus...crazy folks..and their crazy delusions...

equal male and female strippers

UNLESS each stripclub has an EQUAL number of MALE and FEMALE
strippers, it should be deemed GENDER abusive and closed
down..........................................
Infact, the whole concept of strip clubs is emotionally abusive to the strip teaser.
The concept of ONE PERSON stripping in front of another person who just sits there fully clothed, just coz the viewer is the payer and the strip teaser is the poverty stricken person in need of money, MAKE THIS WHOLE ACT, sexually SKEWED AND ABUSIVE....
weird version of sexuality...and  is more about control and exercise of power using money power..
THUS, even if there were equal number of male and female strip clubs..THE WHOLE CONCEPT STILL IS EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY ABUSIVE and thus has to BE DONE AWAY WITH..close down all strip clubs..for the sake of human rights.
Tags:strip_club,vegas_strip,gender_equality,striptease

No common language of communication in the marriage?

I mean, you both don't even have a COMMON COMFORTABLE LANGUAGE OF
COMMUNICATION..
That says a lot about what you think of a relationship.
Apparently there is no need to even share ideas in your marriage?
Just share a bed,, giggle and fuck and eat together and that is it?
what a drab situation indeed
tags:language,meaningless,marriage

Intensity of damage

I think that Monsters are REALLY UNAWARE OF THE INTENSITY OF DAMAGE
then incur on other people by their selfish,petty actions.
They are just so caught up in their own needs,their petty selfish needs driven by greed and a warped up state of mind that they FAIL TO IDENTIFY THE DAMAGE they are inflicting on their victim
Tags:Psychology,psychiatry,abuse,abusers,oblivious

Because that is what I thought I deserved

I saw this OPRAH show episode from last year 2010, this episode on this certain  Miss USA who became miss usa and then was later found out to have been addicted to or having used  various pain killers and other drugs  all through the competition and also for many years before that.
When the story first broke out in the media, and when Donald trump took a lot of flak for having her continue as Miss USA inspite of widespread opposition to his decision to let her continue as Miss USA, given the fact that they were knowingly allowing a drug addict to continue do her job as Miss USA, I just let it pass as yet another media sensational story..
It is only after the Oprah interview, that I suddenly paid attention to this whole issue.
Something that this Miss USA girl said during the course of that interview, struck with me for long after i switched off the TV..needless, had to come back and share it on my blog
I usually share PSYCHOLOGY stuff on my Antidote-to-anger blog..So here goes.(if you want to read my other blogs,,look for the top of my blog homepage,,i have links to my other four blogs there)

The girl describes one episode from her teenage years, which struck a personal chord with me(disclaimer, I have never ever taken drugs..ever..but see, the desperate feeling that that is what is you deserve ..is a familiar feeling many teenagers feel, so yeah)
===========================
SHE SAYS AND I QUOTE:
"""" At one party, we were all drinking and i pretended to be MORE WASTED than I actually was so that I could get out of the party sooner.There was this guy, who thought that i was really as wasted as i was pretending to be and so he lifted me and carried me to his car..All along the way to his car, I was fully conscious and was aware of what he was doing and what he was possibly planning to do to me while i was super wasted, but yet, I just pretended that i was wasted..He took me to the car and raped me while i continued to pretend i was wasted.I wasn't really wasted, I could have protested or protected myself, escaped, resisted.But I just lay there and let him do what he wanted to do..I just continued to pretend to be wasted and let him rape me.I DID THAT BECAUSE IN MY HEAD I SUBCONSCIOUSLY FIGURED THAT THAT IS WHAT I DESERVED..."
UNQUOTE
=================
Then the girl started crying on the oprah interview.
I will tell you why i relate to this.

BEFORE YOU READ FURTHER.PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT TRY TO BE COCKY OR TOOT MY OWN HORN..just stating a situation .please bear with my self praise that follows
I am super talented..I am fully aware of that.totally,I am a doctor.I am good looking. I speak many languages.I do my own home repairs.I am generally loved by my patients and i make friends easily. I am a very very kind and a nice person.My IQ test reports are very high score.I inspire many people each day.I get so many thank yous from friends and strangers alike.I am very talented.I dance , I sing, I paint, I am sporty, I can run 8 miles and not blink..IN SHORT..I am fantastic..I am great..I AM PROUD THAT I AM SO TALENTED TOO..not arrogant..but confident and proud and thankful.
YET..all through my childhood and teen years.I had to take a lot of flak from people because they were nasty to me for the sole reason that THEY FELT THREATENED BY ME or felt like they paled in comparison to me so they had to tarnish my image to make themselves feel better..TRUST ME,bullying out of sheer jealously happens a lot of times in schools and colleges,much more than you can imagine..Many talented people get singled out and harrassed for the sole reason that they are smarter or talented than the rest.I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM of that all through school and college.
So, this kind of harrasment has ALTERED MY PSYCHE in a manner where on many occasions, I have underplayed my talents..
Instead of being confident.I would dumb down the way i speak just to fit in a group of young people who are nothing but mediocre..LEST THEY GET JEALOUS AND THEN START HARRASSING ME .ya know.
so yeah...
and I have no idea why,but INSPITE OF BEING SO TALENTED,I choose the MOST RETARTED, MOST TWISTED, MOST INADEQUATE FLAWED PERSONALITIES TO DATE
A lot of remarkable men ask me out..I will analyze them and will refuse a date if there is a logical reason of possible future incompatibility.I AM PICKY when good men ask me out..then finally,after being very picky, I will then finally go pick up a PROJECT for myself..
By "project" I mean,someone who is a LOT OF WORK to be with,a very damaged, very downtrodden person intellectually, a very unattractive or average looking person, a very unethical person or unkind selfish immature person and then want to have a relationship with them
WONDER WHY I DO that :((( ..truly..such a person WILL NOT EMOTIONALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY FULFIL ME.I am so so smart..yet..why do I do that?
Do I do it to make msyelf feel like a SAINT..who is unselfish and is only having a relationship with somebody out of sheer kindness?
Do I do it because I LIKE THE CHALLENGE? like,I want the mental and emotional challenge of having to deal with an INCONVENIENT INCOMPATIBLE relationship, to see how smart I am.to actually turn it all around and make it work?
or
DO I DO IT COZ I THINK SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND >>> THAT IS WHAT I DESERVE?
please feel free to leave comments or email me (email on profile/about me section) or tweet me...I want feedback.

FOOL

See the picture below and notedown the very first word you notice in that picture

I was reading Jason's blog the other day and he had posted a blog entry dated December 21, 2010 titled Secrets  and had asked all of us to reblog this to our own blogspot friends and readers..Much like a blog meme
THE FIRST WORD I SAW IN THIS PICTURE WAS
FOOL
Judging from the title of jason's blog, I think, the first word that he spotted was SECRETS
Anyways , WHAT I THINK IS,All these blog meme quizzes are more for entertainment value and  are for "knowing more about each other via questionnaire"   rather than holding any REAL actual scientific value to ALLOW to psychoanalyze you based on your likes and dislikes.Doing that would make the mind matter far too simple to defragment, no?
However,, this "spot the first word you see" is based on a particular psychoanalytical technique which is scientifically RELEVANT,which is why I post this blog entry in my "ANTIDOTE TO ANGER" blog which deals with psychology,and sociology on a regular basis("not-so-regular basis" as it appears off late.LOL)
See, let me break this test down for you
All of us have thoughts each day
We think about this and that and many such things as the hours in a day pass by.
Many thoughts that we have at any given time are often associated with issues happening right there and then to us, and some issues are there at the back of our mind and there are  also even more pressing issues that we are secretly racking our brains with too.
So, when a picture with many multiple hidden words in presented like a SUDOKU puzzle to us,our mind tends to spot what interests us most at that given point and what interests us most is what is already in our subconscious mind right then
So,the word we spot is essentially an indicator of what might be preoccupying our head just right then
We tend to notice things we already are thinking of subconsciously,more so than even see things that might actually be there .Our minds haven't really thought about that possibility CONSCIOUSLY though!
we see what we think we see or what we assume we must see or what we expect to see
We see what we already have formulated in our head ..
Anyways..
So,why perhaps did I chose the word FOOL?
Just before going to that blog entry,I was kinda thinking of "what an emotional fool I was" and just to take my mind off things, went to browse jason's blog and then it baffled me when the first word I spotted was FOOL...
Quickly I went to read if everyone else also had spotted FOOL first.
Scientific psychoanalysis must rule out FALSE POSITIVES..(JUST can't TAKE THE SCIENTIST DOCTOR OUT OF ME)

In some MENTALIST exercises,certain cards or words are deliberately designed in such a way that everyone will end up noticing the very same thing  first...So,I just wanted to rule out that this puzzle card wasn't some MENTALIST GIMMICK
Thus, when a magician asks you flip through a magazine and remember one page., the MAGIC the magazine is designed in such a  pattern or manner, that eventually, one page is more prominent than others,,very subtly so, and thus all of us end up registering the very same thing. and so when the magician reveals the words you made a mental note of,you think it is magic..but it is really NOT
This is how many CARD TRICKS that appear regularly on those " mind-game-magic-shows" happen on TV too
Anyways, coming back to this test,I just had to rule out that this picture was not yet another cleverly designed magic trick
It wasn't
I was relieved to find that others had spotted other words..So, this is not a eye trick kinda test...so indeedy...this was a mind reader test..
cool.:)))

And i spotted FOOL
blah...bleeeehhhh..LOL

Old people and botox--Self loathing?

what would make a 40 yr old person think that they can deal with poking needles in their face just so that there are no wrinkles on their face?
Why are 40 yr old women so so eager to not have wrinkles on their face?
Do they have such disrespect for their "old" selves?Why are they so hesistant to be proud of their age?
Is it because they associate youth with attention?
Whose attention are they seeking? The people who pay attention to only taut skin?
So,it looks like , these people disregard their own comfort and are only viewing themselves as tools of visual pleasure for other people?
And how come their self esteem is only based on a wrinkleless skin?
Is there nothing else to back their personality?
So,did they spend their whole life time only basing their self esteem on being a person with a desirable wrinkleless skin and nothing else?
perhaps.
Perhaps their appearance was the only thing they think is worthy enough of notice in their personality.
Wanting to look younger and healthy is one thing...but just poking yourself with needless in a desperate attempt to not have wrinkles is another.

wrinkles are CREASES...they are places on the skin where FOLDS exist, to facilitate movement .
WRINKLES are functional places  on the skin!
Places on our body ,that move a lot will develop creases around them just to have enough loose skin to accomdote bending and movement,for eg, like the eyes,which blink every few seconds and the mouth which moves a lot during eating and talking .
so,having WRINKLES is normal,it is part of normal anatomy.

I think youth lies in attitude.The more worthy you feel about yourself and your mind, the more likely the youthfulness shows on the face.
If you have done enough in your life ,you are confident,and when you are self assured your body language demonstrates it.

I just have a note for women who look like masks with no expression on their faces..That mask kinda gives away the insecurity.. the desperation.The botox mask face says, "like me like me because I don't like myself and I base my self esteem on you looking at me like an object of letch"

The botox stiffenned face kinda makes you look like a sad old woman/man wanting other people to look at it and look at that taut maks like face as visual stimulus..hmmmmmm

Why are wrinkles so bad? hmmmmm..Isn't one suppossed to have achieved something worthy of being proud of by the time the wrinkles appear so that there is a fall back cushion of achievement to fall back on?Where is the self confidence?

Either ways,good looks are NOT YOUR OWN DOING ever.They are just a product of a genetic lottery that happens during gamete fusion.
so,really,in my opinion,people who place a lot confidence in themselves because they look good are only taking credit for nature's miracles when their parents copulated...Go find something to be proud of that is YOUR OWN DOING...

Why do people gossip?

well ! because for one , it so satisfying for them to sit there and judge other people, it feels better to be the one judging that being the one to be judging and what better way to do that than gossip about them behind the back.After all, if you talk to them to their face, half of the gossip talk will turn out to be false..so, yeah, gossiping behind someone's back is the best way . Isn't it?
I really stay away from gossipping coz idle talk gives me a headache.Unfortunately for me, a lot of others don't .
I think people gossip when they don't have topics of conversation .They are like, Hey, Hello and then decide that gossiping about a third person instead of about each other is the best way to pass off some time.
Meanwhile, gossipping is another technique for revenge and spreading rumors too esp if the third person you are talking about is better than you and not part of the conversation.Makes it easy to say an shite you want and no one is there to defend themselves .
Gossiping also comes from insecurity or jealousy.
Finally, yes gossiping comes out of idleness.
Inshort, people need to start doing productive things rather than sit around and gossip.Seriously, come on, get something productive to do so that you can feel better about yourself .hmmmm.That way you can pass of the time doing good things and at the same time also feed good enough about yourself that you won't need to resort to gossipping to put someone else down inorder to feel good about yourself.

What causes anger?

I think anger mostly stems from this inability to do anything to correct a situation which causes distress and this may be anything from oppressive parents or an oppressive spouse on whom you are financially dependant .It Could be anything or anyone from whom you feel you have no choice to get away from...That helplessness when compounded from repeat occurance of the same distress gets bottled up in anger and if this anger is not unbottled in a conscious manner by assessing and acknowledging the actual cause of distress, it might end up causing a change in personality pattern.
I have seen quite a few people who are abused by their parents who end being the same worthless parent that caused them such distress.I have see this relative of mine..All her life , she was treated like dirt at her home by her mother and now she is a parent and she herself ends up behaving the same nasty way with her own daughter.Hmmmm.I would think she would actually make an effort to be different..but i think sometimes people are like that...Prolly this is the only chance in life she is getting to talk down to someone or to control someone else's life...and she is knocking herself out...the hapless child..hmmm

The wrong reason to want to be a parent

5/29/08 7:15 AM

Sometimes, i look at parents and it makes me mad.
They are so unfit to be parents.
To me, parenting is a noble job , a job of great honor and responsibility.
I find it silly when i see parents who just almost seem to enjoy ordering their kids around.They like to roll their eyes and stifle their tone and set rules for the children just coz it make them feel like they are a somebody with subordinates whom they can control and order around and the sad part is that these subordinates(unlike subordinates in a work situation) that they are bossing around are so tiny that they can't even quit their job and run away from this tyranny.
There are these other group of parents who just want a barbie doll..They like this daily chore of bathing and clothing this lil baby .These parents scare me the most.I mean, the barbie doll of their's is going to to grow up in a year or two and what then are they going to do then? People need to understand that children have their own personality, they deserve to be treated with respect too. And yeah, if you lie a lot in your daily life and then set hard and fast rules your children not to lie to you, trust me, they will end up liars just like you anyways.
CHILDREN LEARN BY EMULATION.SO, SET A GOOD EXAMPLE

The Trouble with NOT being an Average Jane !

5/12/08 2:11 AM

There is a lot of trouble that one faces for not being the Average Jane.
So much trouble, that it distresses me.

A not so good looking person would perhaps think each day that ," Hey !Had I been a lot more good looking than i am, I would have accomplished a lot more things easier !"

I go, Hmmmmm.....
A not so intelligent person would perhaps think each day in class or at work ," Hey ! Had I been more intelligent than i am , I would have had a much easier time than i am having right now !"

I go, Hmmm.......

Now ,Now..Ask me all about How much more difficult it is to be good looking and Intelligent and have it all easy.

In today's time, It appears that You are liked less if you are not as nasty as the next person.
In today's time, It appears that you are liked less if you are perhaps more good looking than the average person at work or in class or even at home.
In today's time, It appears that you are liked less if you are smarter than the rest of them there.

As a person who stands out(unfortunately for my own bad !) in the crowd and

As a person who works hard for what she strives to achieve,

As a person who has the talent to back up that hardwork,

As a person who believes in not being nasty and

As a person who won't bittttc h around ,

As a person who IS proud about the fact that i am blessed with a more than average I.Q,

IT WOULD BE NATURAL TO assume that i would have it easy in life.

Easy, My foot !

ON THE CONTRARY , I THINK that the very fact I am perhaps all of the above makes it more difficult for me.

The main reason for this would probably be because of the changes today's society has undergone.

The demorgraphic changes .Ya know !

A lot of 'non-productive-negative-bashing' takes places in every arena.There is no respect for real talent anymore.All because , the majority of the population had ended up being this lazy ass group of people with a lot of bottled up anger.

WHEN YOU BELONG TO THE 1% OF MINORITY OF HAPPY PEOPLE TRYING TO SURVIVE AMONGST THE REST OF THE RESENTFUL BITTER 99% ANGRY PEOPLE..NO MATTER HOW TALENTED OR GOOD LOOKING OR NICE OR NOT SO NASTY YOU ARE ,,YOU JUST CAN'T SURVIVE.WHY?

cOZ , MAJORITY RULES !

The majority of the population seems to be reeling under this wave of insecurity and nastiness compounded by such levels of mediocricity that when eventually a person who is more accomplished that them comes their way, That person ends up being harrassed and targeted and made to almost feel sorry for being better than them.The mediocre pieces of shite seem to be ruling the roost nowadays.

These less enterprising people must stop harrassing others who work hard to achieve what they do achieve and instead spend their energies on making themselves better to match up to these others that are nasty to.But instead of doing something productive, all they want is , for the more intelligent ones to be as sad and as nasty and as pathetic as themselves. All in an attempt to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Trust me , moaning and bitchhhhing and dirty politics and idle gossip and mudslinging is going to not make you feel better about yourself.You know you are nasty and that knowledge of that truth won't allow to make yourself feel better.

All i am disheartened now is about the fact that the majority now consists of pathetic losers(just had to use this term) -

THE PATHETIC LOSERS

Losers who have no real single person they can trust,

The majority of losers who are not trustworthy themselves,

The majority of losers who have no respect for someone else's talent,

The majority of losers who won't care to make themselves good enough ,

just good enough so that each time they see someone else who is capable and talented they won't feel insecure to such an extent that they will resort to dirty politics.

I am sick and tired of being singled out and targeted all coz the bitchhhh group feels insecure that they pale out in comparison ...

MORAL OF THE STORY ?
Killing the competition by unethical means won't cut it buddies(buddies? Blah !)

LIVE UP TO THE COMPETITION.

MAKE YOURSELF BETTER.

MAKE YOURSELF WORTHY.