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Saturday, November 12, 2011

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Monday, October 31, 2011

Same begets same-change the pattern to avoid usual sources of anger

Copyright(c)2009 Lecinqblog.Please do not reproduce without permission from Author.
Some things and people and situations may not work for us in life.They might be anxiety inducing,anger inducing and sadness inducing.The best solution for such UNCHANGEABLE source of anger is to just get away from the source.Unfortunately for many of us, the source of anxiety or sadness are sometimes people very close to us, like our own spouse or family or people at work.Most of us just can't quit out jobs or disown our families...and thus, choose to continue to expose ourselves to the constant source of anxiety induction...
So...this is where the adage SAME BEGETS SAME..comes into play...
So many people who probably get healthy both mentally and physically ,once they are REMOVED FROM THEIR USUAL ANXIETY INDUCING SITUATIONS...tend to go back into their depressive selves once they RE-INTRODUCE THEMSELVES  TO THEIR USUAL ENVIRONMENT.
This is why, so many people who go to a rehab center and seem to apparently do so well in terms of recovery while at the REHAB center...tend to RELAPSE..once they are out of the rehab center and back to their usual selves...and their usual life where they RE-EXPOSE themselves to their old sources of anger and anxiety.
What I am trying to get at here is , So many of us have an INNATE PERSONALITY...and when certain other people in our lives who are have an UNCHANGEABLE PERSONALITY TRAIT of their own that CONFLICTS WITH OUR OWN...no matter , how many times we go try to reconcile and try to change things..PROBLEMS WILL RECUR..They will keep recurring ...till either one party COMPLETELY EMOTIONALLY DETACHES ITSELF AND BECOME STOIC AND DOESN'T REACT ...OR BOTH PARTIES DO SO..much like a lot of couples who continue to stay married but are barely emotionally connected on any level at all...or people who hate their families , yet religiously go attend every thanksgiving and christmas dinner...
Which is why, DIVORCES ARE GOOD...QUITTING JOBS WE DONT' LIKE IS A GREAT IDEA..but,what about parents who completely are incompatible with their children...We can't disown our parents and just walk off like nothing happened, right?parents can't forget their kids and abandon them and walk off(though i have seen so many parents abandon their young needy children for most part)We only have one set of parents and that is it ..right?So yeah.....My point here is....Some people and their innate characteristics are UNCHANGEABLE..and when such unchangeable traits in certain people instantly and undeniably cause you anxiety...the best option is to WALK AWAY AND NOT TRY TO RECONCILE..COZ RE-EXPOSURE TO THE SAME PERSON ,ONLY WILL INDUCE THE SAME INNATE REACTION IN YOU...same reaps same

Friday, October 28, 2011

Screaming at your mother constantly pointing out her shortcomings-how useful is that?

Copyright(c)2009 Lecinqblog.Please do not reproduce without permission from Author.

I am Visiting parents....constant occurance In my home these days...While I am screaming at my own mom in one room.(while my mom stands there listening to my repeated criticisms of her and how she failed as a parent),at around the same time my dad is screaming at his mom in another room of the same house..My dad's mom is 95 yrs old...mind it.....the old lady is getting screamed at by her son...LOL..seriously...NEED THIS BE HAPPENING..he is complaining about how bad a parent she is..LOL..no really..he is 65 years old
MORAL OF THE STORY?
1/we all are defined by our childhood experiences on a thousand different levels..
2/we expect our mom to be a WONDERWOMAN..anything short of us , always disappoints us
3/Screaming doesn't help anyone ever...or maybe it does, to vent.., to put a point across..maybe it works on some level..but there are better methods...maybe..maybe not..NOT SURE ABOUT THIS POINT
4/For some reason...mothers go on a guilt trip much more often than the fathers..so ,it is easier to make them cry with our screaming about how bad a parent they have been ...IS THIS SOCIAL CONDITIONING that makes us all expect more from moms than dads? is it social conditioning that ABSOLVES the dads of an equal responsibility in parenting?(topic for another blog entry)
5/btw..RIGHT NOW i AM WEARING A TSHIRT..THAT SAYs.."DON'T GET ANGRY, GET INVOLVED"
6/We are all children ..we all become kids once in front of our own parents...

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Just have no time to get angry!

Copyright(c)2009 Lecinqblog.Please do not reproduce without permission from Author.

NOT LETTING THE ANGER BE FELT
Sometimes it helps to be so super busy,so much so  that, there is no time for emotions to sprout up.
I am not sure if this is a LONG TERM SOLUTION though, because , when people don't end up having time to FEEL ANGRY about things that bother them on a day to day basis, though the anger will not outwardly manifests itself and in that process of being dormant it NUMBS you into believing that you NEVER GET ANGRY ...The anger does bottle up somewhere deep and then ONE FINE DAY..it bursts out.

Having said that ,the best SHORT TERM MANAGEMENT OF ANGER OR FEAR OR PANIC could be ,to MAKE YOURSELF SO BUSY that you have no time to LET THE ANGER OR SADNESS HIT YOU.
SHORT TERM FEAR MANAGEMENT can work the same way.
The more time you spend each day thinking over the fears, the more they occupy your head and GRIP you into submission.
Sometimes,choosing ample distractions can help deal with anger or fear .They help tide over those short phases of intense panic or fear.
By "distractions" I mean, harmless distractions like
a/music,or
b/painting or something creative that takes your mind off fear
c/ hard labor like carpentry or home improvement projects
d/a walk in the park,
e/sleep
f/Seeking to talk to someone that cares for you is a great idea .But then, having said that..when you have a REPEATED PANIC situation, it helps to HELP YOURSELF by talking to yourself, rather than keep bothering other people to help you out.POSITIVE AUTOSUGGESTION HELPS MUCH MORE than anything else.

In the past four months...or rather past "all years of my life"..there have been phases when I have worn out DEAR ONES by repeatedly calling them or seeking out their time to listen to me panic over and over...This method never worked..not for them,not for me.The whole thing was a wasted effort.
Only in phases, where I chose to not call anyone at all, sit there quietly, calm myself down BY MY OWN EFFORT, TALK TO MYSELF..has this fear and panic come under control.

Also, being super busy, SOMETIMES just doesn't allow me to get angry .Helps me tide over some IMPENDING fear attacks.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Revisiting a Four year old ghost-Revisiting a HABIT that was


I call them the "ghost".



People who die, but stay on, linger on.Not that this person died..I just stopped letting them into my world anymore.I completely lost contact and coversation with this person...I shut them out..I  broke out.Finally...too late...the harm was done.



For many many months starting feb 2007 ,almost till may of 2007, all I did was, talk to myself in anger while washing dishes at how much i let this person help me become a dysfunctional shadow of the real me..I ceased being myself with them and funnily, they stopped being themselves while with me.It was bad for both, yet we both continued on and on and on, on the path of mutually destructive and self destructive co existence.All because both of us were slaves of HABIT,scared to move out and walk out and snap out and let it go.We lingered and ruined ourselves and each other in the process..No strength to say NO to each other...Just that OLD HABIT...that old face..whom we longer really like to see even, yet find stangely comforting because it is a familiar face..SLAVES OF FAMILIARITY.
I have seen people spend a lifetime with people they barely really know..except that they live under the same roof, share groceries, fuck mindlessly in the night occasionally,,,and just EXIST...not LIVE..butjust exist..ALL because they are afraid to BREAK OUT OF A HABIT....
Hmmmmm...The interaction lasted a month and few more days...destroyed both us all over again, same patterns,,same outcomes...same same same..same same same same..same..whoa....
I lost credibility in my own eyes...All the four years of pride that i finally broke out of a habit....came down crashing...No pride..Now the pride needs to get rebuilt...again...another four years...seriously..hmmmm.seriously..what was I thinking?

Friday, April 22, 2011

Because that is what I thought I deserved

I saw this OPRAH show episode from last year 2010, this episode on this certain  Miss USA who became miss usa and then was later found out to have been addicted to or having used  various pain killers and other drugs  all through the competition and also for many years before that.
When the story first broke out in the media, and when Donald trump took a lot of flak for having her continue as Miss USA inspite of widespread opposition to his decision to let her continue as Miss USA, given the fact that they were knowingly allowing a drug addict to continue do her job as Miss USA, I just let it pass as yet another media sensational story..
It is only after the Oprah interview, that I suddenly paid attention to this whole issue.
Something that this Miss USA girl said during the course of that interview, struck with me for long after i switched off the TV..needless, had to come back and share it on my blog
I usually share PSYCHOLOGY stuff on my Antidote-to-anger blog..So here goes.(if you want to read my other blogs,,look for the top of my blog homepage,,i have links to my other four blogs there)

The girl describes one episode from her teenage years, which struck a personal chord with me(disclaimer, I have never ever taken drugs..ever..but see, the desperate feeling that that is what is you deserve ..is a familiar feeling many teenagers feel, so yeah)
===========================
SHE SAYS AND I QUOTE:
"""" At one party, we were all drinking and i pretended to be MORE WASTED than I actually was so that I could get out of the party sooner.There was this guy, who thought that i was really as wasted as i was pretending to be and so he lifted me and carried me to his car..All along the way to his car, I was fully conscious and was aware of what he was doing and what he was possibly planning to do to me while i was super wasted, but yet, I just pretended that i was wasted..He took me to the car and raped me while i continued to pretend i was wasted.I wasn't really wasted, I could have protested or protected myself, escaped, resisted.But I just lay there and let him do what he wanted to do..I just continued to pretend to be wasted and let him rape me.I DID THAT BECAUSE IN MY HEAD I SUBCONSCIOUSLY FIGURED THAT THAT IS WHAT I DESERVED..."
UNQUOTE
=================
Then the girl started crying on the oprah interview.
I will tell you why i relate to this.

BEFORE YOU READ FURTHER.PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT TRY TO BE COCKY OR TOOT MY OWN HORN..just stating a situation .please bear with my self praise that follows
I am super talented..I am fully aware of that.totally,I am a doctor.I am good looking. I speak many languages.I do my own home repairs.I am generally loved by my patients and i make friends easily. I am a very very kind and a nice person.My IQ test reports are very high score.I inspire many people each day.I get so many thank yous from friends and strangers alike.I am very talented.I dance , I sing, I paint, I am sporty, I can run 8 miles and not blink..IN SHORT..I am fantastic..I am great..I AM PROUD THAT I AM SO TALENTED TOO..not arrogant..but confident and proud and thankful.
YET..all through my childhood and teen years.I had to take a lot of flak from people because they were nasty to me for the sole reason that THEY FELT THREATENED BY ME or felt like they paled in comparison to me so they had to tarnish my image to make themselves feel better..TRUST ME,bullying out of sheer jealously happens a lot of times in schools and colleges,much more than you can imagine..Many talented people get singled out and harrassed for the sole reason that they are smarter or talented than the rest.I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM of that all through school and college.
So, this kind of harrasment has ALTERED MY PSYCHE in a manner where on many occasions, I have underplayed my talents..
Instead of being confident.I would dumb down the way i speak just to fit in a group of young people who are nothing but mediocre..LEST THEY GET JEALOUS AND THEN START HARRASSING ME .ya know.
so yeah...
and I have no idea why,but INSPITE OF BEING SO TALENTED,I choose the MOST RETARTED, MOST TWISTED, MOST INADEQUATE FLAWED PERSONALITIES TO DATE
A lot of remarkable men ask me out..I will analyze them and will refuse a date if there is a logical reason of possible future incompatibility.I AM PICKY when good men ask me out..then finally,after being very picky, I will then finally go pick up a PROJECT for myself..
By "project" I mean,someone who is a LOT OF WORK to be with,a very damaged, very downtrodden person intellectually, a very unattractive or average looking person, a very unethical person or unkind selfish immature person and then want to have a relationship with them
WONDER WHY I DO that :((( ..truly..such a person WILL NOT EMOTIONALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY FULFIL ME.I am so so smart..yet..why do I do that?
Do I do it to make msyelf feel like a SAINT..who is unselfish and is only having a relationship with somebody out of sheer kindness?
Do I do it because I LIKE THE CHALLENGE? like,I want the mental and emotional challenge of having to deal with an INCONVENIENT INCOMPATIBLE relationship, to see how smart I am.to actually turn it all around and make it work?
or
DO I DO IT COZ I THINK SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND >>> THAT IS WHAT I DESERVE?
please feel free to leave comments or email me (email on profile/about me section) or tweet me...I want feedback.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

About kicking the dog and passing the buck of abuse to someone else-exploring domestic abuse-PART 1

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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LET US START WITH

"KICKING THE DOG" SYNDROME!

First of all,dogs are adult animals of another species.

THEY ARE ADULTS.they don't require TAKING CARE OF unless you deliberately create limiting situations for them to a point where you then need to "help" then and "take"care of them.

More about pets and companion animals in my "ecology and health blog" (look it up at the top of this page),where I WILL EXTENSIVELY deal with this topic.

Here I am just using this phrase "kicking the dog" as an ANALOGY to explain human tendencies in terms of TRANSFERING ANGER ONTO HELPLESS SUBJECTS who have no role in causing them that anger.

You often see severely abused children ,who feel powerless in size and otherwise compared to their big sized adult parents whom they depend on for food and shelter,often look at the DOG OF THE FAMILY as lower than them and thus as a target.
Everytime they are subjected to abuse,they go and kick the dog,because the dog looks like an easy target.and it is human tendency to find a way to empty the anger we evoke in ourselves.

Just for once, let us think of this scenario where the adult dog with its sharp canines decides to stop being the 'LOYAL'  PET and decides to retaliate to everyone who kicks it,then surely the kid will learn never to repeat that kind of behavior..Because, then,the kid starts to see the dog not as an easy target but as a powerful animal capable to biting you back.

So,in short, MOST PEOPLE WON'T DARE PHYSICALLY ATTACK someone whom THEY ARE SURE WILL GIVE THEM BACK IN GOOD MEASURE!

Again,that is another seperate concept in psychiatry and will be discussed in another blog entry.

IN SHORT,

No person will go and try kicking and beating up

a/ a large giant who will crush you physicially

b/someone who is in a position of power and

c/someone who is viewed as having the capacity to retaliate.


For now,let us just MOVE on to the NEXT TOPIC on hand and talk about TRANSFER OF ANGER TO HAPLESS TARGETS.
I will also briefly discuss domestic abuse in this context.

DOMESTIC ABUSE

Most cases of domestic abuse happen because the victim is VIEWED either subconciously or consciously BY THE ABUSER as a weak and easy target,someone who cannot or will not retaliate .

Sometimes,domestic abuse is portrayed as some kind of action done in thoughtless rage and is tagged as something done is utter anger without PREMEDITATION.
THAT IS NOT TRUE.
It is very much PRE-MEDITATED on a subconscious level...sometimes ,even the abuser hasn't realized it...but their action sequence proves it.

a/What domestic abuse often times IS, is  a TRANSFER OF ANGER that has been bottled up from other sources outside of the immediate person who the abuser is inflicting domestic abuse on..

b/yes,sometimes,it is also the very person who the abuser is beating up at home mercilessly,who has caused the abuser to bottle up a lot of subliminal emotional abuse  on a long term basis,till one day the soon to be domestic abuser stops being the nice person or victim of cleverly constructed familial emotional abuses and retaliates in MONSTEROUS  physical WAYS!

Both emotional abuse and physical abuse are equally damaging and equally non-productive and well,they are BOTH ABUSIVE PATTERNS and need to be done away with.


Again,by mentioning the above two reasons or causes of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, I AM NOT justifying domestic abuse.there is NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HARMING A FELLOW HUMAN BEING.ever!

I am only exploring the right causes,so that we can then proceed to prescribe apt solutions..solutions that will actually work to curb the rampant familial domestic violence that we get to see in our societies all over the world!

When you see the statistics,So many cases of  reported or unrepoted domestic abuse seem to be happening on women!
why?
because society teaches us that women are biologically weaker..

The truth of the matter is,
WOMEN ARE BIOLOGICALLY STRONGER...

a/THEIR LEGS AND ARMS ARE STRONGER,

b/they are physiologically capable of undergoing mindboggling physiological changes over nine months of pregnancy,tear their vagina to give birth to kids,convert their own body fat to make breast milk and YET NOT BLINK ANY EYE and get ready to do it all over again and again, till they exhaust their ovaries over a lifetime which I HOPE is richer by things they do other than just breeding..

c/They have enough body reserves in their body by virtue of their body make up to survive longer periods of food shortage and thus in terms of survival capacity too ,they beat men !



I AM A 35 YEAR OF FEMALE PHYSICIAN and I INSIST,

women are biologically designed by nature to be STRONGER AND TOUGHER IN THE BODY AND MIND..coz they have a very tough job designed for them to partake of biologically!

women are both BIOLOGICALLY STRONGER AND BIOLOGICALLY SUPERIOR because they contribute more genetic material to the fetus and also have more genetic material in each cell of their own body because they need those extra genes to perform extra biological functions that men CAN'T PERFORM even if they want to..

But then,chauninistic religions instituted around 2000 years ago,WERE DESIGNED SCHEMATICALLY to steal the superior position of women by DRILLING CHAUVINISTIC ILLOGICAL SENSELESS IDEAS INTO SOCIETY AFTER SOCIETY ,till a point has come in human history,where most socieities all over the world now FOLLOW THAT ILLOGICAL CHAUVINISTIC PRACTICE OF SOCIALLY AND SCHEMATICALLY MAKING GIRLS AND WOMEN POWERLESS right from birth to death.

These chauvinistic religions also teach everyone that women are somehow the weaker sex...WHAT THE f***?

I took so long to explain this historical context of the weaker sex and stronger sex because,WE ARE WHAT WE BELIEVE..

If male kids are made to believe that they are stronger than female kids, they believe it and THEY ACT UPON THAT FALSE BELIEF.

The belief may not be accurate,but since they believe it is true, they act upon it..and once they act upon inflicting PHYSICAL DAMAGE TO A FELLOW HUMAN BEING,,the violation is DONE..
THE DIRTY DEED OF DAMAGE IS DONE...

What I am trying to say here is,,a man goes around taking a lot of shit from fellow men all day..and he DOESN'T RETALIATE,because he is SOCIALLY TAUGHT TO VIEW THEM AS STRONG AND EQUAL, and once you view someone as strong and equal or even stronger than you,THEN you don't ATTEMPT TO ATTACK THEM...and
yOU ONLY ATTACK SOMEONE whom you THINK, you can control and beat!

Most men are  just as physically weak as their fellow women of equal height and weight..

Infact, on a experiment  was conducted by a SCIENCE mag tv channel to find out who had the strongest boxing punch.
A FEMALE MANAGED TO PROVE SCIENTIFICALLY THAT SHE HAD the strongest punch in comparison to a man of corresponding weight and height and it was simultaneously discovered that the FORCE OF A PUNCH has got to do much with technique more than anything and also the pressure that is applied per square area where pressure is attempted to be applied.

As far as I know, none of the men are super men..if they get beaten up by another man,they get injured too just like a woman might get injured.
If two men beat up one man ,that single person is surely gonna take a beating,just like a single women getting attacked by multiple humans might...
So,women being the weaker sex is just a CLEVERLY PLANTED PROPOGANDA by the chauvinistic religions in at attempt to grab power

Here I am also simultaneously trying to cover the sociological aspects of domestic violence while trying to explain the core anger principles behind it.

Again,coming back to  physical abuse versus emotional abuse in domestic violence...
Maybe,I will deal with that in another blog entry,coz ,this one has already gotten just too long.

===================================================

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Tags: #domestic_violence , #weaker_sex , #stronger_sex, #chauvinism , #feminism , #physical_violence_at_home , # anger, #anger_transfer , # passing_on_anger_to_hapless_targets, #sociological_causes_of_domestic_violence , #historical_causes_of_domestic_violence , #religious_causes_of_domestic_violence , #are_women_the_weaker_sex , #are_men_the weaker_sex , #gender_dynamics , #gender_equality , # mind_power , #sociology , #gender_sensitization , #gender_issues_in_society



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