Dogs are not children, Children are not dogs-Pets and selfishness

Well, This blog is about what makes me angry. This blog is also about psychology behind human behavior. This blog is also about tips to deal with anger.
Dogs and dogs, Children are children.
I get severely angry at people who have dogs because they want to be entertained or those that want to feel bigger and important and feel loved and in control and those that want someone begging them for food and someone that they can order around.
You know what, sometimes people have children for the above mentioned reasons. You know, sometimes people want to have children for the sole reason that they can have someone smaller than them that will need them for basic needs like food and clothing and thus they can go around ordering the kid to sit and stand and what not and sometimes people have kids so that they can feel like this bigger person in control and want to misle this constant need of their children as love .
In short, many immature people have either dogs or even kids for very selfish reasons, reason that satisfy them and them alone. Such parents are totally worthless .
In my opinion any animals doesn't deserve to be a pet. Every animal in the human kingdom that was naturally born will be able to fend for itself and even hunt for its own food. It is a natural instinct. No animal in this world is built in a way to be happy in an enclosure or to be chained or belted or to live in small spaces. Dogs run faster than a human, they are prefectly capable of going for your neck and killing you .So being a better hunter and a true carnivore they are perfectly above you in the food chain so to speak. I mean, You toilet train a dog or a cat coz you don't want your house dirty. But you know what, why must a dog in the wild, first go through the torture of living in stupidly small houses designed for humans and then on top of that need to get toilet trained at that? Why? They would not need toilet training if they were not forced to live in homes that are clearly designed for human purposes . Yeah, the horror of getting male dogs sterlized and female dogs splayed. What the hell is with that ? The horror of pet stores. seriously.
We try to have pets for our own selfish needs of loneliness where we want to feel not alone. The dogs don';t want it , the cats don't want , the fish don't want it..They are free human being. They run faster than we can. They can jump over walls in a jiffy. fish in the sea travel thousands of miles during breeding season. And yet the horror of first of all confining these animals in closed spaces and then teaching them tricks in exchange of food , VVery cruel. Look at it this way. You take a woman, put her in a room. feed her, then impregnate her against her will and then sell her female babies to someoneelse, who then again ties her up in a room and then feeds her regularly, and toilet trains her and such and then again, bargains tricks for food? how would that look? Huh?
Yeah, on the other hand, I have seen many a parent who force their kids to do this and this coz that is what they would like as a parent, Very cruel.They dress them a certain way . I have seen parent bring their 3 yr old girls to the swimming pool dressed in a two piece bikini, Seriously, This is a child. She is going to take another ten years before she gets boobs, so please stop dressing her in a bikini like that. Sometimes parents are so eager to show off their babies as eye candy to others. Ya know, teach them lil things to say or do which are suppossedly cute in the eyes of adults. No Madam, your child is not a dog.
Also, I mean, someone says, " I don't want children. I have my dogs." Gosh, to such people, first off, Children and dogs are not the same. Dogs belong in the wild. Children a symbol of love. Neither one of them is here to perform your tricks or act like trophies.
Thank you very much for reading this to the end. Most people don't like a mirror to their life.They like living in denial.

Why do men leave you after having a baby ?

Okay, this is not me asking this question. Someone actually sent in this query. So ,of course, I decided to keep their request. But then, since I am a physician and have read my fair deal of psychiatry and behavioral science at med school, I am kinda equipped to answer this question for ya.I figured that my other usual readers might like to know the answer to this question as well.

The literal question that they asked was
" Why do men have a child with you and then leave you ?"
Anyways, MY ANSWER :

                                              First off, this is a sad situation to be in, if at all anyone is in this situation. Coz, you are viewing the whole situation is , Someone LEFT me , rather than viewing it as , The relationship just didn't WORK FOR THEM.
                                Look at this way.If they really want to be with you, they would,yeah?simple and clear.If they don't want to be, there obviously is a reason(right or wrong is not the point.They just don't want to be with you in the key )
                                     You are subconsciously viewing this situation as a personal failure, as if something was not adequate in you coz of which this person left you. Such a inadvertent self blame leads to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

                              My first advice would be, please understand that people do things  mostly because of  who THEY are , even more than whom they are reacting to . The way people respond to a situation has got to do more about the person's past experiences than even the situation itself. It is all relative perception.

                                       Okay, well, perhaps this person typed this question out as a general query keeping in mind a stereotype in certain communities where men have sex with you and then as soon you are are pregnant or you have their child, they give up and walk way from the relationship.
                                             I have seen this a lot in Brazilian and South American communities where the spread of AIDS has been rampant mainly because of men impregnating and walking out and the harm of multiple sex partners etc.Such walking out on pregnant partners is very common in other countries of low standards of living-Carribean, African countries (most of them ) ..So, yeah poverty is one big reason too.
                     A child does cost a lot to bring up and the guy just fears the monetary ramifications and runs away..All because, biologically he can run away from the fetus he took part to create.That in one  biological ramification of being male..I am sure if the pregnant female could somehow run away from the unwanted fetus she would too.But that is the topic of a whole other blog entry.

                                   Coming back to the present topic of why men leave after impregnating a female,
more.

                                         I really don't like stereotyping to explain human behavior. Each of us are so unique  in that>>We would be doing a ton of injustice if we tagged all male behavior into one and all female behavior into one. So most stereotyping is inaccurate . yeah, sometimes people deliberately try to conform to common stereotypes so that they can be called normal. You know, like these social rules where they say>This is what men are supposed to do and since i am a male, i better behave the same way they say I am supposed to behave or else, i am going to be called weird.

So , anyways, a guy has a child with a woman, they he leaves her/ why do you think that happens?
                                              First off, no matter what the situation has been that had led to the birth of the child, someone walking out of a relationship even after having a child says that they really don't feel the connection with the woman to want to stay with her , the child withstanding.
                                  This can happen
a/if the pregnancy was unexpected,
b/had happened due to failure of contraception or
c/if the woman had the child in spite of his wishes of continuing the pregnancy or
d/she told him that she was using contraception but wasn't actually taking any precautions and now he feels stuck with a child he didn't want to have in the first place.

                      Many people try to use a pregnancy as a emotional tactic to force a man to stay with them. well, having said all that, now that a child is already born, if the guy is a generally responsible parent , he would rather prefer to stay in the relationship just for the child. But if he is a little panicky or feels highly betrayed that he is very very angry and sees himself as a victim, then the anger goes beyond parental instincts.Then he might want to get out of it just to prove a point that he cannot be duped into a a relationship just due to a pregnancy.

Now, all of the above explanations are only for a pregnancy that was not planned.

There are so many cases where couples get married or otherwise, see their relationship going downhill once a child is born.
                           Sometimes people meticulously plan a pregnancy and have a child but after they have the child, they start bickering about who will change the diapers and who will feed the baby and such. It gets bitter and bitter as arguments continue this way.
                                  Often, a time of pregnancy or the time period when the mom is breastfeeding, she is most vulnerable, since of course she is the one breastfeeding at all odd hours no matter what and she is the one going through all the biological changes no matter how supportive the spouse is,.
                                           At the end of the day the mom might feel like she is doing much more than the husband in terms of child care. When women feel like a victim they get quite emotional and might bring up the issue with the husband and then again arguments might sprout up .
                                      In such a case , since the guy is not biologically undergoing any change , as in, he is not carrying the baby physically, it is easy for him to walk out even. IN a fit of anger, some men do walk out just coz they can .
                          As in, they are not carrying the baby and they can escape out of it at the peak of frustration. Such a walking out is truly representative of the fact that the father of this child is irresponsible in someway. And also because it is possible for him to walk away much unlike a pregnant woman who is in her advanced pregnancy and she is frustrated too but just can't walk way coz she is carrying the baby. It is all about biology and physiology.
                                         Also , sometimes, people don't think hard about what having a child entails. They make eager immature decisions to have a child and actually not mentally equipped or prepared to be a good parent and in such a situation, they end up repenting after having the child and most likely since they can't send the child back into the vagina, just do some resentful style of parenting.

                                In such situations too , men walk way quick , first off , they are scared and irresponsible and well, biologically since they are not breastfeeding they use that as a lame excuse for not taking custody of the child .
                                               So , for all the woman who want to have a child with a man.
a/Please take you time.
b/Both men and women need to actively use contraception till the time that both man and woman are very eager to become parents.
c/If one person forces or emotionally blackmails another person into a pregnancy , then the results of such parenting are going to be forced and resentful and disastrous.
d/Don't use pregnancy as a tool to ensure that someone will stay with you forever.
Since, I think everyone deserves to be with someone who doesn't need to be forced to be with them.

Won't you want a partner who wants to willingly stay with you even without a pregnancy rather than someone who is irritated each day that you tricked them into staying with you?


Also,
a/children are not a joke,
b/They are not your personal tools to use against your spouse. Please don't drag them into family feuds with your spouse, brainwashing them and forcing the children to take sides and such. Please leave them out of the fights.


Well, last word,

Men first have children and then leave you , coz,
a/ possibly they don't feel the love anymore with you or
b/because they are irresponsible parents who are scared of responsibilities as  a parent or
c/the stress of parenting has taken a toll on the relationship or
d/he never loved you in the first place,and the child was the last straw that tipped the scales
e/ the pregnancy was accidental or
f/he doubts it is not his child or
g/he loves the child but doesn't want to be with you anymore.
There are a lot of scenarios and therefore let us not stereotype behavior.
I hope this answers your question.

Humor as an attempt to forget or hide the anger

You know what they say about Stand up comedians. They say that some of the most comic stand ups are from people who have dark troubled often alcohol laces lives. True perhaps.
I have also sometimes noticed that excessive goofing around is a coping mechanism amongst personalities that are highly distressed and troubled. It is like , they chose humor as a tangent to shoot off from the circle of distress breeding more distress. WEll, they joke and joke about everything . always laughing.
Does such humor projection work to heal? I am not sure. It is like burying a ugly little hydra under the mud and dancing over it frantically hoping that the hydra won't come out.
What would be better is to deal with the cause of the anger and then try and correct the situation that is causing this constant anger rather than hide it under the garb of humor.
Anyways, gotta go now. I like watching stand up comedy though.