Dysfunctional relationships as a cause of SHOPPING ADDICTION and HOARDING!

Okay! when you are born to a generous dad who decides to give you tons of spending money coz he is so proud his dearest daughter got into MED SCHOOL, you end up having too many shoes in med school.why? and how?let me tell you the story now

I used to buy one pair of shoes every week(okay,once every three weeks to be very accurate.LOL.Once a week is just too much even by bored spendthrift standards!).

(on retrospect , I think I USED to do that coz I WAS with a guy who was "kinda" my boyfriend by the default rule that we hung out together a lot.WE were so incompatible that I kinda shut myself out OF anything he had to say by actually at point of our acquaintance asking him NOT TO SHARE HIS PERSONAL STUFF TOO MUCH with me anymore..WHY ON earth did I DO THAT?

Well, for one, by the third date, I REALIZED that he was VERY FAKE, as in , THE FRONT HE WAS PUTTING UP for me to see, was not the real him..
From my visit to his home, I GATHERED that he had a lot of secrets, a lot of skeletons in the cupboard(which btw, as time went on I found out or figured out and then I REELED IN SHOCK at those shocking secrets of his and then I went into a deep depressive mode for years TILL I FINALLY BROKE UP WITH HIM..I was shocked and appaled and scared to even break up with him for the longest time.I WAS SHOCKED INTO inaction and ended up  FREEZING time in my head.really!)

And around that same time , like I already stated, I also realized that WHATEVER he told me WAS HIS CLEVER MANIPULATIVE VERSION of his side of the story...WHICH WERE ALL REALLY FAR FROM THE ACTUAL TRUTH of what actually happened.

In short, HE WAS A BROKEN, DAMAGED confused guy .
I figured..I CAN SAVE MYSELF THE STRESS of knowing all the disturbing shit, by simply REFUSING to listen to the manipulative banter altogether.

NO POINT..ya know..

I HAVE THIS TENDENCY to completely shut myself out of conversations from people WHO distress me with their dishonesty! I hate small talk too.

So,yeah, coming back to the shoes, well, since WE HAD NO REAL CONVERSATIONS anymore since i SHUT MYSELF OUT of him, we spent most of our dates each day, just walking down shopping malls/streets and sit at a cafe, with me and a medical textbook or me nervously bantering about the nasty people at the dorm and such mainly coz someone had to fill the silences..AND given that he was bitter that I WON'T LET HIM SHARE HIS STORIES(all cleverly put stories of his), he sat there, not really listening, but just all glazed out..passive aggressive behavior from his part.

he was much like an au pair for my trips to the shopping mall.

I didn't like shopping malls or cafes either,but since, he no longer wanted me visiting his home (coz , i started asking too many questions about his lifestyle I suppose),we really had no place to meet after college..
Given that i hated him so much and given how incompatible we were,Why were we still meeting up? For one, HE HAD NO GUTS TO JUST BREAK UP ..and I was too shocked to take any action.

NEITHER OF US WANTED the relationship ANYMORE..i suppose, but we went on and on with it ..LIKE IDIOTS who had no value for time  and as if ,we deserved to punish ourselves with a dysfunctional,non-productive,destructive relationship.

Amidst all the silences and resentment and passive aggressive non-involvment from his side,IT would get all boring ,what with the NON COMMUNCATION and bitter silences and what not, that I WOULD end up shopping for no reason ..FOR THINGS I REALLY I didn't NEED or care about to begin with.
SHOES come into the picture.maybe handbags,books and dresses figured somewhere there too on the list.

sO,EACH DAY,i kept meeting this guy,whom, right from the second date,I HATED WITH ALL MY HEART, and yet,I just went on and on with it and in the process LOST OUT a lot, and also kept BUYING AND HOARDING STUFF??

Finally,after med school,I FINALLY BROKE UP WITH HIM ONE DAY.

and funnily,I soon stopped compulsive shopping too..
.I REALLY WAS NEVER A PATHOLOGICAL SHOPPER before i met him and I WENT BACK TO MY ORIGINAL happy self once i broke up with him.

That really told me as to how UNHAPPY he made me feel in life,so much to a point where i started developing unhealthy habits of compulsive shopping and such!

Where am i going with this blog article?

So,people,if you see yourself compuslively SHOPPING for things you don't need or compulsively running after materialistic things like shoes,perfumes and handbags,it is time to LOOK AT YOUR OWN LIFE WITH ALL HONESTY, to see if the relationships you have with people around you are distressing you in some way or if there is some emptiness in your heart or disappointments about yourself which you are trying to compensate by HOARDING STUFF.

Same begets same-change the pattern to avoid usual sources of anger

Copyright(c)2009 Lecinqblog.Please do not reproduce without permission from Author.
Some things and people and situations may not work for us in life.They might be anxiety inducing,anger inducing and sadness inducing.The best solution for such UNCHANGEABLE source of anger is to just get away from the source.Unfortunately for many of us, the source of anxiety or sadness are sometimes people very close to us, like our own spouse or family or people at work.Most of us just can't quit out jobs or disown our families...and thus, choose to continue to expose ourselves to the constant source of anxiety induction...
So...this is where the adage SAME BEGETS SAME..comes into play...
So many people who probably get healthy both mentally and physically ,once they are REMOVED FROM THEIR USUAL ANXIETY INDUCING SITUATIONS...tend to go back into their depressive selves once they RE-INTRODUCE THEMSELVES  TO THEIR USUAL ENVIRONMENT.
This is why, so many people who go to a rehab center and seem to apparently do so well in terms of recovery while at the REHAB center...tend to RELAPSE..once they are out of the rehab center and back to their usual selves...and their usual life where they RE-EXPOSE themselves to their old sources of anger and anxiety.
What I am trying to get at here is , So many of us have an INNATE PERSONALITY...and when certain other people in our lives who are have an UNCHANGEABLE PERSONALITY TRAIT of their own that CONFLICTS WITH OUR OWN...no matter , how many times we go try to reconcile and try to change things..PROBLEMS WILL RECUR..They will keep recurring ...till either one party COMPLETELY EMOTIONALLY DETACHES ITSELF AND BECOME STOIC AND DOESN'T REACT ...OR BOTH PARTIES DO SO..much like a lot of couples who continue to stay married but are barely emotionally connected on any level at all...or people who hate their families , yet religiously go attend every thanksgiving and christmas dinner...
Which is why, DIVORCES ARE GOOD...QUITTING JOBS WE DONT' LIKE IS A GREAT IDEA..but,what about parents who completely are incompatible with their children...We can't disown our parents and just walk off like nothing happened, right?parents can't forget their kids and abandon them and walk off(though i have seen so many parents abandon their young needy children for most part)We only have one set of parents and that is it ..right?So yeah.....My point here is....Some people and their innate characteristics are UNCHANGEABLE..and when such unchangeable traits in certain people instantly and undeniably cause you anxiety...the best option is to WALK AWAY AND NOT TRY TO RECONCILE..COZ RE-EXPOSURE TO THE SAME PERSON ,ONLY WILL INDUCE THE SAME INNATE REACTION IN YOU...same reaps same