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Saturday, February 23, 2013

Dysfunctional relationships as a cause of SHOPPING ADDICTION and HOARDING!

Okay! when you are born to a generous dad who decides to give you tons of spending money coz he is so proud his dearest daughter got into MED SCHOOL, you end up having too many shoes in med school.why? and how?let me tell you the story now

I used to buy one pair of shoes every week(okay,once every three weeks to be very accurate.LOL.Once a week is just too much even by bored spendthrift standards!).

(on retrospect , I think I USED to do that coz I WAS with a guy who was "kinda" my boyfriend by the default rule that we hung out together a lot.WE were so incompatible that I kinda shut myself out OF anything he had to say by actually at point of our acquaintance asking him NOT TO SHARE HIS PERSONAL STUFF TOO MUCH with me anymore..WHY ON earth did I DO THAT?

Well, for one, by the third date, I REALIZED that he was VERY FAKE, as in , THE FRONT HE WAS PUTTING UP for me to see, was not the real him..
From my visit to his home, I GATHERED that he had a lot of secrets, a lot of skeletons in the cupboard(which btw, as time went on I found out or figured out and then I REELED IN SHOCK at those shocking secrets of his and then I went into a deep depressive mode for years TILL I FINALLY BROKE UP WITH HIM..I was shocked and appaled and scared to even break up with him for the longest time.I WAS SHOCKED INTO inaction and ended up  FREEZING time in my head.really!)

And around that same time , like I already stated, I also realized that WHATEVER he told me WAS HIS CLEVER MANIPULATIVE VERSION of his side of the story...WHICH WERE ALL REALLY FAR FROM THE ACTUAL TRUTH of what actually happened.

In short, HE WAS A BROKEN, DAMAGED confused guy .
I figured..I CAN SAVE MYSELF THE STRESS of knowing all the disturbing shit, by simply REFUSING to listen to the manipulative banter altogether.

NO POINT..ya know..

I HAVE THIS TENDENCY to completely shut myself out of conversations from people WHO distress me with their dishonesty! I hate small talk too.

So,yeah, coming back to the shoes, well, since WE HAD NO REAL CONVERSATIONS anymore since i SHUT MYSELF OUT of him, we spent most of our dates each day, just walking down shopping malls/streets and sit at a cafe, with me and a medical textbook or me nervously bantering about the nasty people at the dorm and such mainly coz someone had to fill the silences..AND given that he was bitter that I WON'T LET HIM SHARE HIS STORIES(all cleverly put stories of his), he sat there, not really listening, but just all glazed out..passive aggressive behavior from his part.

he was much like an au pair for my trips to the shopping mall.

I didn't like shopping malls or cafes either,but since, he no longer wanted me visiting his home (coz , i started asking too many questions about his lifestyle I suppose),we really had no place to meet after college..
Given that i hated him so much and given how incompatible we were,Why were we still meeting up? For one, HE HAD NO GUTS TO JUST BREAK UP ..and I was too shocked to take any action.

NEITHER OF US WANTED the relationship ANYMORE..i suppose, but we went on and on with it ..LIKE IDIOTS who had no value for time  and as if ,we deserved to punish ourselves with a dysfunctional,non-productive,destructive relationship.

Amidst all the silences and resentment and passive aggressive non-involvment from his side,IT would get all boring ,what with the NON COMMUNCATION and bitter silences and what not, that I WOULD end up shopping for no reason ..FOR THINGS I REALLY I didn't NEED or care about to begin with.
SHOES come into the picture.maybe handbags,books and dresses figured somewhere there too on the list.

sO,EACH DAY,i kept meeting this guy,whom, right from the second date,I HATED WITH ALL MY HEART, and yet,I just went on and on with it and in the process LOST OUT a lot, and also kept BUYING AND HOARDING STUFF??

Finally,after med school,I FINALLY BROKE UP WITH HIM ONE DAY.

and funnily,I soon stopped compulsive shopping too..
.I REALLY WAS NEVER A PATHOLOGICAL SHOPPER before i met him and I WENT BACK TO MY ORIGINAL happy self once i broke up with him.

That really told me as to how UNHAPPY he made me feel in life,so much to a point where i started developing unhealthy habits of compulsive shopping and such!

Where am i going with this blog article?

So,people,if you see yourself compuslively SHOPPING for things you don't need or compulsively running after materialistic things like shoes,perfumes and handbags,it is time to LOOK AT YOUR OWN LIFE WITH ALL HONESTY, to see if the relationships you have with people around you are distressing you in some way or if there is some emptiness in your heart or disappointments about yourself which you are trying to compensate by HOARDING STUFF.

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