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Thursday, December 27, 2012

About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About being a target of gossip and scrutiny-MY MED SCHOOL STORIES-July 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U


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Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.





So, yeah.I know it is distressing when you are constantly under the public eye all the time.

This constant scrutiny can alter one's real style and personality. This kind of curiosity guided harrassement happens at all levels.

I know this, coz ,all mylife, no matter where i have gone, I have always stood out and have,just by my thoughts and actions, always inadvertantly seperated myself from the crowd ,though not deliberately .

I have always been the target of gossip and constant scrutiny due to me being different from them.This had always baffled me for the longest time.I used to wonder why they notice me and remember me even if it was only once that i must have talked to them.

So yeah, when i first started med school,I stayed at the dorm , k,.(my first time when i would have had to live with fellow students).Earlier to that, it had always been that, i could use the home time as my healing time where i could spend private time away from the public eye, rejuvenating.

So, the first year at the dorm, i had a very difficult time dealing with people who would just be after my case for no reason ,except that I am the smart one who is good at what I do and they are for some reason angry that I dont give up or I dont resort to being nasty like them.

For the first year, i was baffled at why people are nasty to me even if i had not done anything to them.In the long run i have learned that it is lonely at the top and people are nasty not in reciprocation to anything i did to them(infact even my niceness used to make them more angry and more nasty-which shocked me ) but due to the fact that they are so insecure and jealous and just out of uncontrollabe jealousy they would be nasty to such unfathomable extents that it can hurt you and your personality.

I have faced it all my life, though not at humungous levels like you are right now, but then, the gist of the harrasment is the same , only the scale escalates as your arena expands.

Each and every place i go ,i have learned that i have to deal with the fact that i will always be the outsider amidst all the untalented people who want to get it all with minimum talent.

people are greedy and mediocre like that.

I get angry each time i see talentless people who are nasty to boot.I can feel ya.

I can empathize each time they target you and try to label you coz i have faced it too, ofcourse on a lesser scale than what you are facing right now.It has changed me as a person wherein i have sometimes not done things for fear of the has changed me as a person , made me a little more paranoid too.

I can see how all this xxx attention must make you want to think twice before doing things or saying things because they rip everything you say into things that they were not meant to be.I have faced that.Trust happens at all levels..happens all the time.

the world is filled with a majority of greedy talenteless people who don't get originality.

they get angry at it and try to attack things and people that make them feel small or inadequate just by their sheer talent and originality.

Your coping mechanism and the things you say remind me of how i reacted when i first went to medical school and I just didnt know how to react to the unexplained hostility from people who i barely knew yet was nice to.

I went into distress mode coz i didnt understand why they hated me.

Afterall i was actually being nice , was trying to work hard and was a good student .it is almost like they wanted to make me feel sorry that i was good looking and smart at the same time.They just needed me to lose out on something so that they could rejoice and feel a little pacified

Now after a decade, Now i know that nasty people should never be talked to , they dont even deserve a reaction .They need to just be ignored and they must be let to squalour in their insecurities.The nasty shit will never change coz they are what they are ..nasty shit.



MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

THIS email is by far one of my very very "concerned" emails that i sent to him..coz, i have literally seen the transformation from what he was in 2003 to what he became by 2008...

so, yeah,I could see a lot of myself in him in 2003 and could see a lot of myself each time i see him struggling with the common,petty thought process of others around him and ofcourse i had to sympathize and tell him NOT TO CHANGE ..pccccch..i feel sad for the kid on some days...even today...

Even till today, he will vocalize and repeat that advice aloud when asked about other people's reactions to him..I am like, "good job on memorizing what i tried to drill into you in 2008.this advice is my gift to you for life"

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