About running away from him,feeling lonely,perfect moments,conservation-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U
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Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.
EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL
START OF EXCERPT
DONT CHANGE...you have changed very drastically in the year or two... if you change any bit more....i am not sure ..i will not be able to relate to you in the way i used to .. i have no focking idea..may be i still will..but in a different way...may i will just run away and never think of you ever...may be not..anyways..coming back to the point
Don't be lost... dont' be affected by others.. sometimes ...when you are not introspecting...the people around you take over..you cannot let that happen.
.you were born different...you need to conserve that .... not many people around us are like you and me...we are destined to feel really alone for most part.. one cannot help it..k>?
I just wish i could really speak to you in person RIGHT NOW..but off late..i have come to dread that meeting..when i will meet you and somehow you will not be the person i imagined you to be...you would perhaps disappoint me... where else then will i look for solace?..
I often in my momens of frustation and loneliness ..kinda think of you as one other person who is like me...who perhaps has to deal with the price one pays for trying to do what one exactly believes one must do ....and if i meet you in person one day and then speak to you and find you not that good enough afteraall...won't i feel even more lonely?
At 29... i feel like i have wasted so much of my own resource waiting for perfect mooments to let things known....i feel lonely..and i am going to feel even more lonely ..if you ...if you XXXXXX CHANGE TOO..K?
END OF EXCERPT
MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!
When I READ the email over and over I REALIZED that i had quite a COMFORT LEVEL WITH HIM back then in 2008...That comfort level has almost vanished by 2012...I think a thousand times before even emailing him nowadays..a big sign of a DRIFT.
..I prolly last emailed him 2 years ago(I was almost on the verge of writing him an email this week as I read all my old emails to him, but I truly and honestly mustn't engage with him anymore..Isn't 9 years of wasting time not enough already?
Just like I mention in that 2008 email , the time has truly come for me to just run away and never think of him ever..sigh.....hmmmmmmmm..Actually I think I did send him some message on tumblr in july and since then I have been thinking about him and me and how stupid I have been and How he truly IS NOT THE ONE FOR ME....and such..This blogging spree about Mr.U is also an exercise to try and purge him out of my system before I attempt to NEVER contact him again...Maybe ten years down the line....we would be TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE....sad but true
BTW. speaking of RUNNING AWAY AND HIDING FROM PEOPLE, i wrote a very similar letter about RUNNING AWAY TO mr.green as well,,VERY recently...hmmmm...
once i develop a DRift FROM people, I DESPERATELY feel the NEED to run away and hide from them forever.anyways,MOVING ON.