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Thursday, April 3, 2014

The "retiring into conch shell" syndrome to survive and continue in dysfunctional relationships

I am going to use my own story and my relationship with mr.black(my
med school boyfriend back then), to explain this principle of how
people are shell shocked to even react fast in an extremely
UNREWARDING RELATIONSHIP and get out of it fast enough to prevent
themselves from getting damaged.

most people stay long enough and not react by getting out of an
unrewarding relationship and continue in it till it damages them in
some way..


here goes my story.
Just read and understand or apply to your own context if you are
currently in such a similar situation:

story starts>>>>>

AT ONE POINT, quite early in our acquaintance, I REALIZED MR BLACK was
a fraud and a "can of worms"..

AND all i had to do was to stop reeling in shock and just walk away..

for some reason, MY MIND NEVER LET ME FEEL LIKE i could walk away..

FOR SOME REASON, i wanted to stay with him and dwell in misery like
that each day..

ON DAYS,I would look at his face and almost want to SLAP HIM, that is
how much of anger i was bottling up.

IT IS ONLY WHEN YOU ARE UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED WITH THE OTHER PERSON'S
PERSONALITY OR UTTERLY DEJECTED OR UTTERLY SHOCKED IN DISBELIEF AT
WHAT A NASTY MONSTER THEY ARE, that you subconcsiously decide to
retire into your own shell,
the safety of it and
SHUT OUT ALL THE NOISE
and then continue days on and on with this person you utterly hate..

FUNNILY, many women or men might stay in such relationships coz there
is some catch...
many housewives stay in such relationships coz they are financially
dependant on such a person,
many men stay with bad women coz they fear that they will lose half
their money if they divorce their wife whom they utterly hate..

so, always, when people know that the person they are with is a
monster and yet they stay on , THERE IS A CATCH..

i had no catch..
HE WASN'T HANDSOME ,
THE SEX SUCKED COZ I HATED HIM AND I HATED HIS EVERY TOUCH AND
funnily,after hating him so much,

sex was the only way i could resolve any conflict i had with him
and conflicts were always present
coz he was such a fraud and there were conflicts everday
and everyday I would try to make it all feel better by having sex a
nd then I HATED MYSELF FOR HAVING SEX WITH HIM ,

AND he had this funny belief that he was SOMEHOW doing me some favor
and making me feel better by giving me sex..

anyways, where i was , YEAH, there was no catch..

HE GAVE ME NOTHING ..and yet for some reason, I WAS AFRAID TO WALK OUT...

no one stays like that in relationships which don't give them anything..

there was nothing stopping me from leaving either, no threat of any
physical danger much like some women or men for that matter
face...they fear that this women or man they are leaving might harm
them later..

he would have pretty much left me alone had i walked out of that relationship.

SO,WHY DID I SAY AND LINGER IN THAT FILTH till fnally I LOST MYSELF
AND AFTER SIX YEARS,I LOST MY MARBLES TOO...

hmmmm
that is what ROBIN NORWOOD explains in her book called WOMEN WHO LOVE
TOO MUCH...

which is why,I STILL HAVEN'T READ THAT "RECOVERY PLAN" SHE SUGGESTS,
coz first off, i want to test water my behavior with men AFTER HAVING
READ ALL other CHAPTERS she wrote in that book ,citing case examples
of women and men in dysfunctioanl relationships and but yet not
having read the recovery plan.

AND THEN, after test the waters a bit, I will come back, read the case
histories again and then , finally when i know i am prepared to CROSS
THAT THRESHhOLD, i will read the "recovery plan" chapters...

i have to ,, have to.

Tags: #disconnected_behavior_in_dysfunctional_relationships , #anger,
#psychology , #psychiatry , #relationships #too_shocked_to_react
#mr_black #mr_green #mr_purple #dysfunctional_relationships #family
#escapism #daydreaming_to_escape_pain #pain

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