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Robin Norwood guidelines for identifying WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH
1/Typically,you come from a dysfunctional home in which YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS WERE NOT MET.
2/Having received little real nurturing yourself,you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a care-giver,especially to men who appear ,in some way,needy.
3/Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm,loving caretaker(s) you longed for,you respond deeply to the familiar type of EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN whom you can again try to change through your love.
4/Terrified of abandonment,you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.
5/Almost nothing is too much trouble,takes too much time ,or is too expensive if it will "help" the man you are involved with.
6/ACCUSTOMED TO LACK OF LOVE IN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ,you are WILLING TO WAIT,HOPE and try harder to please
7/You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the RESPONSIBILITY,guilt,and blame in any relationship.
8/Your self-esteem is critically low ,and deep inside YOU DO NOT BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.Rather ,you believe you must EARN the right to enjoy life.
9/You have a desperate need to control your menand your relationships,having experienced LITTLE SECURITY IN CHILDHOOD.,You MASK your efforts to control people and situations as "BEING HELPFUL"
10/In a relationship,you are much more in touch with your dream OF HOW IT COULD BE than with the REALITY OF THE SITUATION.
11/You are addicted to men and to emotional pain.
12/You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs,alcohol and /or certain foods,particularly sugary ones.
13/By being drawn to PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS THAT NEED FIXING,or by being enmeshed in situations that are CHAOTIC,UNCERTAIN,AND EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL,you AVOID FOCUSING ON YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF.
14/You may have a tendency towards episodes of depression,which you try to FORESTALL through the EXCITEMENT PROVIDED BY AN UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIP.
15/You are not attracted to men who are kind,stable,reliable and interested in you .You find such "nice" men boring.
Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes,women_who_love_too_much,book_review,11days300pages,love,desire,romance,women,Guidelines to identify women who love too much
I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.
I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?
Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .
The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
The name of the publishers ?
POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.
They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.
This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.
I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.
MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?
Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.
IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.
To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?
pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.
Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!
having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.
This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?