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Robin norwood's quote about DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ,THEIR DEFINITION AND HOW and WHY THEY FAIL
What all unhealthy families have in common is their inability to discuss root problems.There may be other problems that are discussed,often ad nauseum ,but these often cover up the underlying secrets that make the family dysfunctional.
A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY is one in which members play rigid roles and in which communication is severely restricted to statements that fit these roles.
Members ARE NOT FREE to express a full range of experiences,wants,needs and feelings,but rather must limit themselves to playing that part which accomodates those played by other family members.
Roles operate in all families,BUT,as circumstances change,the members must also change and adapt in order for the family to continue to remain healthy. The kind of mothering or fathering for a one year old is highly INAPPROPRIATE for a thirteen year old and the parenting role MUST ALTER TO ACCOMODATE REALITY.
In dysfunctional families,major aspects of reality are denied,and roles remain rigid.
When no one can discuss that affects every family member individually as well as the family as a whole-indeed,when such discussion is forbidden IMPLICITLY (the subject is changed) or EXPLICITLY ( we don't talk about those things) -we learn not to believe in our own perceptions or feelings.
Because our family denies our reality,we begin to deny it too.
And this SEVERLY IMPAIRS the development of our BASIC TOOLS FOR LIVING LIFE AND FOR RELATING TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE ABOUT DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES
I keep mentioning the word "dysfunctional" in many of my tweets..repeatedly..
what is dys-functional?
something that is NOT -FUNCTIONING.
SOMETHING THAT IS NOT DOING THE JOB IT IS SUPPOSED TO DO.
A family unit is supposed to be a CLOSE-KNIT group of individuals often biologically or sexually related or involved and any given family unit and its members must be in a position to be each other's support system.
When such REAL SUPPORT fails to exist in a family,the family would be deemed DYSFUNCTIONAL.
Often,people assume that GRAVE SEXUAL CRIMES AND SEXUAL ABUSE OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OR DOMESTIC BATTERING MUST BE INVOLVED IN dysfunctional families,but
as a physician who closely observes and takes notes,
THERE ARE SO MANY SUBTLE VARIATIONS OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY which are just as damaging and are FAR MORE COMMONPLACE IN so many families.They may not be DRAMATIC but they are just as damaging.
When I write articles on this ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG, i often try to PICK ONE ASPECT OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY AT A TIME and deal with it in a concise manner in a blog entry.
Feel free to browse the tag-cloud and archives to reader older articles of mine where i talk about various shades of dysfunctionality.
Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes
I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.
I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?
Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .
The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
The name of the publishers ?
POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.
They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.
This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.
I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.
MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?
Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.
IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.
To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?
pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.
Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!
having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.
This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?